Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I... - FML

By NotThatKind - 24/8/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24565

You deserved it

42306

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Goodbye Bill

Hello everyone!

By mike oxsmall - 16/6/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50897

You deserved it

6528

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 18:21 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25448

You deserved it

5929

Tweet

Share

By snakeboy - 24/8/2009 04:49 - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16429

You deserved it

47607

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 20:00

Weird flex, but OK

Today, I asked the girl who has a crush on me if she was autistic. She replied without hesitation, "I can be whatever you want me to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

935

Tweet

Share

By bride - 27/3/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

133637

You deserved it

10246

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44152

You deserved it

5691

Tweet

Share

By yuen - 16/6/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37451

You deserved it

4717

Tweet

Share

By _sourdiesel7 - 10/11/2016 23:39 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9321

You deserved it

812

Tweet

Share

By Whosthegroom - 13/5/2011 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45007

You deserved it

3635

Tweet

Share

By Jordan - 8/4/2012 10:37 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28209

You deserved it

3545

Tweet

Share

By Brady - 30/4/2013 16:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43460

You deserved it

14998

Tweet

Share

By B - 4/2/2012 01:17 - United States

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38284

You deserved it

3387

Tweet

Share

By screaming monkey - 4/4/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34161

You deserved it

2086

Tweet

Share

By mk - 14/6/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41460

You deserved it

5669

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29694

You deserved it

71503

Tweet

Share

By his word vs mine = me suspended - 10/8/2013 18:41 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46858

You deserved it

3060

Tweet

Share

By awkwardbf - 9/9/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25708

You deserved it

4794

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53264

You deserved it

9737

Tweet

Share

By oohrahgal - 14/2/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10081

You deserved it

29795

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 02:31 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24496

You deserved it

2267

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46844

You deserved it

3228

Tweet

Share

By - 15/1/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8009

You deserved it

547

Tweet

Share

By Bailyboo - 26/1/2012 23:50 - United States

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31031

You deserved it

4685

Tweet

Share

By ProudASDmom - 30/3/2016 02:39 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22800

You deserved it

1380

Tweet

Share

By not_very_smart - 24/7/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47559

You deserved it

4821

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16376

You deserved it

42621

Tweet

Share

By nametag - 9/6/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50743

You deserved it

3785

Tweet

Share

By Lissa - 10/9/2019 20:00

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1562

You deserved it

468

Tweet

Share

By socks - 21/9/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48693

You deserved it

3327

Tweet

Share

By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39602

You deserved it

2561

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55856

You deserved it

6680

Tweet

Share

By EpicFail - 17/1/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19981

You deserved it

4488

Tweet

Share

By rusrs - 30/3/2012 02:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26287

You deserved it

2208

Tweet

Share

By pk24 - 25/2/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56226

You deserved it

16513

Tweet

Share

By mrs14 - 11/9/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8420

You deserved it

31085

Tweet

Share

By Marteeny - 9/6/2016 03:14

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15025

You deserved it

1083

Tweet

Share

By too cool - 1/7/2014 03:59 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44235

You deserved it

3332

Tweet

Share

By farmakakis - 21/12/2009 06:25 - Australia

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5630

You deserved it

56414

Tweet

Share

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39624

You deserved it

11753

Tweet

Share

By lonely - 1/1/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10009

You deserved it

34337

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By qwertyone | 0

#511010 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:09

Pretty big fuckup, EH SON??? Still worth a good laugh though.

By Smarty_ | 0

#511012 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:10

Heroes is about as good as herpes, maybe people will somehow make the connection anyways.
Anyways I'm sure that if you just type oops and then explain everything you will be fine, not too big a deal.

Comments

By qwertyone | 0

#511010 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:09

Pretty big fuckup, EH SON??? Still worth a good laugh though.

Reply

unfortunatelee | 0

#512254 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 0:12

Heroes is a terrible show and I'm only replying to #1 so this gets seen.

Reply

spoo | 24

#512269 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 0:16

unfortunatelee , we know you hate herpies. You may want to check, I think there are support organizations out there for people in your situation.

Remember, if you can haggle it down to $5, you probably are only getting what you paid for

Reply

crazyghost7 | 0

#513043 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 4:29

your gay for replying to #1 to get seen

Reply

shelbcz | 0

#515234 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 0:48

This is one of the rare FML's I actually laugh out loud at.

Reply

Nathaney | 0

#517243 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 22:54

Heroes is english no by NBC

Reply

Brak_Spaceman | 19

#519090 - Thursday 27 August 2009 15:36

Your spelling sucks ball sack.

Reply

abbeyasa | 0

#520774 - Friday 28 August 2009 3:17

i know right lol i nearly bust out

Reply

Rejectofsociety9 | 0

#1036871 - Sunday 20 June 2010 12:02

OP deserved it for liking the series finale of Heroes.

Reply

dusty209 | 0

#2110225 - Tuesday 22 February 2011 7:17

proofread mother fuker

Reply

vampire_rising | 0

#2257673 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:18

lol

Reply

I_lost_the_game | 25

#4129366 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 21:54

123- I find it ironic, since you spelt fucker wrong.

Reply

carioki34 | 7

#4241649 - Saturday 31 March 2012 17:44

Wtf

By Smarty_ | 0

#511012 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:10

Heroes is about as good as herpes, maybe people will somehow make the connection anyways.
Anyways I'm sure that if you just type oops and then explain everything you will be fine, not too big a deal.

Reply

curryndricegirll | 0

#511577 - Monday 24 August 2009 18:27

you don't even have to do that. you can go to your profile and then click remove and then no one can see it any longer

Reply

harlehatschi | 0

#514003 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 14:53

good call

By irockmyworld | 0

#511014 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:10

i moderated this. but i clicked no. its not a fuck your life. its actually funny to those who have a sense of humour.

Reply

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#511391 - Monday 24 August 2009 16:50

I would say yes because a lot of the time, people want to laugh at FMLs.

Reply

Shadow_Phantom | 26

#512270 - Tuesday 25 August 2009 0:17

They probably worded it that way to specify what it was. =|

Reply

eastmanwolf | 0

#515206 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 0:38

#27 Some douchebags really do talk like that! In one of my classes, this guy once said "I once caught an episode of the UK's Doctor Who."

Reply

xNephilim | 18

#5129098 - Friday 9 November 2012 2:55

That's kind of the point of FML... To share dumb stories like this and laugh at them.

By Horurerukul | 0

#511020 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:13

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

sabresfano | 1

#3486030 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:05

According to my pokedex, it's a troll!

By sexymessy | 0

#511028 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:17

LOL. Funny!!

By mrnicety | 0

#511035 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:20

Yeah, cos no-one will assume that you were joking...

You would have been better to leave it up

Reply

curryndricegirll | 0

#511582 - Monday 24 August 2009 18:29

well...if they didn't...i guess that says something about the OP, doesn't it?

By KirstieeJadee | 0

#511045 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:28

bahaha, man that sucks.

at least you didn't say "i love my herpes."
that would've sucked even more. HAHAHA

By Luckster | 0

#511048 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:29

That's why you double check your post before letting the world see it.

By NA88 | 0

#511062 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:33

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS FML WAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
u maade my day man! its the best FML yet

By ijrnelson | 0

#511075 - Monday 24 August 2009 12:39

Lol this is a really funny mistake but tbh people make their facebook status things like that all the time just as a joke, so it's more of a YDI!