Intimacy: Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks... - FML

By JPF - 13/08/2009 03:13 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 275

You deserved it 5 581

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Commando

Nepotism rules

By anon - 26/07/2010 00:07 - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 3 509

By ohwell - 24/11/2014 13:44 - Sweden - Tullinge

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 828

You deserved it 3 276

By vinniesuckmadack - 24/04/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 387

You deserved it 37 923

Thanks, Shep

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 14:01

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 122

By newscorp employee - 12/01/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 314

You deserved it 3 424

By soy_un_perderdor - 13/12/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 647

You deserved it 6 760

By Anonymous - 04/01/2013 22:52 - United States - Elgin

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 203

You deserved it 4 273

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 02:56 - United States

Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 573

You deserved it 2 628

By dantheman - 24/07/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 247

You deserved it 2 796

Apparently not.

By Dez - 26/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 023

You deserved it 398

By ouch. - 08/12/2012 10:44 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 366

You deserved it 3 228

Superstition

By OhGodWhy - 23/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 123

Adding insult to injury

By robinhoood - 20/04/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours, while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up, my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 054

You deserved it 3 603

By nsJ - 15/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 013

You deserved it 3 518

By doomeddaddy - 03/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 188

You deserved it 3 218

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 2 668

By ApparentlyaPotato - 10/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 485

You deserved it 2 200

By Vahootie - 03/03/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 788

You deserved it 4 040

By PinkMonkeys - 23/11/2016 18:33

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 537

You deserved it 872

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 18:57 - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 528

You deserved it 13 087

By BrokeAF - 22/12/2016 12:21

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 723

You deserved it 864

By TrailerTrash - 20/03/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 375

You deserved it 4 683

By smellychick - 14/03/2018 11:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for being a "cheating whore" when he found men’s deodorant in my bathroom cabinet. I just have abnormally strong B.O. and men’s deodorant works better for me. According to him, "No girl sweats that much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 062

You deserved it 285

By Phill1188 - 16/09/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the 3rd time." I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 945

You deserved it 188

Stalker panic

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 08:01 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 24/05/2010 17:12 - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 19 573

By pamcakes - 09/07/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 371

You deserved it 1 254

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 29 493

The friendzone doesn't exist

By AloneAtPerkins - 28/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got friendzoned by my coworker. He'll constantly remind me that he's there for me if I ever need anything or someone to talk to, he's sexy as hell, and he pulls me in for close hugs. This is gonna be a long-ass summer. Oh, did I mention it's a communal living situation in the middle of the mountains? FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 289

By bgoodwin07 - 29/11/2011 13:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 871

You deserved it 2 860

By virginmary - 06/12/2009 08:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 412

You deserved it 3 170

First Dates

By mildver - 20/04/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 358

You deserved it 4 564

By bustedfornuthin - 08/09/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 2 484

By Peppermint - 17/03/2011 10:00 - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 312

You deserved it 5 340

By Noname - 13/02/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 201

You deserved it 3 656

By hatemyjob - 23/04/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 044

You deserved it 43 619

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 2 669

Libido says no

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Spicy

Today, I discovered my girlfriend of 5 years would rather split up than make any shred of effort to revive her utterly dead libido from the last 2 years. She promised the whole past month to make an effort, before admitting she never gave a shit when my patience with her ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 266

By fat_thighs - 29/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 305

You deserved it 11 796

Helter Skelter

By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 100

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 17 August 2009 10:18

@#201 You're obviously only saying that because you don't have a brother. Either that, or you're fucked up.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:16

Awwkwwarrd. Australian boys are hot though (at least all the ones I've seen), therefore, this situation is oddly intriguing. :)

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:05

YDI! for having a gay brother!// YESS IM FIRSTT! :DD

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 16:12

Nice one crow. Posting fake fml's. Thats so hardxcore.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 18:24

wow.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 18:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

ImaBmyLonurTees 0

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 19:02

That's all kinds of fucked up...

trollskitroll 0

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2009 1:19

Obviously fake, nice try though

helpmeiamblind 0

Send a private message

Sunday 16 August 2009 6:14

#108 is absolutely correct. Fag bashing usually tends to fix problems like that.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:06

Why FYL?

StingMunFizzy 0

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 18:53

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Bend down n' touch your toes, Im gonna show you where the wild goose goes O_O

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:11

Brilliant xD

ShenziSixaxis 0

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:14

Wow... what a shock, eh?

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

nikktherocker 0

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2009 1:04

as rodney dangerfield said, it doubles your chances of having a date on saturday night. what the big deal? he's not your real brother.

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2009 6:14

Well, the deal is that he had the feelings BEFORE he found out that the OP wasn't his real brother. And of course, OP can only think of him as his real brother, even if he's not, so to the OP it is disturbing. Wonder how that came about though? Most species, including humans, have a natural mechanism in them that doesn't allow that kind of "sibling bonding," even if they were merely raised together rather than born together... or so I thought. Unless it's different for gays, since they can't procreate with each other... I mean, there is no chance for retarded babies there, so "no harm done"? Except no species except humans thinks on the same plains we do, and so we find "sibling bonding" in general incorrect no matter what sibling you bond with, because we set up morals.

Send a private message

Sunday 16 August 2009 3:53

I think it's called Westermarck syndrome :)

Zurr 0

Send a private message

Monday 17 August 2009 9:59

I'm gay, and happy to say that if I had a brother, I'd have no regrets having sex with him.

Send a private message

Monday 17 August 2009 10:18

@#201 You're obviously only saying that because you don't have a brother. Either that, or you're fucked up.

Send a private message

Tuesday 18 August 2009 9:03

@#167 stfu. OP : Try it, u might enjoy. :D

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:16

Awwkwwarrd. Australian boys are hot though (at least all the ones I've seen), therefore, this situation is oddly intriguing. :)

fuckyourlife8 0

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 14:25

Haha, Aussie boys are very hot ; ) But guys who have always wanted to have sex with somebody they thought they were related to, aren't so hot. Good luck sleeping in the same house as him.

Send a private message

Friday 14 August 2009 4:23

well, they aren't related. haha. Maybe it's a pheromone thing?

Send a private message

Saturday 15 August 2009 15:36

that's just because your from Adelaide

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:21

Wow. That must've been a bit awkward. I say... go for it ;) *ha*

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:23

isn't it ex-brother?

senior_dingdong 0

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:27

EXACTLY WHY some what what in the butt should go down MANGGGGG dont forget the KY ;);)

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:24

Sounds hot. Remember to give me all the details later.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 August 2009 12:29

Now's the time to let him know you always wanted to believe to weren't related . (:

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 84

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 87