Miscellaneous: Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 07:46 - Netherlands - Overveen

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 140

You deserved it 3 759

You tried

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Addams Family Values

People disprove

By matt - 12/03/2021 08:01

Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 94

Surf's Up

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 12:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, as I was strapping my boogie board to my wrist, a wave slammed the board right into my crotch. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 132

By williebees - 28/11/2012 17:43 - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 458

You deserved it 2 410

By dontworrybehappy - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 6 120

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 02:00 - Sweden

Today, I finally built up the courage to seek professional help for my eating disorder. Apparently I don't meet the criteria, so I was denied help and got sent away. So basically, I'll have to get even sicker for them to take me seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 69

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 024

You deserved it 4 281

High school drama

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 20:04

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 201

By crazytown - 10/04/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 298

You deserved it 4 667

By fmlimoverit - 12/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 3 674

By kiken.bara - 06/01/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 892

You deserved it 7 463

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 4 346

I hate my life

By Anonymous - 08/04/2021 17:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up and remembered that I'm in law school. Now, I'm about to go to sleep, and I'm still in law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 909

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 20:21 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 194

You deserved it 17 447

By StellarSapience - 22/05/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at an office store. I was instructed to put together several tape-free cardboard boxes. I then realized that I can disassemble and reassemble a computer with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back, but I was outsmarted by a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 581

You deserved it 8 422

By PinkMonkeys - 23/11/2016 18:33

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 872

By englishornah - 23/04/2015 02:53 - United States - Somerset

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 369

You deserved it 5 626

By Grandson - 07/11/2013 05:52 - United States - Ontario

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 301

You deserved it 4 583

By all arsed out - 06/03/2016 16:50 - United Kingdom - Spalding

Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 600

You deserved it 1 546

By MrandMrsRendon20 - 11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 246

You deserved it 29 786

Two things that aren't the same

By YanezIbanez - 13/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mother called me "wasteful" because I left the refrigerator door open and that "electricity money doesn’t grow on trees." This is the same person who lets my little sister have her light on all night, because she’s scared of the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 272

By whywilson.. - 02/03/2010 01:17 - Canada

Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 405

You deserved it 25 771

Broken

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 01:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I recently got out of hospital after suffering a bad head injury. My doctor warned me I might have localised skin numbness, and it turns out I do. In my penis. Can’t feel a thing down there. We discovered this in bed, where nothing could get a rise out of me because it was completely dead FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 144

By dudezilla - 13/10/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 3 841

By No thanks - 20/05/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 1 482

By Rizmo - 25/09/2016 07:11 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 717

Sexy talk

By suckstosuck - 23/07/2013 04:04 - United States - Dana Point

Spicy

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 095

You deserved it 13 568

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 940

You deserved it 3 008

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 2 964

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 135

You deserved it 5 035

By Italian_Stallion - 16/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 091

You deserved it 68 132

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 3 433

By rhartnett11 - 23/04/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, while trying on clothes in Macy's, someone decided to throw some shoes over the wall and into my changing stall. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 2 991

By Tiffosaur - 04/01/2013 06:12 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 2 621

Nice try

By forgottenbday - 11/07/2012 05:09 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 504

You deserved it 2 743

Corolla Conspiracy

By Anonymous - 30/07/2017 00:30

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 957

You deserved it 506

By brokeandcardless - 13/01/2016 12:15 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my card got declined at Subway, so I walked to the nearest cashpoint thirty minutes away to frantically figure out how much cash I had in my card. As I went to pull my card out of my purse, it slipped from my grip and fell into the sewer. The guy behind me snorted with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 2 589

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Spicy

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 5 979

By Badday - 25/10/2009 04:38 - Canada

Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 921

You deserved it 29 854

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 593

You deserved it 184

By csully - 10/01/2009 06:34 - France

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 152

You deserved it 26 676

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:06

I'm on the toilet right now and I hate you.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:12

This is the exact reason I've invested so much in ToiletCats™. My toilets are rat-free, and the scratches are… mostly healing!

Comments

Knaxer 22

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:05

Hey OP, just be thankful you're not from New York City

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 21:05

Im going to guess those downvotes are people who don't get the joke...

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:06

I've had that dream before, except with spiders. Not a pleasant one.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:06

It's only a dream. I hope you forget it.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:06

I'm on the toilet right now and I hate you.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:08

YDI

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Thursday 14 January 2016 14:39

Story of my life

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:07

I hear alligators crawl up toilets as well ;)

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:08

I also heard turtles are able to crawl up as well, what's even worse is that they're evil.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:09

Even though the chances of something like that happening twice are pretty small... I still wouldn't risk it haha. FYL.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 18:02

You ether misread the FML, or I'm impressed by you knowledge of rat-dream statistics and concerned that you're suggesting the OP never sleep again.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 18:08

*either *your Poor form, mate.

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Thursday 14 January 2016 4:29

My bad. Read it wrong. :). Sorry! And oh yeah. Definitely. When I'm not at my day job I'm researching rat dream statistics. Time well spent. @15

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:12

This is the exact reason I've invested so much in ToiletCats™. My toilets are rat-free, and the scratches are… mostly healing!

The_Potato_Lord 15

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Tuesday 26 January 2016 4:29

Where can I buy them? I live about 30 minutes away from Walmart...

ColonelCusswords 24

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:18

3 easy targets

zyero 9

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:26

Honestly depending on the breed some rats make grea pets, Wharf rats are the largest, what you would consider your typical New York sewer rat but they also happened to be one of the smartest and most trainable breeds, I hear they can get up to the size of a large cat or small dog, and from my experience if trained properly they are a lot less likely to bite than a dog or cat. Just keep an eye on the little bugger because of there is a way to open the cage or aquarium you have em in they will find out how and escape nightly to sneak into your room and curl up with you, cute and all but don't wana crush the little bugger

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Thursday 14 January 2016 5:52

Never keep a rodent in an aquarium. They are prone to respiratory illness and an enclosed space with no air ventilition helps none.

lysx84 24

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 17:30

I had a similar issue after watching a film as a child where a guy got eaten by a critter while on the loo.

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Thursday 14 January 2016 1:02

that movie when the guy was sitting on the toilet trying to keep the lid closed..he chews on toothpicks..dropped the last one and leaned to get it and the thing in the toilet attacked him? (forgot the name tho)

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Thursday 14 January 2016 5:58

That would be Dreamcatcher :)

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Thursday 14 January 2016 8:38

That would be dream catcher by Steven King. And the guy's name is Joe "Beaver" Clarendon. That's one of my favorite books.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 23

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 86