Health and Poopoo peepee: Gross and weird - FML

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 114

Fête Nationale: Fireworks and Faux Pas
Celebrate the nation with stories where it's not just fireworks that sparkle! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 231

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kedron

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 1 210

Sitcom vibes

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 19:31 - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 413

You deserved it 48 889

Etiquette

By FootFlakes - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 424

You deserved it 4 523

Cuteness overload

By Cpm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 881

You deserved it 5 219

Bumbling

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 592

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 520

You deserved it 67 481

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 470

You deserved it 8 873

By Honestly - 09/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Measham

Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 017

You deserved it 528

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 323

You deserved it 2 145

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 0:42

Are you dating a chimpanzee? It is weird and disturbing. How can you not get distracted when she gives you a hand job? You need to... ... wait on it ... "dump" her.

tipsyone 22

Sunday 14 November 2021 23:55

What the actual ****???

Comments

tipsyone 22

Sunday 14 November 2021 23:55

What the actual ****???

weirdncrazy 25

Monday 15 November 2021 0:02

Im very curious how old your girlfriend is

kfchicken 31

Monday 15 November 2021 20:11

in monkey years or human years?

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 0:42

Are you dating a chimpanzee? It is weird and disturbing. How can you not get distracted when she gives you a hand job? You need to... ... wait on it ... "dump" her.

Aiden89 23

Monday 15 November 2021 1:17

I have so many questions

JackWood 20

Monday 15 November 2021 1:17

And you found out how? She did this while you were in the same room?

2deployments1divorce 11

Monday 15 November 2021 13:50

Probably got a face full of poo while setting on the toilet lol

mike3775 35

Monday 15 November 2021 3:54

It’s not weird, it’s freaking disgusting

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 6:32

Especially if she misses the toilet!

legalgravethief 8

Monday 15 November 2021 10:32

Unless that’s your kink, dude! Run a fricken mile faster than usain bolt!

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 16 November 2021 3:16

He's a sprinter. He'd kick ass for the first 200m, but then he'd walk the next 1400 or so.

sarsuela 29

Monday 15 November 2021 21:14

Poop in the shower guy, anyone?

benjamn 24

Monday 15 November 2021 21:47

Deuce in the shower and mash it down the drain with your foot. As shared by Adam Carolla.

JackWood 20

Monday 15 November 2021 23:47

Pipes are pipes

Zebediabolical 39

Tuesday 16 November 2021 1:19

...but did she make the shot?

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The Top

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine, and that she'd never seen it before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 612

You deserved it 2 798

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 89

The Top

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 395

You deserved it 88 052

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 008

You deserved it 4 544

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 482

You deserved it 3 193

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 579

You deserved it 31 832

Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 442

You deserved it 5 799

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 64 090