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Nice way to end the day

By welp - 27/12/2015 05:08 - United States - Grass Lake

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 578

You deserved it 1 363

Who am I? Who are you?

By Maria - 20/08/2012 13:25 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 7 692

By Kimmiko - 04/06/2009 12:17 - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 243

You deserved it 7 171

MY wedding, MINE

By chumpslolo - 25/07/2013 10:55 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 663

You deserved it 4 006

By itsthebestdayoftheyear - 22/12/2015 12:30 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 689

You deserved it 1 542

Not now, dude

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 250

You deserved it 7 327

By Teddy Bear - 12/01/2019 16:00

Today, while working in a kids shop, I absentmindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then heard a deep man's voice say, "I'm not a little man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 580

Forever alone

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 614

You deserved it 2 581

By UpAllNight - 09/02/2019 12:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 124

You deserved it 311

By Mary - 05/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 1 420

By epic174 - 07/10/2014 22:15 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 393

You deserved it 2 812

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 494

You deserved it 9 877

By mighthavepaidfortwodates - 28/03/2019 22:00

Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 347

Disappointed

By WhatALetdown - 25/11/2015 00:26 - United States - Danbury

Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 681

You deserved it 5 547

By Brunofk7 - 21/11/2015 00:59 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 225

You deserved it 2 756

By whymegirl - 22/07/2012 04:24 - United States - Worcester

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 081

You deserved it 8 607

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:40 - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 553

You deserved it 3 997

By slut - 29/08/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 372

You deserved it 59 340

USA Number One!

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 05:30 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, I live in the same country that deployed the National Guard to suppress peaceful BLM protests, yet allowed a bunch of psychotic Trump supporters to break into the Capitol. I’m ashamed to be human right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 696

By nickyy - 29/11/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 488

You deserved it 31 470

By chelserusera - 14/05/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 395

You deserved it 7 631

By No money, mo' problems - 18/06/2013 22:01 - United States

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 236

You deserved it 9 677

By Lydlsis - 30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 766

You deserved it 4 636

By qld - 20/12/2016 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 262

You deserved it 3 591

By FUCK, NO. - 26/05/2019 06:11

Today, my pasty white boyfriend told me he intended to try and grow dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 329

Get out

By Anonymous - 10/08/2014 17:24 - Germany - Würzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 278

You deserved it 3 249

WTF FML

By TheKunitzShow14 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 115

You deserved it 3 413

By TotaledBeamer - 03/06/2019 22:09

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 167

Freakout

By nofunforme - 25/06/2019 18:00 - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 473

By missmycomp - 12/11/2009 14:36 - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 822

You deserved it 3 156

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The Top

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 243

You deserved it 3 908

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 499

You deserved it 8 298

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 069

You deserved it 2 277

Today, my house was pelted with rotten eggs. Apparently, my daughter and her friends are bullying a boy in her class. So, his older brother set out for revenge. According to the threatening note he left, "This is just the start if they don't leave him alone." My daughter thinks this means she should bully harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 1 767

Today, I was diagnosed with my seventh chronic illness. My body and life are getting progressively more uncomfortable, painful, exhausting, and difficult. I'm starting to wish one of them was lethal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 124

Today, it’s the 20th consecutive day of my ex blanking me on WhatsApp. I wouldn’t mind, but I hadn’t messaged him for over a year, and I’m just trying to collect some of my stuff he was holding for me in time for my Mum’s funeral, like my suit. He knows when the funeral is; it’s in 5 days time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 149