Transportation: Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught...

By rUs7up1d - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

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Transportation

Understandable

Vulture

BO Central

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

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By Singleagain - Sint Maarten (Dutch part) - Philipsburg

Today, I learned that not texting my girlfriend for two days is considered dumping her, and is ample reason to screw other men. FML

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24206

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By Emily - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

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41781

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By Noname - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

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By Anonymous

The grudge

Today, I was told by a former coworker that my former boss still talks about me being lazy, ever since the time I refused to do a few things on third shift when there was me and 2 other people working. I haven't worked there in 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

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By babybreath - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

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By - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

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By umm...no - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

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By AlwaysAwkward - United States - Strongsville

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 05:01 - United States

Weird reason, but OK

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, sitting in my car, an hour into a four-hour trip. The reason? I haven't been lifting with him at his gym during the COVID-19 pandemic. The kicker? We were headed back after a stay-cation with his mom, because yesterday was my birthday. FML

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756

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2021 02:00

Significant other

Today, my Apple Watch notified me that my long-term exposure to loud noises may be dangerous to my hearing. I’ve been crying since my SO left. FML

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865

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:01 - Canada

Stay at home

Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML

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By Adam Gordon

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

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4116

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By Matt - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

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13314

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By guess28 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

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50620

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a drive with my girlfriend when we went past a 'Dead End' sign. She pointed to it and said it was "Foreshadowing our relationship". FML

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34802

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By Moon_Glade

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

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3895

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By ProAwkward - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

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By dogless - United States

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

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By mylifereallysuks - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

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By GidleyWife - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

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25300

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

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By Jessey - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male best friend. I chose my husband. My husband then admitted to me that he was hoping I would choose my best friend so he would have an excuse to leave me and wouldn't have to tell me he's been cheating on me. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

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By MdT - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

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24936

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00

Get out

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

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2120

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By silver

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

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3843

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By Sam - 27/8/2020 23:02 - Canada

Love hurts

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition where blood vessels in my brain spasm just before orgasm, resulting in me getting a wicked migraine that lasts for days. The only cure? No more orgasms. FML

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2379

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By mario - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

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2227

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By Bobby

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

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4710

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By chris

Frustration level 100

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

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By linn - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

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Top comments

By BI4ze | 17

#6256892 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:12

Surely that is excuse enough to be given a second chance...

By biasedshooter | 24

#6256893 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:12

Professors usually are understanding when things like that happen and let you have other exams count for double

COMMENTS

By xXCIPHERXx | 8

#6256885 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:11

YDI

AnyaS | 19

#6256895 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:13

There's a button for that.

By BI4ze | 17

#6256892 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:12

Surely that is excuse enough to be given a second chance...

slingerslasher | 24

#6257002 - Thursday 9 April 2015 1:11

Plot twist: professor also wanted to make sweet love to the taxi. He fails OP out of jealousy.

By biasedshooter | 24

#6256893 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:12

Professors usually are understanding when things like that happen and let you have other exams count for double

Shadowvoid | 33

#6257161 - Thursday 9 April 2015 4:10

What professors do you have? I had to go to two separate funerals and brought one of the information pamphlets as proof. Not a single day was excused

Kramer1998 | 20

#6257196 - Thursday 9 April 2015 5:03

Humans most likely, my school will give you exemptions on shit like that, like In the case of a kid this year, had to go to spain for his moms funeral missed a week of school, had no makeup work

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6257336 - Thursday 9 April 2015 8:25

#38 that's a little retarded, he needs to catch up on the work for the tests, so I think that school needs to reevaluate their system.
It's also normal to need evidence, in case you're just bunking off.

By venomousflower | 24

#6256897 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:13

If you explain to the professor what happened, you should be able to make it up

By CoGhostRider | 31

#6256898 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:14

I wonder if the taxi will have a fiat?

LittleRed79 | 39

#6257137 - Thursday 9 April 2015 3:44

Don't you know that this is actually how minivans are made?

By Cassandra2015 | 21

#6256899 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:15

Those crazy bus drivers .
Hopefully your prof. allowed you to write it afterwards .

Octwo | 16

#6256959 - Thursday 9 April 2015 0:43

I'm more inclined to assume the taxi was at fault, I'm constantly amazed most taxi drivers here still have licenses. But hell, probably different where the OP lives.