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By stuff - 16/08/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 695

You deserved it 6 326

By anon - 18/03/2011 12:36

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 536

You deserved it 7 681

By nooooo - 17/03/2011 01:25 - United States

Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 839

You deserved it 45 188

By fml - 05/02/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 392

You deserved it 10 955

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, a coworker sent a last-minute request for a highly complex custom report based on a spreadsheet. It took most of the weekend and Monday to get right because he'd screwed up most of the calculations. The client was pissed; they'd wanted it done by 5PM GMT that Friday. He'd sat on the request until 5 EST Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 87

Cooked out

By Anonymous - 22/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I got invited to a cookout. The host apologized as I got there because the hamburger meat had gone bad, and all they had were hot dogs, which I can't eat because they give me the runs. It was either that or starve, because I don't get paid until tomorrow. I wrote this on my ninth trip to the can this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 218

Hush!

By spaz - 14/03/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 936

You deserved it 13 728

By chevysprint - 28/02/2010 05:36 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 429

You deserved it 33 410

Biking

By OMGWTF - 13/08/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 156

You deserved it 6 157

Zoomed out

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 23:00

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 343

By CosmicJoke - 12/08/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 060

You deserved it 5 396

By Jim - 10/03/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 685

You deserved it 9 065

Thanks but no thanks

By Anonymous - 06/10/2025 09:00

Today, a woman grabbed my arm and told me she wanted to ride me like a stallion then suck me clean afterwards. It would have been tempting were she not my 90 year-old Alzheimer’s-riddled nana, who raised me on her own and took me to church twice a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 115

By GrossedOut - 11/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 2 428

By Lespoon - 25/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 235

You deserved it 29 121

By Miko - 01/02/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 291

You deserved it 32 481

Stop bringing it up!

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 00:00 - India

Today, I've recently been promoted to a VP at a bank. Despite this, in my parents' eyes, I will always be that idiot two year-old who refused to put his pants on at the cinema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 123

Tipped off

By MicachuPikachu - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came out of my own pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 375

You deserved it 14 045

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 137

You deserved it 21 555

Freak out

By Brooke - 09/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 951

You deserved it 57 227

Vape Nation

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 19:01

Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 134

Digging

By Anonymous - 03/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter is such a greedy idiot. Her ex was voluntarily giving her over £1000 for the kid but she decided she wanted more, and dragged him to child support court. She’s now only getting about £500 and her ex, who formerly had a great relationship with her, now hates her guts. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 191

By disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 479

You deserved it 3 696

Clapped out

By Insulted - 12/10/2025 20:00

Today, I was at the gym when a trainer said, “Wow, good for you! I love seeing older people stay active.” I’m 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 81

By notworthit - 23/02/2010 00:53 - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 839

You deserved it 4 681

Dressed for success

By bitchsawmebuyit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize I'd lost my receipt. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 4 789

Cheers

By ineedanotherdrink - 07/08/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 938

You deserved it 5 562

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 546

You deserved it 3 345

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 93

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The Top

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 125

You deserved it 1 791

Today, I spent more time driving to my vacation spot than actually vacationing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 442

You deserved it 4 201

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 823

You deserved it 3 163

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 784

You deserved it 10 865

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 878

You deserved it 369

Today, I found out that my daughter has been making up horrible lies about her home life to impress some new friends. Since when is having two highly involved, loving parents with good careers and a nice home an embarrassment? FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 73