Miscellaneous: Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point...

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 491

You deserved it 768

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Hiding from the drama

Bro, do you even lift?

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 073

You deserved it 35 821

By tiffylueg - 21/06/2016 13:38

Today, my allergies are killing me. I took a Benadryl to help, but the allergies are still here. I'm now chugging Mountain Dew at 9:30 in the morning to keep from falling asleep at my desk. Thanks for nothing Benadryl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 175

You deserved it 1 487

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 426

You deserved it 13 200

By NotHappyJan - 03/12/2018 03:00

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 665

You deserved it 1 939

By babasheep - 20/06/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 607

You deserved it 4 740

By rmb131 - 20/03/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 773

You deserved it 6 351

By MgmEboy - 19/09/2009 21:36 - Canada

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 268 507

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 541

You deserved it 38 415

Sucker

By BadIdea - 01/03/2012 21:23 - France

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 257

You deserved it 59 463

By xxteenhearts - 29/05/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 043

You deserved it 4 151

By thecatlady - 27/02/2013 07:12 - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 4 285

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 186

You deserved it 4 335

By Tank - 16/07/2016 23:14 - Canada

Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together, I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 542

You deserved it 751

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 14:29

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 571

By TingBarter - 09/07/2009 15:00 - United States

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 751

You deserved it 9 522

By whitechocolate - 20/07/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has known for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 823

You deserved it 2 867

By FromNL - 25/03/2011 12:22 - Netherlands

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 6 614

By kittkatt1 - 11/11/2013 01:52 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 316

You deserved it 5 482

By shizzy09 - 13/04/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 427

You deserved it 5 107

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 910

You deserved it 11 385

By Karmas3itch - 12/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 785

You deserved it 6 730

By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - 11/07/2015 03:49 - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 834

You deserved it 2 825

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 02:01

Today, my ex-girlfriend got some new piercings and decided to show me. They are the exact same piercings that the girl I'm currently seeing has. I'm starting to think she's still keeping tabs on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 142

By Ren - 28/12/2012 07:49 - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 186

You deserved it 5 633

By afraid of flying too - 24/06/2013 23:24 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 853

You deserved it 6 623

By 12345678 - 31/12/2009 08:01 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and saw that I had a message from my ex boyfriend. It's only been two weeks since we broke up and I assumed he sent me a message begging for me to take him back. He wanted to apologize for sleeping with my sister last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 445

You deserved it 5 681

That'll look good in the morning

By lizardface - 23/08/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 10 496

By ::Tracy:: - 17/04/2011 09:32 - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 674

You deserved it 5 815

By CorinnenotaplanB - 28/07/2018 01:30

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 263

Broke

By PinChi - 31/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my wife's OnlyFans account is the only thing keeping us solvent. Also, that my wife has an OnlyFans account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 08:39 - Australia

Today, I laughed about a fold in my girlfriend's jeans that felt like she had a tiny boner. She started crying. Turns out she has a slight deformity. Oops. Explains why we've been taking it so slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 932

You deserved it 7 900

By Aw522 - 30/05/2012 23:07 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 744

You deserved it 2 508

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 406

You deserved it 6 992

By imsad - 06/11/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 682

You deserved it 2 589

By Atropos - 01/06/2019 00:00

Today, I went to the campus health office because I had some VERY strong pains in my side. I thought my appendix was about to burst. I asked the receptionist for a doctor, but she said they were all out of the office until later, and kindly offered to make me an appointment for mid June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 21/07/2013 04:15 - United States

Today, I was working the drive-through at McDonald's. I greeted a customer with a, "Hi, how are you doing today?" His response: "Better than you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 220

You deserved it 8 390

Relativity

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 17:01

Today, I found out my husband of 8 years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 195

The joys of motherhood

By Walaa Hamdan - 31/08/2021 04:01

Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 92

By nbj10 - 31/05/2013 22:42 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 999

You deserved it 15 250

By ProudMama - 08/01/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 3 231

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Top comments

cacheson 41

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 9:58

Obviously you should just start a trash can fire next to your bed

jocamo 24

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 21:16

maybe an electric blanket? Of it wasn't such an old building I'd suggest installing a wood furnace.

HighasaCloud 46

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 9:35

Did you at least buy them a drink first?

RedCronos 17

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 9:49

Just wear multiple sets of clothing.

cacheson 41

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 9:58

Obviously you should just start a trash can fire next to your bed

Xelabasat 14

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 10:03

Just wear your clothes?

madeline9322 17

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 14:16

Tried it. I just can't fall asleep that way. It's funny, because as a kid I loathed pitting on pajamas and would always sleep in normal clothes, even if it was jeans. it drove my parents mad. Now I wish I could do that.

OysterPearls 33

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 18:47

Why don't you try putting them in the dryer for a couple of minutes before you wake up? I do that with blankets all the time, less wrinkles that way. Or you could iron them in the morning, instant cozy clothes! Hope you find some warmth soon! (edit: I see others have made the same suggestion, great minds think alike!)

madeline9322 17

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 21:10

My parents wouldn't want me to - we live in the country, the dryer is old and lpud, and hydro is a fortune. But that's a pretty great suggestion.

TheAprilWitch 21

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 23:37

If it's really cold and you sleep with your clothes on, getting out of bed is a nightmare. It's like getting out of your mother's womb directly into an igloo.

fireblazes 11

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 10:09

Space heaters? $20 at Walmart.

polsen4273 8

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Thursday 22 December 2016 4:22

300$ for his parents next electric bill

melana09 19

Tuesday 20 December 2016 12:08

I'd just pop them in the dryer for a few minutes

fushengyuan 20

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 13:21

For those of you thats not from Canada... WELCOME TO CANADA. During winter especially

JustinJK 21

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 19:13

or they could just not have heat. I've always liked living in older walkups versus newer shinier buildings. Way more character and quality. The last one I lived in had an undergrouns heated garage. however the apartments had radiator heaters that were only turned on when the building went below a certain temperature. had to buy a couple space heaters.

TabooSushi 24

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 15:10

So there's this awesome thing called a space heater. Maybe invest in one?

madeline9322 17

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 21:13

There's this crazy thing where I live with my family in a 120 year old farmhouse in a Canadian winter so the heat from a space heater would dissipate as soon as you turn it off - it would cost a fortune.

jocamo 24

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 21:16

maybe an electric blanket? Of it wasn't such an old building I'd suggest installing a wood furnace.

madeline9322 17

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Wednesday 21 December 2016 4:21

There actually is a wood furnace that burns so hot at night if you go in that room you immediately break out in a thick sweat and your clothes feel sticky and wet. But the insulation is so bad that my room is consistently extremely cold.

Sammeydw 22

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Wednesday 21 December 2016 17:23

I have similar problem in my house. Nice heater, but terrible insulation. My room is about 20 degrees below ( about 30 if it is windy ) the rest of the house. Luckily my sister gave me a good electric blanket, and fleece. And mom gave me a quilt. Now I sleep with the electric blanket under me, the quilt on me, and the fleece on the quilt. It works good. The only down side is I have to keep a mug of something to drink on the desk next to my bed so I don't become dehydrated.

bulletsinthewind 21

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 15:18

Well, perhaps you could buy a small space heater. They don't have to be expensive to get the job done. Just make sure you don't leave things close to it, as it could start a fire

TheAprilWitch 21

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 23:31

That's sad. You can also put your clothes for the next day between your covers. That way you'll be warmer at night and your clothes won't be cold or wrinkled in the morning.