Try probiotics, they might help.

Its probably not you but what you eat. Changing your diet should help. Good luck OP.

Eat. If you still do it after starving for a week, eating will not make it worse.

Join a fraternity. You could constantly be saying "Safety," "Did somebody step on a duck," or "Pull my finger" to be the most hilarious member in the house. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

I cannot do the snowflake

Maybe try cutting dairy from your diet. It's pretty common for adults to develop limited dairy tolerance the older they get.

You haven't eaten in a week?

Patrick Smash, is that you? (Kudos to anyone who actually gets this reference)

Do you take vitamins? Or one of those weight loss drinks? Soy milk? kumbucha? Have you had an ultrasound? X-ray?

All of that air/gas is BECAUSE you're not eating. Every breath that you take introduces a small amount of air (or talking, chewing, swallowing, eating, etc) into your GI tract. Stomach acids break-down the contents of your belly and produce air/gas as byproduct. That byproduct is released as a burp/gas. Your belly is empty; there's nothing for the stomach acids to break down except for the air that you've been ingesting by being alive (breathing, talking, drinking). All that ingested air is working it's way through your GI tract. It's like putting a balloon on the end of a shaken soda pop bottle...the balloon will inflate with a lot of air. But if there was something else INSIDE the balloon (in addition to the air) there would be less space available for air/gas. If your stomach was digesting food, there would be LESS SPACE available for air/gas (stomachs don't expand too much without significant and prolonged overeating)...and less burping/farting. tl;dr Eat!