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Hi, OP here. Just to clarify, my dad works third shift so this was during his time off. I simply thought it was funny that the roles seemed reversed. He does work hard to provide for us.

Where are you?

By LongDriveNoSleep - 24/05/2016 10:38 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 170

You deserved it 1 363

By Anonymous - 15/08/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 245

You deserved it 3 285

Guilt trip

By annoyed - 11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 080

You deserved it 1 458

By JustWantedToRelax - 10/05/2016 02:27 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to the park and sat in the grass while they played. Within the first half hour two male dogs peed on my back. The first owner apologized and gave me a wipe to clean up while the second one had the nerve to tell me "this is why I bring a chair" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 854

You deserved it 1 514

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 362

You deserved it 52 276

Freedom

By Lovejunkie - 01/03/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 8 742

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 893

You deserved it 15 398

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 215

You deserved it 7 327

Big up retail workers

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 14:00

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 180

By woodless - 09/12/2012 15:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 157

You deserved it 1 964

By frustrated - 05/08/2009 20:30 - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 803

You deserved it 5 743

It's out there

By anonymous - 03/09/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend showed me a video on his phone that he'd recorded of us having sex. Furious, I asked him if he'd ever shown it to anyone. His response was, "No, not really, I mean… My roommate walked in on me watching it. Oh, and my dad wanted to know how our relationship was going, I was drunk…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 190

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 167

You deserved it 3 456

Relationships sink

By BS2280 - 09/06/2020 23:00

Today, my wife told me that she isn't in a place where she can have a physical relationship, that if I want us to have a physical relationship then we need to start from the bottom up, and work on building a friendship. I'm like, we've been married 15 years, and we're not even friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 221

You deserved it 555

Badass

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 968

You deserved it 4 960

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 20:08

Today, when he came back to bed, I asked my flatmate who I've been sleeping since the start of lockdown, whether he had washed his hands after going to pee. He said he barely touched his dick, so he didn't need to. He likes putting his fingers in my mouth when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 717

Lujack

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 09:46 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 779

You deserved it 1 783

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 154

Creaky floorboards

By wtf?? - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 331

You deserved it 3 692

By SassyBasher - 18/10/2013 00:14 - United States - Taylors

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 219

You deserved it 4 982

SassyBasher tells us more.

SassyBasher 13

Friday 18 October 2013 20:53

The poster was not offensive in any way, there were no triggering pictures, and the principal okayed it but apparently changed his mind at the last minute WITHOUT telling me. The reason I was trying to raise awareness is because I recently lost a close friend to suicide after she cut to deeply.

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 210

You deserved it 5 649