By Username - 10/10/2011 03:30 - United States
The Top
By drew the short straw - 15/12/2018 13:30
By fuckingads - 13/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Brookfield
By SexxiKitty - 19/12/2015 22:45 - United States - San Francisco
SexxiKitty tells us more.
Tipsy
By Anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville
By jimmy - 30/11/2015 21:27 - Canada - Orangeville
Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.
By Karma - 15/03/2017 02:00
By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00
By Secret Isis supporter - 19/11/2015 00:52 - United States - San Francisco
By CSPKrissi - 04/04/2017 04:00
By Dumped - 06/04/2017 14:00
By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 06:15 - Canada - Gatineau
Give some, take some
By Stinky - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Roanoke
By sciencetime - 10/12/2016 11:33
By sirengamer - 14/06/2017 20:00 - United States
So similar
By StillLoveMyDogs - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco
By smart move there - 16/05/2012 16:10 - Ireland - Naas
By AgentKoos_99 - 11/10/2016 07:52 - South Africa - Johannesburg
By Ananimus - 26/08/2015 12:31 - United States - Peekskill
By blizzard_of_77 - 08/04/2009 16:10 - United States
No cussing
By jdsksoapy - 30/03/2009 20:16 - United States
By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh
Carded B.
By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 12:00
By Ouch - 28/10/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom
Loyalty card
By fuck you sis - 12/10/2019 16:00
By fuckit - 23/07/2016 06:52 - United States - American Fork
By ApplePie1994 - 18/07/2016 17:55 - Ireland
ApplePie1994 tells us more.
OP, here. It was his stomach that didn't fit, you nasty. The dressing gown was pink, with butterflies embroidered on the breast. He looked absolutely fabulous, darlings.
By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 21:22
By sickofthisshit - 02/07/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside
By Angsty_Armadillo - 28/06/2016 09:36 - United States - Essex
Angsty_Armadillo tells us more.
Holy crow after 7 years I finally get posted! Even though it was on an email I never use.. But I thought I would share a little somethin somethin with you guys. I have tried ear plugs but they cause blockage in my ears. Also to the people who say I shouldn't let the dog sleep with us. Have you tried keeping a 1 year old pit with seperation anxiety in a kennel or simply out of the room? You can pick up the tattered remains of my living room. It's just one of those things you gotta deal with when you have a SO and a dog that snorts loud even when awake. PS I snore loud as **** too my boyfriend is just a heavier sleeper! :D
Keywords
Hey everyone! OP here hoping to give you all some clarity! First off, I wasn't high but I was tired and I wasn't wearing my glasses. I live on a farm in the middle of bumble-**** nowhere and we have a small tree, about 5'6" tall, a little ways off our back porch. It was about 2:00 a.m. and my young daughter had gotten sick on her sheets so I was running to put them in the washing machine (which is in the barn) so that they wouldn't stain. I heard a rustling sound and I thought I saw a person moving out of the corner of my eye. Without my glasses and the fact that it was really dark mixed with my overall anxiety because my husband wasn't home caused me to drop the sheets and run back into the house to protect my kids. I know it's stupid and really horrible that I wasted precious resources on something so trivial but I was terrified. My husband is the head of a very small drug task force and even though we live in a pretty sleepy town, he still gets threats now and again. Furthermore we recently moved from Sacramento because I was almost kidnapped about 2 years ago while I was walking home from the park with my kids and I didn't want to take ANY chances. I was treated with respect by the great officers who came out and my husband was immediately notified. He wasn't able to come home right away but one of his off duty officers came by and stayed on the couch the rest of the night. Thank you all for the well wishes and I appreciate all the great puns!! :)