Animals: Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter,...

By silentbutdeadly - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9970

You deserved it

77446

Favorite

Animals

Commando

Rock, hard place

The end of the road

By ew - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50986

You deserved it

9160

Favorite

By whysheheartless - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43758

You deserved it

3039

Favorite

By MrTandy - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31513

You deserved it

3682

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - La Grande

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33046

You deserved it

11228

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2003

You deserved it

300

Favorite

By Unlucky. - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31838

You deserved it

8044

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I received a surprise "absolute final notice" email for payment of an overdue fee from the university I withdrew from 6 months ago. Turns out, my old landlord has been hoarding their letters to me. As a result, my credit is now in the shitter and I had to pay an extra $120 in interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34127

You deserved it

2878

Favorite

By Anonyme - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45797

You deserved it

6113

Favorite

By ardenm - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18653

You deserved it

38029

Favorite

By IloveMaroon5 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss deletes you off Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33784

You deserved it

4383

Favorite

By great - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21447

You deserved it

31178

Favorite

By MyLifeSucks - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45888

You deserved it

2793

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27405

You deserved it

1677

Favorite

By rawrrrr - United States

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10924

You deserved it

29352

Favorite

By failhusband - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29088

You deserved it

72872

Favorite

By crazygirl12 - United States

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48797

You deserved it

3801

Favorite

By Jennifer Sara Harms

Today, I made a 6-hour trip just to go to the wrong art festival. I have to go back and make the same trip again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1065

You deserved it

954

Favorite

By Out of Shape - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14874

You deserved it

35491

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks

36884

You deserved it

4380

Favorite

By kiwi - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35567

You deserved it

11453

Favorite

By partypooper - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33862

You deserved it

6663

Favorite

By askprussia - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23088

You deserved it

1499

Favorite

By MissAnonymous93 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12248

You deserved it

742

Favorite

By Eh.. - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2228

You deserved it

1306

Favorite

By banana - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16863

You deserved it

74336

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 19:58

Be prepared

Today, I'm in Ibiza. My period came early and had nothing but face masks to use as sanitary towels. Then, the closest thing to period knickers I could find was in a souvenir shop, which on the arse reads, "What happens in Ibiza belongs in Ibiza." FML

I agree, your life sucks

866

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - United States

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4609

You deserved it

441

Favorite

By JTinNJ - United States - Parsippany

Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13504

You deserved it

3036

Favorite

By hayleediaz - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25468

You deserved it

2870

Favorite

By Alanis - United States

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25370

You deserved it

4013

Favorite

By deargodwhy - 4/9/2020 10:03

Throwing shade

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1064

You deserved it

730

Favorite

By van no gough - United States - Springfield

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30322

You deserved it

3873

Favorite

By Angela17

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2867

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By CatWoman - United States

Catboys rise up

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11836

You deserved it

39069

Favorite

By AprilFlowers - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42040

You deserved it

7357

Favorite

By Matt - United Kingdom - London

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19262

You deserved it

15651

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31066

You deserved it

6484

Favorite

By paperbox - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51036

You deserved it

3286

Favorite

By fucking pissants - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31606

You deserved it

2878

Favorite

By Sh.H - United States

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11761

You deserved it

55788

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By too_much_fun | 0

#149740 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:23

Boyfriend: "Today, I was watching a movie with my girlfriend and she let out a horrible fart. She blamed my dog, Baxter. Baxter was outside at the moment. FML"

Baxter: "Today, my owner's girlfriend let out a fart that was worse than mine. FML"

By bman01 | 0

#149742 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:22

Women farting? This is absurd!

COMMENTS

By cherry_satellite | 0

#149710 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:16

First!
you're an idiot. but thanks for making me laugh lol

brenkite | 5

#5059931 - Friday 19 October 2012 22:56

Anyone else reminded of anchorman?

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#149732 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:22

Smooth move Ex-lax

By 24788 | 6

#149733 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:23

Damn sneaky dog is sneaky.

By noevidence09 | 0

#149736 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:21

YDI for suuure haha

sukhdeep | 4

#976053 - Thursday 8 April 2010 0:49

lol

lukehappygilmore | 4

#2061051 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 5:42

I'm a guy. And I just try to pretend they don't do that. haha I mean, I just think it's disgusting... BIG TURNOFF, especially if it stinks. girls if a guy is getting too "touchy" and starts taking advantage of you, just fart. He'll get right off