The Top

Can't believe this got posted! The consultant dr(who's above the dr who said it was dislocated) reckons that it might not be dislocated, that my wrist is just deformed. Had a massive bruise, I still have it, got a follow up appointment next week, I'll find out more then hopefully

He will

By Elissa Roth Gooden - 06/04/2020 14:00

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 405

Offensive people work in TV? What a surprise!

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 14:50 - United States - Frisco

Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said, "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 1 189

I want Jesus to come inside my heart

By Weirdo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 953

You deserved it 40 910

Stranger danger!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 710

You deserved it 52 206

Panic at the crosswalk

By Butterflyguy - 14/08/2009 17:10 - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 352

You deserved it 23 662

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 711

You deserved it 9 100

Piss off

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 368

You deserved it 1 635

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 217

You deserved it 223

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 205

You deserved it 7 875

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - 24/07/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 084

You deserved it 6 172

By deaddoggy - 02/03/2016 20:46 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 109

You deserved it 1 546

By whitewater_al - 10/07/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 302

You deserved it 12 207

whitewater_al tells us more.

whitewater_al 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 10:32

well, I think I just realized why OP's don't respond to comments.

By Kayla - 06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 521

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 3 877

Oh, hello there

By Jon - 18/01/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 756

You deserved it 8 885

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 21:54

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 2 364

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 198

By WickedLittleDoll - 01/12/2014 16:38 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 656

You deserved it 8 916

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I walked into my kitchen to find a pigeon sitting on my stovetop. I live in a completely sealed apartment on the 12th floor of a NYC apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 78

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 719

You deserved it 3 658

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 212

You deserved it 2 871

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 039

You deserved it 3 974

Today, I've been working for a company for six months, but I still don't know my job fully because my trainer is difficult. He would get mad because I'd wait until he was done explaining before asking questions, so I changed and asked as soon as he said something I didn't know, but would get, "Well, if you'd let me finish…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 85

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 157

You deserved it 2 713