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By Earths_Venus - 25/12/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 307

You deserved it 3 495

By Not A Pervert - 04/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 993

You deserved it 5 745

There's no justice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 897

You deserved it 2 634

Run run run

By Chiong - 26/02/2022 12:00

Today, I rushed from work so I could get to the library to return a book that was due. The library closes at 7:00 p.m. I arrived at 6:56, huffing and puffing. The lady saw me, slammed the door in my face, and locked it. I now have to pay a late fee for 4 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 214

Let it out, dude

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 10:01

Today, why is life fucking me from behind like a fucking cunt? Fuck life, I hate life, fuck it, fuck everyone. Why do I suck? Why do i make always bad decisions? Why am I so fucking irresponsible and incapable of fucking anything? Why am I so useless and why do I suck at things I fucking work for and try my best for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 1 476

Send help

By Virginy - 01/11/2014 01:26 - France

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 2 625

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 15:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 728

You deserved it 13 011

Windshield blues

By Damnit - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. Two weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they couldn't make it that day and turned up any way after I'd gone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 280

You deserved it 231

Karma

By LOLOLOLOL - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 511

You deserved it 38 499

How? Why?

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Onancock

Spicy

Today, after getting in bed after a long day, I decided I would relieve some tension. Just as I'm ready to pop, in walks my grandma. I explode. My grandma, without missing a beat, just says, "Get cleaned up and go to bed. It's after twelve o'clock, you have to work in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 371

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 143

You deserved it 6 636

Done for

By heathenhaha - 10/02/2017 20:21 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I became the center of attraction of my office floor after sending my resumé to my work Whatsapp group, asking them to share with their friends for job openings. My VP is owner of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 6 085

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 469

You deserved it 6 902

By nikko blue - 20/12/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 472

You deserved it 34 391

That's nice

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 752

You deserved it 3 902

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 5 439

By caliibbyy - 29/11/2010 05:03

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 7 254

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 459

You deserved it 3 667

By gavinbanks - 21/07/2013 22:55 - United States - Medford

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 777

You deserved it 26 685

gavinbanks tells us more.

gavinbanks 13

Saturday 24 August 2013 22:27

Hey everyone! Op here, thought I'd clear some things up. I had my phone on me but it was dead that night. I actually saw the girl again last night at another party, I told her the story and she have me her number again! Everything worked out for the best I guess, Thanks for the funny comments everyone!!!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 272

You deserved it 5 160

By solitaire - 20/07/2013 08:14 - United States - Enumclaw

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 189

You deserved it 8 235

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 604

You deserved it 13 126

Beauty standards

By Anonymous - 08/05/2023 03:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend snuck up behind me while I was naked and whispered in my ear to bend over. I thought this was a lead up to doggy style but nope, he slapped a waxing strip on my exposed bum hole and ran off yelling, “No more hairy hole! No more hairy hole!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 563

Easy

By FootinMouth - 18/07/2013 21:48 - United States - Louisville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 54 713

By whoahshloann - 30/05/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 54 116

By ryansmithho - 24/11/2010 19:06 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 824

You deserved it 14 927

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 407

You deserved it 4 666

By 44magnumtime - 06/08/2012 17:57 - Canada - Oakville

Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 666

You deserved it 1 752

Just because you can don't mean you should

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 20:06 - Nigeria

Today, I got stuck in my washing machine. When my sister saw me, she just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 851

By Upset Mommy - 14/07/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 973

You deserved it 3 708

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Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess. The first thing my son said was, "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 853

You deserved it 365

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 656

You deserved it 5 451

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 964

You deserved it 4 447

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 271

You deserved it 848

Today, I realized that I might be falling for a girl. She's fucking beautiful. She can't love me, I'm not good enough for her, and she's in love with someone else. Besides, I have a girlfriend but it never seems like we're close and I don't even know if I had a crush on her before, but I still love her as a friend and can't break her heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 786

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 124

You deserved it 9 026