Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the...

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 787

You deserved it 34 549

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Same thing different taste

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 13 879

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 405

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 23 820

By joe - 08/08/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 804

You deserved it 8 347

By Marty - 10/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took three hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 311

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 974

You deserved it 99 956

Inappropriate crush

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 17:00

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 07/05/2013 12:48 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 173

You deserved it 9 689

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 557

You deserved it 1 611

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 943

You deserved it 8 713

musicislife1995_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:27

lol you drink so much you had to lie to a cashier!

cerebellum_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:50

PARTY AT HER HOUSE

Comments

musicislife1995_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:27

lol you drink so much you had to lie to a cashier!

JCHammer 5

Thursday 27 January 2011 21:44

Ain't it great being Irish?

tormcn 26

Tuesday 7 April 2015 6:12

Forget the fact they bought booze from a grocery store.. what?

cynima 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:27

Oh, an alcoholic self-mock.

okadaj 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:31

sounds like you took this from Henry Poole Is Here

COBRAMORPH 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:46

good job being a drunk ****.

wheatie 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:36

you don even know that. quit being a prejudiced bastard.

pinto502 0

Monday 23 August 2010 19:29

I agree with you wheatie

DeJahVu 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:47

haha wow. first time Ive ever heard this. you my friend, FAIL!

Antivirus_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:49

Get a life! Thats all i have to say.

cerebellum_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:50

PARTY AT HER HOUSE

Asstazztic 8

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:51

lol

leandra12 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 10:01

Haha, invite me over?? I don't see the problem here, the cashier was probably just a stuck-up bitch.

musicislife1995_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 10:08

#9 he's ashamed himself by how much he drinks.

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The Top

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 1 134

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 870

You deserved it 43 620

The Top

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 280

You deserved it 5 232

Today, my neighbour across the street has entered his ninth consecutive hour of playing Limp Bizkit at full blast. The only thing overriding my concern for his mental health is my sheer surprise that they have 9 hours of original music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 101

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 159

You deserved it 9 825

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 217

You deserved it 24 092

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 655

You deserved it 7 884

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 431

Same thing different taste

Bulk buying

Smart move

Inappropriate crush

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

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