Today, I found shit smeared into the carpet and I wasn’t sure who to blame, the dog, the newborn baby or the 60-year-old alcoholic mother-in-law whose husband had finally thrown her out. I did eventually find her passed out drunk in my flower bed with shit all down her legs though. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I visited my mom at the graveyard first thing in the morning. Not even 24 hours after the funeral, someone’s dog had taken a massive, liquidy shit all over her grave. FML
Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML
Today, I was screamed at by my stepmom for “taking a shit on the carpet.” We have not one but two dogs who are losing their bowel control, and I'm 24 years-old and have never taken a shit anywhere other than the toilet, so I have no idea why she’s blaming me. FML
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Top comments
ajh1800 25
It seems like it's your turn to kick her out now. You shouldn't have her around a new born baby if she's going to be acting like that. She's an adult. She needs to grow up and learn to take care of herself. She'll never stop drinking if there aren't severe consequences for it. She can go join the other FML alcoholics in AA.
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
I'm sorry but at that point put her in a home or something
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Comments (8)
RichardPencil 30
Since she shit in the flower bed, you can narrow down the carpet shit to the dog or the baby. Your local CSI team can make a positive ID. Hopefully, they have some slow days to deal with your shit, literally.
bloopaloop 27
What??? No “shitty situation” pun? I’m disappointed in you.
RichardPencil 30
No, I used it later. I have a quota.
ajh1800 25
It seems like it's your turn to kick her out now. You shouldn't have her around a new born baby if she's going to be acting like that. She's an adult. She needs to grow up and learn to take care of herself. She'll never stop drinking if there aren't severe consequences for it. She can go join the other FML alcoholics in AA.
mr_dinzaster 16
Wow I’d like to party with her
Charlie Given 26
Umm time to give her the boot & drunks around baby's is always a dangerous situation just waiting to happen
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
I'm sorry but at that point put her in a home or something