Health and Poopoo peepee: Gross and weird - FML

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 110

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Same thing different taste

By Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 226

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kedron

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 1 186

Sitcom vibes

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 19:31 - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 401

You deserved it 48 868

Etiquette

By FootFlakes - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 4 517

Cuteness overload

By Cpm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 870

You deserved it 5 212

Bumbling

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 591

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 514

You deserved it 67 443

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 455

You deserved it 8 862

By Honestly - 09/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Measham

Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 011

You deserved it 525

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 301

You deserved it 2 136

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 0:42

Are you dating a chimpanzee? It is weird and disturbing. How can you not get distracted when she gives you a hand job? You need to... ... wait on it ... "dump" her.

tipsyone 22

Sunday 14 November 2021 23:55

What the actual ****???

Comments

tipsyone 22

Sunday 14 November 2021 23:55

What the actual ****???

weirdncrazy 25

Monday 15 November 2021 0:02

Im very curious how old your girlfriend is

kfchicken 31

Monday 15 November 2021 20:11

in monkey years or human years?

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 0:42

Are you dating a chimpanzee? It is weird and disturbing. How can you not get distracted when she gives you a hand job? You need to... ... wait on it ... "dump" her.

Aiden89 23

Monday 15 November 2021 1:17

I have so many questions

JackWood 20

Monday 15 November 2021 1:17

And you found out how? She did this while you were in the same room?

2deployments1divorce 11

Monday 15 November 2021 13:50

Probably got a face full of poo while setting on the toilet lol

mike3775 35

Monday 15 November 2021 3:54

It’s not weird, it’s freaking disgusting

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 6:32

Especially if she misses the toilet!

legalgravethief 8

Monday 15 November 2021 10:32

Unless that’s your kink, dude! Run a fricken mile faster than usain bolt!

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 16 November 2021 3:16

He's a sprinter. He'd kick ass for the first 200m, but then he'd walk the next 1400 or so.

sarsuela 29

Monday 15 November 2021 21:14

Poop in the shower guy, anyone?

benjamn 24

Monday 15 November 2021 21:47

Deuce in the shower and mash it down the drain with your foot. As shared by Adam Carolla.

JackWood 20

Monday 15 November 2021 23:47

Pipes are pipes

Zebediabolical 39

Tuesday 16 November 2021 1:19

...but did she make the shot?

Keywords

Love Christmas Break-ups Miscellaneous Gross Poopoo peepee Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Cars Work Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Roommate Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 843

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 4 683

The Top

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 808

You deserved it 2 616

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 537

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 158

You deserved it 7 035

Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, and as I was leaving through the glass doors, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors, smashing my head. I'd actually seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 969

You deserved it 11 991

Today, in a deep depression, on my worst night, I reached out to a lifeline. Waited an hour for the counselor to arrive, listen for a few minutes, then tell me I should, "Get my mind off of it by planning my prom, sewing a dress or painting my nails." The application clearly shows I'm an adult man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 207

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 20 681