Miscellaneous: Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work,... - FML

By StewPit - United States

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

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Non-baby fever

Risky business

NRA fanboy

By Zoe123 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

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By bob - United States

Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML

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By wellfuck - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

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By charliesangel123 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

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By fonsui - United States

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Get the hell out of Dodge

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

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By clingmaster - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

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By heart broken - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

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By Harry - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

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By fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

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By dammit - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norfolk

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 01:02 - Chile - Santiago

Not you

Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Dumpy baby

Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML

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By Joy - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newtown

Today, my crush fell asleep on me on the bus. This would have been fantastic if I didn't immediately have an erection in her ear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

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By Drafrica - South Africa

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

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By workerbee

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

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By Pierce - United States

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

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By ;_;" - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

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By Ryan - France

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

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By cammy123 - United States

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

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By

Indebted without work

Today, my husband has to quit his job. 5 months ago, we paid a deposit on a section for our brand new house and the title and mortgage need to be finalized next week. His work is forcing him out because he wanted to do his job safely and to a high standard of workmanship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

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By lectro - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

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By sex sent me to the Er

Life imitates bad art

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

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By name50 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, like most days, I spent my lunch break with a sandwich in one hand while typing with the other, trying to keep up with my work load, while my coworker took a nap. We're supposed to be doing the same job, but he refuses to learn most of the software. The boss is fine with this. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

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By SensitiveTech

Today, I was loving on a dog at work. I noticed her fur was coarse and short and I'd never felt anything like it before. I broke out in hives all over my face. This happens whenever I'm around any cats, guinea pigs, or rabbits and now some dogs apparently. I'm in school to be a vet tech. FML

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By Kimberly - France

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

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Top comments

By kellster | 2

#117606 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:25

Sometimes they're Ws, too! It's like magic!

By pwnrzero | 0

#117570 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:19

did u no that if m and m's are dissolved in water, (facing up)

the m floats to the surface

its amazing!

try it

p.s.
YDI

COMMENTS

By pwnrzero | 0

#117570 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:19

did u no that if m and m's are dissolved in water, (facing up)

the m floats to the surface

its amazing!

try it

p.s.
YDI

Reply

cameron_natasha | 0

#3049599 - Saturday 6 August 2011 6:13

I tried it. it actualy works xD

Reply

duke56924903 | 11

#4022693 - Saturday 11 February 2012 22:07

No, see, it's not an M... It's a W. For WTF.

By Teddygirl | 0

#117601 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:24

Hahahahahhahahahahhahaha

By RkR_fml | 0

#117603 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:25

i feel stupid for asking, but i'm new to this.
what does "YD" mean?

Reply

f_my_effing_life | 0

#515472 - Wednesday 26 August 2009 2:47

its actually YDI which means you deserve it.

Reply

scotty1234 | 0

#1337187 - Thursday 2 September 2010 4:43

#3 it means you dumb idiot

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313015 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:04

Woah!! Insensitive much??

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313018 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:04

Woah!! Insensitive much??

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313021 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:04

Woah!! Insensitive much??

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313023 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:04

Woah!! Insensitive much??

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313026 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:04

Woah!! Insensitive much??

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313028 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:04

Woah!! Insensitive much??

Reply

bribubbles | 10

#3313062 - Monday 19 September 2011 23:10

Oops not meant to do that like 47 times

Reply

kaycee1996 | 5

#3839407 - Friday 6 January 2012 14:05

While we are all explaining things, what does OP stand for?
I no its the person who wrote the FML but what are the letters?

Reply

Z03y | 7

#3947758 - Thursday 26 January 2012 23:40

Original poster

Reply

Audiobliss | 9

#5331801 - Sunday 20 January 2013 8:57

ydi. you deserved it.

Reply

SirDirtyRedD | 15

#5762688 - Thursday 21 November 2013 10:41

@140-146 spam much lol and dont worry we all been there some guys are jerks its ok bro

Reply

llamingo | 8

#6374444 - Friday 7 August 2015 21:01

YD stands for young dickcheese

By kellster | 2

#117606 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:25

Sometimes they're Ws, too! It's like magic!

By c_a_r_o_l_i_n_e_ | 0

#117616 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:26

wait, for real #1? like, the actual little tiny "m" doesnt dissolve? i dont get it
...and ydi

Reply

ddlovatolover | 23

#6048041 - Tuesday 26 August 2014 5:02

It does, just not that quickly, so when you dissolve it in water the "m" will still be there initially.

By noName123456 | 0

#117634 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:30

#3 YDI - you desrved it

By heyjuuude | 0

#117639 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:30

I thought this was going to say they were ecstasy tablets, ahahaha

By Limberger | 1

#117645 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:31

Maybe it was MDMA

By heyjuuude | 0

#117648 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:32

I thought this was going to say they were ecstasy tablets, ahaha.

By rakhil11 | 7

#117649 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:32

sounds like something i would do ^^ and laugh about and turn it around so my random slowness made my day...