The Top

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Old boy

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 20:00

Today, I visited my girlfriend’s family in Louisiana and her grandmother told her Pawpaw was still alive. Was it a neighbor or relative. Nope, a 60 year-old 12-foot alligator in the river behind their house. He actually came like a dog when she whistled. Scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 75

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such chronic back pain that I can usually never get comfortable, but I found the perfect position to lie in bed, and was nearly 100% pain free. I felt so good. Someone knocked on the door, so I had to answer it. They'd got the wrong house number. I couldn’t find that perfect position again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 122

Context

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out that a old friend of mine and her man broke up because he cheated on her. For context, we stopped being friends after he came onto me after a night at a bar, and we semi-hooked up. I'm also a gay man. Should I reach out? FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 541

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 3 822

By iloveZELOS - 05/07/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 047

You deserved it 4 498

Cloth ears

By Chad - 10/09/2020 04:02 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my hubby asked me what we were doing for dinner. He'd already asked me twice and each time I responded, he said, "Sounds good." He has no idea why I feel like he doesn't listen to me. He's been doing this shit for 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 353

Go home mom, you're drunk

By Single and pissed - 18/02/2023 04:00

Today, my Syrian-American fiancée is reconsidering the engagement and returned the ring, all because my mother decided last night was the perfect night to get drunk during dinner, and blurt out racist Muslim jokes and phrases. She refuses to apologize or acknowledge that she did anything wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 251

Snoozefest

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 15:00

Today, a guy didn’t want to take me on a second date. I asked him if it was because I’m not pretty, or because I’m not catwalk model skinny, or too short, and he told me quite openly that it had nothing to do with that, I’m just so boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 698

By mikki bee - 30/12/2014 17:24 - United States - Reno

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 2 530

Repressed memories

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about my uncle who committed suicide when I was younger. When I tried to remember his name, my mind went completely blank. It was bugging me all day, until I remembered halfway through the movie we were watching. It took me a whole day to remember my deceased uncle's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 184

Retail work sucks

By Anonymous - 11/07/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a very rude older woman came in wanting to buy her first laptop. After a full hour showing her laptops and all the stuff you can do with them, she decided she didn’t want one. As a bonus, she told my manager, “He’s not very good at his job, is he?” Walk toward the light, you grave-dodging old bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 121

Clutter

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 719

You deserved it 3 084

Not so close

By WorriedGF - 21/02/2023 16:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 3 years has a 'Close Friends' restriction on his Instagram stories. I’m not included in that restriction. Upon asking about it during dinner, he knocked stuff off the table, told me to “stop worrying about petty shit so much,” and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 197

Oversharing while drunk? Nah

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, after my roommate and I, as well as our significant others, had some drinks, then we started listing off/counting our past sexual partners. It got to a point where his girlfriend and I both had multipliers of 10 times that of our partners. They kicked us both out, and she didn’t offer me a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 1 355

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 06:37 - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 984

You deserved it 56 303

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 95

Help!

By nuerrotticc - 06/01/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2 a.m. because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 573

You deserved it 6 718

Idiots

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband took our son into the woods with a big stick and two tennis rackets because they'd found a hornets nest. Yes, they used the stick to poke the nest and the tennis rackets to whack the hornets, like they thought it was a game. They got swarmed and are now in hospital. Idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 112

By OverweightTeen - 14/01/2010 06:59 - Canada

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 985

You deserved it 24 941

By StillSingle - 29/06/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 342

You deserved it 5 105

By angry - 28/06/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 113

You deserved it 8 693

Hotkey

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 22:00

Today, I was screen-sharing during a virtual meeting when my cat jumped up and walked across my keyboard, and revealed my embarrassing search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 794

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 18:22 - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 639

You deserved it 5 391

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 1 020

Impressive

By Kris - 27/07/2024 12:00 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I tried to blow my girlfriend's vegan parents minds by cooking them a tofu stir-fry. Being allergic to tofu but wanting to prove my cooking skills, I wore gloves and avoided touching my face. Somehow, I still managed to get it in my eye, causing an allergic reaction that made my face swell up like a balloon. Now her parents think I'm some sort of Martian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 451

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 35 881

By PyroSam - 12/12/2014 18:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 766

You deserved it 3 017

PyroSam tells us more.

PyroSam 21

Saturday 13 December 2014 10:48

Here's the full story (just saying this is my first FML that has been published. Yay!). First off, we'd had a fight and he'd stormed out of the house. I believe he went out with his friends and got drunk out of his mind, which is probably where the midnight Christmas breakup idea came from. The carollers were surprisingly supportive, and I didn't even have to tip them. The next morning I received a grovelling voice message, which I subsequently ignored. I think I'm done with that relationship now, but hats off to his originality.

Spray it

By GoldenShower - 25/06/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 981

You deserved it 8 099

You started it!

By Anonymous - 30/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I received a text from an unknown number that read, "I love you." Thinking it was my partner being sweet, I responded with a long, sappy message about how much they mean to me. Turns out, it was a wrong number. The person responded with, "Um, thanks but I think you have the wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 533

By apparentlyunsexy - 27/10/2011 04:00 - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 3 968

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 350

You deserved it 2 835

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 295

You deserved it 6 556

Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 087

You deserved it 6 513

Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 217

Today, I found a $10 bill on the ground. I got so excited and felt like I was the richest person alive. That was, until the wind blew it out of my hand, never to be seen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 206

You deserved it 7 915

Today, my half-drunk best friend, who I share lot of hobbies with, and love hanging out with, publicly confessed her love for me, and described how her heart burns every time she sees me with my wife, who's my childhood sweetheart, and love of my life. Now I am having to choose between the two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 356