Animals: Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter,...

By silentbutdeadly - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9976

You deserved it

77472

Favorite

Animals

Walk the line

Victim blaming needs to die

Second opinion

By nubs

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2660

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By padthaimeanoose - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30795

You deserved it

2436

Favorite

By FarewellRalphs

Today, I went grocery shopping with my grandmother. Our bagger offered to help load our groceries, to which my grandmother replied, "Oh, what a nice young colored boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5103

You deserved it

338

Favorite

By Dude - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32565

You deserved it

4141

Favorite

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27829

You deserved it

5778

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Wexford

Today, my aunt informed me that my dad thinks my boyfriend is a loser deadbeat because he hasn't proposed to me after two years of dating and co-habitation. He hasn't asked because I already made it very clear I have no interest in marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21279

You deserved it

4831

Favorite

By S. Fancyson - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52330

You deserved it

9615

Favorite

By edwinduarte1 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30121

You deserved it

3292

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29360

You deserved it

2242

Favorite

By Anonymous

Baby steps

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1468

You deserved it

2705

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70172

You deserved it

6346

Favorite

By lifestinks - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63855

You deserved it

9507

Favorite

By Anonymous

Congratulations. Or not.

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

736

You deserved it

1981

Favorite

By slickboy0023 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32831

You deserved it

5600

Favorite

By aXel

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51669

You deserved it

8297

Favorite

By rinala

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25729

You deserved it

3208

Favorite

By secretsmakefriends - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51672

You deserved it

5155

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40620

You deserved it

25436

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - York

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46717

You deserved it

3985

Favorite

By madbabynoel - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22123

You deserved it

1581

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44102

You deserved it

3640

Favorite

By racoonface - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16630

You deserved it

54622

Favorite

By gaga - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8946

You deserved it

38945

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30872

You deserved it

3380

Favorite

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44006

You deserved it

10355

Favorite

By thatsucks4u - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11053

You deserved it

51041

Favorite

By Anonymous - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30211

You deserved it

4232

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Follow instructions

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30149

You deserved it

10866

Favorite

By robthebuilder - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27722

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By apparentlyunattractive - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60909

You deserved it

7424

Favorite

By fired

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47870

You deserved it

7423

Favorite

By baxeh - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40449

You deserved it

4899

Favorite

By Rory - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26102

You deserved it

2841

Favorite

By my name is sarah - United States - Midland

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20049

You deserved it

1386

Favorite

By Disappointed Mom - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14600

You deserved it

1018

Favorite

By meowymomma - United States

Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24461

You deserved it

1434

Favorite

By jack - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36907

You deserved it

2524

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mckinney

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20852

You deserved it

1951

Favorite

By MrOh - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39605

You deserved it

4498

Favorite

By j0j0 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24661

You deserved it

3813

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By too_much_fun | 0

#149740 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:23

Boyfriend: "Today, I was watching a movie with my girlfriend and she let out a horrible fart. She blamed my dog, Baxter. Baxter was outside at the moment. FML"

Baxter: "Today, my owner's girlfriend let out a fart that was worse than mine. FML"

By bman01 | 0

#149742 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:22

Women farting? This is absurd!

COMMENTS

By cherry_satellite | 0

#149710 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:16

First!
you're an idiot. but thanks for making me laugh lol

brenkite | 5

#5059931 - Friday 19 October 2012 22:56

Anyone else reminded of anchorman?

By yes_yes_yes | 0

#149732 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:22

Smooth move Ex-lax

By 24788 | 6

#149733 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:23

Damn sneaky dog is sneaky.

By noevidence09 | 0

#149736 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 4:21

YDI for suuure haha

sukhdeep | 4

#976053 - Thursday 8 April 2010 0:49

lol

lukehappygilmore | 4

#2061051 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 5:42

I'm a guy. And I just try to pretend they don't do that. haha I mean, I just think it's disgusting... BIG TURNOFF, especially if it stinks. girls if a guy is getting too "touchy" and starts taking advantage of you, just fart. He'll get right off