The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By apparentlybutch - 05/09/2014 21:11 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 240

You deserved it 4 583

By not my bf anymore - 05/11/2015 21:15 - United States

Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 618

You deserved it 7 583

Invasion

By Karmas3itch - 12/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 968

You deserved it 6 779

Deservedly so

By NeedAJobNow - 29/06/2023 06:00

Today, I was setting up a computer before a big work meeting. I noticed the software they were using had a text to speech feature. I thought it would be funny to make it say obscene things, then delete it. When the meeting started, the speakers blared, “The VP is gay hahahaha” in a robotic voice. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 868

By MissTrix - 29/10/2010 00:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 962

You deserved it 7 387

By climber - 21/04/2017 20:00

Today, after climbing eight flight of stairs due to electricity outage, I got to work only to find the office locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 300

You deserved it 382

By Married Life 101 - 16/05/2019 02:41

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 627

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 850

You deserved it 6 743

Why would you do that?

By Sam - 23/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 130

You deserved it 29 890

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 22:08 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 978

You deserved it 17 840

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 3 058

By Guy - 17/10/2015 18:23 - United States - O Fallon

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 174

You deserved it 1 712

Stuck

By Tabeling101 - 12/12/2016 01:51

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 636

You deserved it 1 474

By Scarred4Life - 11/10/2015 03:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 663

You deserved it 5 736

By f_n_fail - 06/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 214

You deserved it 732

Amazing

By Quest for fun - 20/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 429

You deserved it 396

By Florida - 24/11/2016 03:04 - United States - Winchester

Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 982

You deserved it 717

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 500

You deserved it 2 982

By mala_19 - 12/06/2017 14:00 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 174

You deserved it 262

By babs - 07/05/2013 19:07 - United States

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 204

You deserved it 4 757

By ok then - 31/10/2016 15:55

Today, my sister called my Native American friend a bigot for saying he had no problem with the name "Cleveland Indians". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 817

You deserved it 702

By Anonymous - 09/09/2015 18:54 - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 749

You deserved it 3 681

By texasbest - 02/09/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 772

You deserved it 2 027

By Anonymous - 02/08/2019 02:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 305

Tarred

By RetailJocky - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 703

You deserved it 342

By comeonnow - 25/09/2016 18:53 - United States - Coldwater

Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 492

You deserved it 762

By Laurita - 18/08/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 381

You deserved it 804

By Crapper. - 16/09/2016 20:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 206

You deserved it 739

By pechfogl - 26/08/2017 21:45 - Austria

Today, I got my period while spray tanning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 578

You deserved it 546

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 20:00

Today, my psychiatrist said, "Well, good luck." at the end of my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 210

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The Top

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 399

You deserved it 48 371

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 60 981

Today, I learned a valuable lesson, never leave your "Let It Be" album, which you paid $489 for on eBay out on your desk. My brother also learned something, old records make for very breakable, one use frisbees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 093

You deserved it 11 936

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 4 236

Today, I had to awkwardly explain in a conference with HR, management, and my coworkers that the occasional bruises, cuts, welts, and choke marks are from consensual BDSM sex and NOT domestic violence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 661

You deserved it 3 174

Today, I had to sit and listen to a coworker tell me about how disappointed she is her daughter is a lesbian and wondering if anyone still does those "pray it away" camps. I work in HR so I couldn’t even call her an evil, bigoted witch, because I know I’m the one who’d lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 166