By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 14:00

Big up retail workers

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

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1791

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Serious times

Walk on the wild side

Stuck

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

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15923

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By Anonymous

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9892

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1353

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By Oddity_C - United States

Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30067

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15367

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By Darkheaven - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50382

You deserved it

9419

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By Kat - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39160

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3314

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By spit saliva spit

Today, I drooled on myself during a job interview and was immediately dismissed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1346

You deserved it

523

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By GoFigure - Germany - Berlin

Today, my wedding is scheduled for next week. Today is also the day my whole family had an epic falling out, resulting in my mother disowning my brother. Apart from having them taking turns sobbing at me through the phone, they're also not coming to the wedding. I paid the hotel rooms in advance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16554

You deserved it

1314

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By MJjunior - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47362

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13213

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By Peter

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

I agree, your life sucks

32760

You deserved it

2828

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By Bribri - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36732

You deserved it

2452

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By Bleh - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2019

You deserved it

231

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By Eliana - 6/5/2021 14:01

Burning up

Today, my left eye is bright red and painful. Also, I have pimples all over my genitals. Spoiler alert: it's herpes. The eye? A bacterial eye infection. Welcome to a week of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

636

You deserved it

210

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By mikeissad - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39190

You deserved it

2459

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By mstannyngdogevr - United States - Orlando

Today, my fiancé and I moved into a new home a few houses away from our previous one. We were excited about not hearing our roommate's dog howling non-stop anymore. We can hear him from the new house. Very clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5855

You deserved it

1897

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By Andrew - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33255

You deserved it

8577

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By steveinnewsoh - United States

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24922

You deserved it

2902

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Strange flight

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3192

You deserved it

264

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By damn - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31029

You deserved it

7303

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By takingthebus - United States

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42155

You deserved it

6510

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By maggieyokoi

Today, I had to explain to my little brother yet again that no, socks don't count as toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29190

You deserved it

2240

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By Anonymous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3871

You deserved it

9104

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By sofakingweetodit - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10754

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35198

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By princess - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks

151621

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By metalmusic - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML

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39827

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4390

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39453

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By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States - Hesperia

Lightweight

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

818

You deserved it

193

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By WhoopsIDidItAgain - 8/3/2021 02:01 - United States - Fremont

Whistleblower

Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

979

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By Madison Ostermeier

Today, I went on a date. I'm a big Disney fan, so naturally the topic came up. He said, "The only Disney movie I didn't really like was Pocahontas." I have a Pocahontas tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1494

You deserved it

540

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By Odnel - United States - Arlington

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58005

You deserved it

3814

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By Yellowsmellow - Canada - Windsor

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10285

You deserved it

670

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By me - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24134

You deserved it

56920

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By Sticky floor

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4739

You deserved it

367

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By MrAries - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19634

You deserved it

2302

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Error!

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1424

You deserved it

224

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By Pissed.Off.Mom. - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14162

You deserved it

2510

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By meranda_johnson - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26744

You deserved it

2525

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10945

You deserved it

41072

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By no tea parties here, gran - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39612

You deserved it

6158

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Catfished!

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1958

You deserved it

185

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

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21538

You deserved it

83223

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Top comments

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7908014 - Friday 22 May 2020 14:29

get him escorted out and bill him for anything that has to be thrown away

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7908094 - Friday 22 May 2020 20:16

Blacklist him from the store and report his assaulting ass.

COMMENTS

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7908014 - Friday 22 May 2020 14:29

get him escorted out and bill him for anything that has to be thrown away

Hangryko | 17

#7908031 - Friday 22 May 2020 15:44

In addition, he should be banned from the store and arrested for assault and willfully contaminating food, especially during this pandemic.

Baby_123 | 8

#7908055 - Friday 22 May 2020 17:38

I agree

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7908094 - Friday 22 May 2020 20:16

Blacklist him from the store and report his assaulting ass.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7908128 - Saturday 23 May 2020 1:35

Should have punched that nasty fucker in the face...

By ptsdsucks | 18

#7908401 - Sunday 24 May 2020 8:42

depending on what country you're in, he can get charged with assault with bodily fluids, assault by intimidation, and a lot of places are charging people that intentionally cough on products during a pandemic with terrorist activity