The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Fresh start

By LifeInShambles - 10/05/2019 10:00

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 551

By Married2handsome - 16/06/2013 23:58 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 137

You deserved it 3 555

Married2handsome tells us more.

Married2handsome 13

Monday 17 June 2013 18:45

Yes, he's a cool dad! No, it was certainly NOT on purpose. :) Although she says it hurt, she too thought it funny and requested I place it as a FB status and FML!

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 401

You deserved it 3 636

By LolKaleb - 27/08/2014 03:02 - United States - Frisco

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 4 948

LolKaleb tells us more.

LolKaleb 14

Thursday 28 August 2014 20:19

It got posted yay. Well some were asking why I showered while friends were over. I had came from the gym and I left my door unlocked for them to come in since they were walking distance away. As I came back sweaty I decided to shower so I wouldn't ruin the couch. As I got out my mom came in to give me a towel since she didn't want me using my old one but she so happened to come in at the same time as me getting out the shower. My friends are still talking about it so yeah I have a good 2 or 3 weeks left before it's over.

By qwerki4 - 28/10/2015 19:29 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was coming home from work and saw an old couple overwhelmed by the number of people at the train station. It was peak hour and I decided to help them. As I went up to them, they said, "Get away, go mug someone else". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 154

You deserved it 1 687

Steamy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 06:35

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 3 500

By lala8940 - 28/06/2012 05:20 - United States

Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 732

You deserved it 6 780

lala8940 tells us more.

lala8940 0

Thursday 28 June 2012 17:41

To clear everything up: - they were dirty dishes going into the wash so it didn't really matter - I still have some dishes, but half of them are gone

By Gumfanatic302 - 07/05/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 172

You deserved it 3 195

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 195

You deserved it 2 604

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 15:43 - India - Mumbai

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 787

You deserved it 4 568

Behave!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 281

By bookworm - 08/06/2019 14:00

Today, I had a garage sale and sold some books I don't read anymore. A woman came up and yelled at me, saying I'd stolen one of the books from her house. I later found out that it was a distraction so that her boyfriend could steal my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 166

Busted

By wookieewhosshe - 19/06/2019 21:13

Today, my parents were helping me move flats. The only box to spring open was the box containing condoms and copious amounts of napkins for clean up. They spilled all over the road as my dad was carrying it. My mum picked them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 730

By CloroxDoggo - 24/11/2016 00:23 - United States

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 2 050

Assumption

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said, "I'm just smart." She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 296

You deserved it 6 783

Red flag

By Ceej - 30/07/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 6 685

By still broke and jobless - 17/09/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 892

You deserved it 2 565

By sweetjulie - 11/07/2019 18:00

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 304

By Uknowwh - 04/11/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 333

You deserved it 4 139

By pinkblankets - 19/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 106

You deserved it 29 900

Make it stop

By ElizaWy - 26/10/2016 15:52

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 725

You deserved it 867

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 21:15 - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 012

You deserved it 6 992

Uh oh…

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 779

You deserved it 10 887

By Blue_Heart - 05/09/2015 18:47 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 908

You deserved it 1 974

By StewPit - 16/04/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 268

You deserved it 75 103

Banned

By Helen - 22/03/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom

Today, while showing my mum how to make a TikTok, she not only found the masturbation video I made to send to my husband while he’s away for work, she accidentally managed to post it to TikTok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 1 559

By ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- - 04/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Laurel

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 415

You deserved it 1 627

By Anonymous - 21/06/2014 19:57 - Australia

Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 578

You deserved it 7 124

By Anonymous - 13/01/2017 16:38

Today, I went to Walmart with all my birthday money, which I had in a wallet with my permit and everything else. I was sat on a bench looking for items for my iPod Touch However… I left my wallet behind. Turns out an old couple stole it. I got my shit jacked by grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 424

You deserved it 2 516

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 04:00

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 538

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Cheating Babies Love Surprise Health Gross Poopoo peepee Transportation Weird Awkward Facebook Paranoia Jealousy Embarrassing Cute Sexism Painful Birthday Insects Miscellaneous Vacation Food Television TV shows Money Bosses Work Public freakouts Cops Fight

The Top

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 395

You deserved it 4 534

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865 816

You deserved it 95 126

Random

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 226

You deserved it 3 785

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 724

You deserved it 18 577

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 747

You deserved it 32 326

Today, I found out my family's Thanksgiving was canceled. Why? Because my mom doesn't want to cheat on her diet, so we aren't having it at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 158

Today, on our honeymoon, we’ve only had sex twice. Meanwhile, my husband has masturbated to porn at least once a day since we've got here, and it’s super obvious because he gets sleepy as hell after sex or a wank, while I’m left frustrated with nothing to do except watch Netflix and start drinking before noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 199

Today, I woke up to balloons, streamers, and my roommates yelling “SURPRISE!” Unfortunately, they got the wrong day. My birthday is next week, and now I'll probably have to pretend to be surprised again in seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 102