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By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 109

You deserved it 9 525

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 07:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I lost my wallet. Canceled my bank cards. Bought a new wallet. Got a $141 parking fine at the motor registry while getting my replacement license which also cost me $22. Went to go to the gym and when I went to put my bike jacket on, felt something inside the sleeve. My wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 017

You deserved it 31 766

Romie1985 tells us more.

Romie1985 0

Friday 12 March 2010 23:32

I actually did look for my wallet, spent over 3 hours looking for it in all obvious places, tore my house apart, checked my clothing pockets several times. It wasn't in the pocket, it fell down the sleeve of my motorcycle jacket. You say I'm an idiot yet half you people can't even read. "Should of checked your pockets". It was down in the sleeve not in the pocket.

Never cross the streams

By FiredAF - 20/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was emailing my department about a huge meeting we’re going to have. I was also emailing back and forth with another colleague about office gossip. I absentmindedly replied to the wrong email. I hit reply all to the meeting e-mail, saying that the new supervisor of X department was "so fucking retarded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 1 271

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 550

You deserved it 6 857

Give it away

By zobara - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 024

You deserved it 4 024

Right in the kidneys

By still single - 28/07/2021 22:01

Today, after spending three weeks in the hospital for a kidney infection, I found out the girl I have been dating now has a girlfriend. I guess that’s why she couldn’t visit me this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 83

No means no

By Anonymous - 19/10/2022 22:00

Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 124

By videochat - 14/02/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 964

You deserved it 53 913

The Reid technique

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 00:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 148

Fighting fit

By Michael - 25/02/2024 00:00 - United States - Hampton

Today, after training for 3 months for a marathon, three weeks from race day I tripped and fell during my last long run and cracked a rib, so I took ten painful days off. I decided to go try a short run to see if maybe I could still try the race, and got attacked by a German Shepard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 127

I did warn you…

By Anonymous - 28/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to me, hysterically crying that her boyfriend had hit and choked her. I’d feel bad for her except he’s my ex who also beat me, yet when I turned to my mother for help she decided to take him in instead and get pregnant with his kid. What goes around comes around bitch! FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 95

By kiken.bara - 06/01/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I saw his newly updated Facebook status, which read, "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 992

You deserved it 7 511

Sophie's Choice

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 04:01

Today, my love life comes down to a choice in loneliness: I can either be alone, because I never meet anyone these days, let alone an interesting guy. Or, I can go back to my ex, who I left because he made me feel alone while sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 213

Brief encounter

By *School PTSD Intensifies* - 28/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I, a person who has graduated high school, encountered one of my high school teachers in public. The one known for her rampant ableism against me and tendency to get heated when people don't respond immediately to her when she talks. I've had horrible social anxiety for several years. Do the math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 247

By princesss_14 - 26/12/2013 02:07 - United States - Seguin

Today, I got a whistle key finder from my grandma for Christmas. This would have been nice if I could actually whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 063

You deserved it 4 954

Creep

By fu2then - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He said, "Yeah well, you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 4 260

By maryfaithh - 27/01/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 521

You deserved it 26 011

By workinggirl - 07/03/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 406

You deserved it 3 568

The struggle is real

By Any mouse - 06/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I'm a 46 year-old woman who hates online dating, and who is now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 204

Rock on, dude

By sammers27 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Scottsdale

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 565

You deserved it 4 958

Spooky

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 22:00

Today, my boyfriend had a nightmare, talking in his sleep about not hurting himself anymore or "auntie Nat Nat" will put him "back in the home with the mean doctors and the sicky medicine." WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 109

Jealous guy?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2025 00:00

Today, at nearly 9 months pregnant, I came home to find the nursery that had been set up was now completely stripped of everything. My husband was angry at me for not forgiving him for getting another woman pregnant at the same time, so he took everything from the room and gave it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 94

By whyymee - 05/03/2010 07:50 - United States

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 947

You deserved it 3 348

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 22:54 - Australia

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 170

You deserved it 3 164

By cheerymama - 23/01/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 960

You deserved it 26 175

Bored

By letmeinplease - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, all so there could be "someone to answer the phone." The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 750

You deserved it 3 021

Pick on someone else

By ARFID - 12/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I have a largely unknown and heavily stigmatized eating disorder that severely limits my food palate. It will most likely lead to a premature death if left untreated, and everyone I know - even doctors - just call me "picky" and leave it at that. I WANT to eat normally. Can't you understand? FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 08:30 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 511

You deserved it 23 134

By krissy - 20/03/2011 21:40 - United States

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 876

You deserved it 7 127

By Chanman1924 - 24/12/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 594

You deserved it 3 775

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The Top

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 936

You deserved it 2 541

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 203

You deserved it 3 292

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 270

You deserved it 53 371

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 48

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 25 754

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 420