By Anonymous - United States - Redlands Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML I agree, your life sucks 59611 You deserved it 9779 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML I agree, your life sucks 36575 You deserved it 2760 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adogg18 - United States Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML I agree, your life sucks 35184 You deserved it 15364 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mog - United States Office embarrassment Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1334 You deserved it 833 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Vampprobs - United States - Skandia Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML I agree, your life sucks 42034 You deserved it 3204 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lizzy Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML I agree, your life sucks 11902 You deserved it 2658 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sisterly love - United States - Santa Clara Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML I agree, your life sucks 50096 You deserved it 4135 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML I agree, your life sucks 60892 You deserved it 12243 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 36532 You deserved it 2815 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nikki - United States Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 26906 You deserved it 11067 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML I agree, your life sucks 28691 You deserved it 2535 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squidwardpotatoes - United States Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML I agree, your life sucks 32164 You deserved it 3242 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By birthdaygirl - United States Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 60016 You deserved it 15104 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brony - United States Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML I agree, your life sucks 13519 You deserved it 43284 421 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsoclean - United States Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML I agree, your life sucks 45280 You deserved it 3669 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Blain Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML I agree, your life sucks 50268 You deserved it 3101 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By galen - United States Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML I agree, your life sucks 64862 You deserved it 27639 325 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML I agree, your life sucks 23139 You deserved it 2104 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kentrm - United States - Atlanta Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML I agree, your life sucks 10932 You deserved it 1407 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 86145 - United States Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML I agree, your life sucks 33523 You deserved it 5646 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By koolkat9 - United States - Albion Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML I agree, your life sucks 40923 You deserved it 3277 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Iceland - Reykjav Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML I agree, your life sucks 50662 You deserved it 5770 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML I agree, your life sucks 11984 You deserved it 46025 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By w_t_f - United States Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 63036 You deserved it 5253 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By noname - United States Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML I agree, your life sucks 45201 You deserved it 6020 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sleepy head - United States Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML I agree, your life sucks 55604 You deserved it 14969 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By illenram06 - Philippines Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML I agree, your life sucks 48672 You deserved it 6675 359 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United States - Dallas Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 34172 You deserved it 10399 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jezusflowers - United States Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML I agree, your life sucks 53785 You deserved it 5092 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iamScaredyCat - 3/4/2020 20:00 Stay indoors, it's safer at the moment Today, I was texting while walking up the stairs to my porch. When I looked up, I saw someone standing behind the porch door, and was so scared that I fell backwards down the stairs. Turns out, it was just my reflection. FML I agree, your life sucks 772 You deserved it 1512 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kevcng - United States Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML I agree, your life sucks 24648 You deserved it 7956 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Camm. - United States Today, I found my car completely vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck". Hannah? FML I agree, your life sucks 38332 You deserved it 2001 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By waterlogged - United States Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML I agree, your life sucks 24844 You deserved it 2594 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By baby_trex_arms - United States - San Francisco Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML I agree, your life sucks 40249 You deserved it 5673 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML I agree, your life sucks 44241 You deserved it 2816 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drunkluv - Australia Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 34954 You deserved it 4161 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML I agree, your life sucks 29344 You deserved it 3500 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fatty - Germany Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML I agree, your life sucks 23660 You deserved it 49792 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lostforwords - Ireland Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML I agree, your life sucks 27978 You deserved it 6268 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML I agree, your life sucks 39573 You deserved it 6956 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7728816 - Monday 26 November 2018 20:05 I love the war cry..... Go get em killer. Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By melisssa87 | 30 #7728882 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 0:35 I feel so bad for the flying guy Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7728816 - Monday 26 November 2018 20:05 I love the war cry..... Go get em killer. Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By melisssa87 | 30 #7728882 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 0:35 I feel so bad for the flying guy Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without... I agree, your life sucks 16 You deserved it 3 0 Comments
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 515 You deserved it 73 4 Comments