Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML
Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
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Top comments
rhcpalex93 0
hit it anyway!
TK1279 2
Ellen Ripley? ha win
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Comments (73)
rhcpalex93 0
hit it anyway!
rhcpalex93 0
on an unrelated note...... first!
airstik2003 0
lmao
rhcpalex93 0
damn the mods are quick. hahaha delete this mofo's! first
rallets 22
you "dismantled" it? whatd you do, take it apart with a screwdriver or something? lmao
iSitt 0
invest in a taser
jewban 3
it was probably a ghost printing shit out LOL
thecrazyasian 3
what the **** would a lamp do
ke59100 1
:o are you ok?!?!
victoria023 0
who put the paper in there??? dundundunnn
Octwo 16
first of all, that robber sure sounds mechanical
TK1279 2
Ellen Ripley? ha win
the_ace1337 0
kudos on the wording :D
dtbomb 3
What noise was your printer making?
allmidnighteyes 10
Hissing sounds maybe? They mostly come at night... mostly...
04VWR32 6
haha! that's good.
MissErikaHart 0
great south park reference !
allmidnighteyes 10
it's a reference to the movie Aliens like the OP made with Ellen Ripley. South Park made the reference to that in the babysitting episode.
TurboTalon 0
Who was trying to print something in the middle of the night??
ShadyFTW1 0
Once again, OP is a chick marinis.
Siji 0
No real weapons in the room, not even a knife? I'd be carrying a combat knife and a shotgun if i heard a robber >:)
thisgirl2u 9
Your comment made me laugh, Thank you sir. :)
iheartglasses 0
Yes, totally FYL that it was a printer instead of a robber that could have had a gun. You want to play hero and beat up on people? Take a karate class
zazooftanzania 4
ya wise ass cuz u can totally dodge a bullet with karate
azhein 0
yeah I agree with you isn't it a good thing that it was just the printer?
WTFKuro 0
Turns out you were actually channeling Eleanor Rigby.
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
Clever. This made me grin.
Icyyy 0
Lol.