By Karma

Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2625

You deserved it

6995

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Toxic people

Fire hydrant

By Neverthebride - United States

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62500

You deserved it

3801

Tweet

Share

By Karma

Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2625

You deserved it

6995

Tweet

Share

By daughterofanazi - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38640

You deserved it

4623

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49642

You deserved it

4105

Tweet

Share

By supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - Australia - Maida Vale

Today, my car broke down on my way home from university. I tried calling for help, only to realise my phone had completely run out of charge. Luckily, I had passed a police station so I decided to walk the 10 minutes down the road to ask for a phone. When I got there, the station was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14107

You deserved it

1005

Tweet

Share

By it_IS_just_me - United States

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42095

You deserved it

9276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31435

You deserved it

2535

Tweet

Share

By DangerousDriver

Today, while delivering for a building supply company, I was sent to an incorrect address. I attempted to turn around and got the 24-foot truck stuck in the mud. The homeowner left for work and then called the cops, saying someone was trespassing on his property. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4487

You deserved it

396

Tweet

Share

By 11321 - United States

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65895

You deserved it

6861

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 02:04

Life imitates art

Today, I had to sit through the film The 40 Year Old Virgin with my friends, who thought it was hilarious. I'm well over 40 and also a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1649

You deserved it

392

Tweet

Share

By Jes_jes18 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66779

You deserved it

7662

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34528

You deserved it

5864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42430

You deserved it

5340

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States - Greensburg

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45417

You deserved it

3679

Tweet

Share

By cheated - United States

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75730

You deserved it

4521

Tweet

Share

By idiotson - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55153

You deserved it

8931

Tweet

Share

By Good Parenting? - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29425

You deserved it

2827

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again! FML

I agree, your life sucks

24002

You deserved it

3315

Tweet

Share

By littlebigbrother - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27299

You deserved it

2125

Tweet

Share

By maddie - 15/5/2020 05:00

Gross

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1620

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37261

You deserved it

4688

Tweet

Share

By hopelesss88 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36515

You deserved it

4305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21766

You deserved it

2237

Tweet

Share

By distressed - Australia

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31387

You deserved it

4068

Tweet

Share

By Chuffy - United States - Fort Collins

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25145

You deserved it

2283

Tweet

Share

By viperplay53 - United States

Today, while working at a McDonald's drive-through, some dicks decided to pull a "fire in the hole" prank. Granted, it has been done to me before, this time was different. These pleasant people decided to use hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31285

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

By POLYBLOT - United States

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14919

You deserved it

55925

Tweet

Share

By xoothc08 - United States

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60113

You deserved it

2658

Tweet

Share

By lindsey789 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38670

You deserved it

3019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

My new house

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36327

You deserved it

13444

Tweet

Share

By Ali (New York) - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20217

You deserved it

35986

Tweet

Share

By allgrowedup - United States

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41268

You deserved it

5478

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5154

You deserved it

2570

Tweet

Share

By Aspireworks - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34138

You deserved it

2775

Tweet

Share

By Therunawaymoh

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3437

You deserved it

313

Tweet

Share

By iLikeMyLegs - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47442

You deserved it

2652

Tweet

Share

By Cindy - United States

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

143632

You deserved it

7286

Tweet

Share

By t.hughes - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51545

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By chels - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27144

You deserved it

3348

Tweet

Share

By f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34533

You deserved it

55813

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7425099 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 2:20

You can tie a long string between two of the toilet paper roll cores and, voilà, you have a phone!

By kloring1 | 15

#7425110 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 3:54

You can afford to eat out but don't have money for toilet paper? Interesting priorities...

COMMENTS

By assassinmaster | 22

#7425096 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 2:13

Go back to the restaurant and try to exchange your phone back with 3 toilet rolls:)

By RichardPencil | 29

#7425099 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 2:20

You can tie a long string between two of the toilet paper roll cores and, voilà, you have a phone!

By thelittlem | 15

#7425104 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 3:02

wow I had to do the same once at the gym because I was broke too. I had to jump straight in the shower after going to the toilet before then.

By THARKI LUND | 1

#7425105 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 3:14

You mean, you are in market to steal a phone now. ?

By somedudesomewher | 29

#7425106 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 3:15

Get a bidet. You will never have to use toilet paper ever again. Problem solved.

Reply

jkjorn | 15

#7425349 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 19:19

Except bidets cost money too, probably way more than OP has.

Reply

somedudesomewher | 29

#7425685 - Thursday 16 March 2017 14:44

Fair point. In that case get a hand bidet. Those cost far less and work well for years. Most of them even come with warranty.

By kloring1 | 15

#7425110 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 3:54

You can afford to eat out but don't have money for toilet paper? Interesting priorities...

Reply

Jenmic | 14

#7425116 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 5:02

He could of just walked into a restaurant bathroom just to steal toilet paper. Not that your theory is impossible.

Reply

lukcy_basartd | 11

#7425197 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 11:38

She coulda just walked in the restaurant to boost toilet paper.

Reply

lukcy_basartd | 11

#7425198 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 11:39

She coulda just walked in the restaurant to boost toilet paper.

Reply

GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425526 - Thursday 16 March 2017 6:00

or someone one else took him out to eat and thats another theory

By ElusiveMee | 6

#7425112 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 4:39

You're pretty much wiped out now.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7425130 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 6:54

So you're the one who took the toilet paper from the mall the other day.

By URBeingLied2 | 23

#7425245 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 14:19

All the people who voted "You Deserve It," have no idea what's it's like to be broke as fuck.

Reply

CSpencer2015 | 1

#7425741 - Thursday 16 March 2017 18:18

Can't afford toilet paper but can afford a smart phone... seems legit.

By Colon_Man | 17

#7425261 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 15:19

If you're that broke go back to mom and dad's house.
(If anything, just to steal toilet paper)