The Top

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By lonelyguy - 28/11/2009 03:02 - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend Thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 846

You deserved it 8 075

Coping

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 18:00

Today, I realized how self-absorbed my mother is when she came to visit, and was so upset at my sibling over a non-issue that she didn't notice I was high so I wouldn't have to remember anything she said. I was hoping for a healthier relationship with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 270

Drama queen

By Such a Karen - 22/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried making a dramatic exit during an argument, but my jacket got stuck on the door handle. My epic moment was ruined as I wrestled to free myself while my opponent just stood there, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 433

By s0728 - 01/09/2014 21:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 586

You deserved it 3 318

On a scale of 1 to Annoying…

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 106

Ow ow ow

By too much pain - 28/06/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, a few days after getting my nipples repierced, my man initiated sex. Normally, I love it when he's a little rough on my tits, and I guess he forgot about my not-entirely-healed nips. Let's just say sex ended REAL fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 481

Desperate times

By jeana - 25/11/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I was so desperate to pee that I used the only bathroom in the convenience store I was in, which was “Employees Only.” Well, the door got stuck and I had to get an employee to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 334

Justice served

By ToiletPrankster - 15/03/2022 06:00

Today, I thought it would be funny to prank call my job on my day off. I star 69’ed the numbers and prank called my coworkers. However, when I got to my boss, he knew who I was, and threatened to report me to the police. I’d forgotten to star 69. Safe to say, I was fired on my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 3 381

Evil plan

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, I broke my ankle jumping from a second story window. Turns out, the person my girlfriend has saved in her phone as "Mom" is her very jealous and “estranged” husband, who apparently knew about me, and was waiting on the opportunity to catch us. She giggled as I jumped out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 372

What a waster

By Anonymous - 01/07/2023 12:00

Today, when I arrived to a prospective customer's home to give her a shower replacement estimate, a sheriff pulled up behind me and arrested said customer. I drove a 3-hour round trip to this appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 89

Give it back

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 147

You deserved it 4 310

Which one?

By Anonymous - 05/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 101

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 29/06/2012 22:46 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 963

You deserved it 18 515

By GK - 08/05/2009 11:20 - Australia

Today, in my class I was nominated for the guy with the worst hairdo. I don't know what is worse, the fact that I was nominated or the fact that I felt let down when I did not win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 887

You deserved it 7 757

Sponges

By ToxicFamily - 10/12/2024 03:00 - Germany

Today, my brother and sister-in-law come over ONLY to use up the resources at our house - like food, TV subscriptions, and other items. They claim to love my kids and come over for them. If only they would look up from their phone and spend actual time with the kids. Is there a way to block toxic relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 124

By Lelia701 - 05/05/2009 13:55 - United States

Today, after living with my mom for years to save money I finally moved into my first condo. The day after I made my first mortgage payment the sewage system back up and leaked into my bedroom from outside, ruining the carpets and the walls. I have to move back in with my mom until it’s fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 690

You deserved it 3 406

Lelia701 tells us more.

Lelia701 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 16:47

Why does everyone think only a guy can buy a home? You know what they say about people who assume. 1. I’m female. 2. I’m a 25 year old graduate student with plenty of friends and wouldn’t even know how to play D&D. 3. I live in a city where buying a house in a nice area would cost 3 times as much so duh of course I bought a condo. . But thanks to those who understand what its like to have shit attack your house! The adjuster comes today at least.

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 22:00 - United States - Nampa

Today, the girl I really thought I had feelings for told me she kissed me on the cheek because I’m a sweet person, but she doesn’t want to be my partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 207

And you are?

By Firefighter Groom - 07/02/2021 23:01

Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 75

Hippies for life

By Anonymous - 10/04/2022 12:00

Today, rather than age gracefully my parents have decided they’re going to be the witch and wizard of our neighbourhood, meaning they grow herbs, redecorated the house atrociously, swapped their clothes for dresses and robes, and smoke questionable tobacco in wooden pipes. God they’re so embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 1 045

By my_only_friend - 03/06/2013 04:45 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was invited to a party. Since I rarely get invited to any, I was super pumped. Both my parents work late, so I texted a couple of people to see if I could catch a ride. It turned out everyone's cars were full. I ended up missing one of the only parties I've ever been invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 729

You deserved it 7 283

Sociopath time

By i…… - 14/04/2022 14:00

Today, my son’s mother is dying. He told me he feels “nothing at all” because of it. The reason? “Sometimes she punished me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 207

Cynicism is exhausting

By Lonesome Traveler - 23/12/2024 07:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, some idiot kid teased and taunted me for weeping on my "already bad performance", recording it on his phone threatening to put it on social media. I was singing and playing the guitar, in front of my childhood sweetheart, and supposedly soon-to-be wife's grave. It was our song. I do this every year on this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 126

Bizarre love triangle

By JuliaKay14 - 24/07/2023 16:00 - United States - Elmira

Today, I got a message from a former very close friend (with benefits) after telling him this morning that I couldn't talk to him anymore because I felt pressured to conform to his expectations in a way that hurt me. He wanted to tell me he broke up with the girl he abandoned things with me for. I'm not responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 372

Girls' trip, baby!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my I told my girlfriend I was owed an explanation as to why I've been ghosted since her "Girls' trip" out of state. She said she just didn't want to deal with me being upset about her snapping a guy she spent the two days with, and they were all over each in a picture she tried to hide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 101

By a-mishunderstanding - 08/08/2011 04:07

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 100

You deserved it 2 882

Nice to see you

By meeee - 13/02/2021 23:01

Today, I saw my 89 year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 114

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 18:00

Today, I had a nightmare in which my abuser came back into my life… but with gothy makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 617

You deserved it 7 781

Please don't go

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me, asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said, "What the fuck?" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 475

You deserved it 9 055

By krizleykrislo - 30/04/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was rollerblading in the university gardens and taking pictures. A worker started to yell at me, and I told him that I had perfect control and could stay on the sidewalk. As I turned to skate away, I faceplanted into a bed of prized rare flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 226

You deserved it 64 004

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The Top

The Top

Today, my 6-year-old nephew told me that he wanted to grow up already, so that he could smoke, drink and, "fuck like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 160

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 238

You deserved it 3 836

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 538

You deserved it 2 857

Today, I had to fire a line cook. While walking through the kitchen, I noticed a cut on his hand. When I demanded to know why it wasn’t bandaged and gloved, he scoffed and said "Real men don’t need that shit! Bandaids are for pussies!” Who knows how much of the kitchen this moron contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 90

Today, armed with enthusiasm and a trowel, I ventured into my yard to plant some flowers. Not even five minutes later, I managed to dig up the cable line, cutting off not only my TV but the entire building's internet. The only thing that's blooming now is my reputation as the least popular neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 657

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 434

You deserved it 844