Money and Miscellaneous: Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the...

By Anonymous - United States - Jackson

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

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6743

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Money

Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Sorry…

The client is always right

By holyshart - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23462

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2558

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By Into the darkness - 30/3/2021 21:30

Losing more than I'll ever have

Today, my girlfriend left me. When she moved out, she even took the light bulbs with her. FML

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877

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35910

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3052

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By everfresh - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23097

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3802

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By Fubar0906 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56452

You deserved it

17467

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By Anonymous

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

669

You deserved it

1528

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By lame - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10362

You deserved it

21932

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By GonnaBeLonley2night - United States

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32106

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8295

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By jimmyt420 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

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30497

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16057

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By no booze, no boyfriend - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49856

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4631

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By FreakedOut - United States

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54980

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2803

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By wtf is a naruto?! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was helping my cousin plan her backyard wedding. I requested September 19-21 off for visiting and festivities. My asshole of a boss is refusing, because of some proposed Area 51 invasion. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I’m afraid I might miss the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1860

You deserved it

145

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By midwify - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35199

You deserved it

7590

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By Harry - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17459

You deserved it

43860

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By Dr Pepper

I'm not sad. Or am I?

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

859

You deserved it

1562

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By Anonymous

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22202

You deserved it

1310

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By dumbass stereotypes

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2040

You deserved it

209

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By kebaby - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

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11915

You deserved it

48091

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By I said whaat

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15129

You deserved it

36747

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By heathenapparently

Today, while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan, my mother started crying. When I asked her why, she said, "I just know that if the plane crashes, I will never see you again because you are going to hell." Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2496

You deserved it

223

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By DimeShapedBruise - United States - Beaverton

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

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46597

You deserved it

3118

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By Lindso1

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

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4131

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228

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By mapleleafs34 - United States

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

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28164

You deserved it

7283

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By alwaysxgettingxshitxon - United States

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60111

You deserved it

2928

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By nanuka_g - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33411

You deserved it

3464

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 20:01

How's the diet going?

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks

579

You deserved it

1135

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By acw2110 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

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73499

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12003

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By Pissy pants

Today, I had a horrible headache on my way home from lunch. I pulled over and vomited so forcefully I peed my pants, a lot. I had pee in my shoes. FML

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3100

You deserved it

214

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By Anonymous - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

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28273

You deserved it

2005

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By it's just hair

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler's" FML

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3912

You deserved it

728

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By Johna Richardson

Today, after my boyfriend ignored me for hours playing video games, he gave me some attention for a little bit. When I tried to run my fingers through his hair, I missed and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3854

You deserved it

794

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed a disgusting odor that seemed to be radiating off my brother. When I asked him about it, he replied, "I think it's ball sweat. I haven't had a shower in a few weeks, so it's hard to tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44219

You deserved it

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By IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40767

You deserved it

6106

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By bdaygirl - United States

Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34846

You deserved it

4699

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By Anonymous

Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4499

You deserved it

1356

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By 0ros - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29611

You deserved it

4344

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By Anonymous

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

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1635

You deserved it

269

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

What day is it?

Today, I caught my dad smoking the weed he grounded me for having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5302

You deserved it

1232

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 14:03

Hairy situation

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1427

You deserved it

185

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By smf_ds - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

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25001

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Top comments

By 604 | 11

#7402417 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:06

If you chose to spend the last of your money on a haircut, you kinda deserved it...

By cacheson | 41

#7402427 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:28

Sounds like not her fault... hope the haircut helps you get a better job!

COMMENTS

By abut95 | 8

#7402415 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:05

Burn it down.

By 604 | 11

#7402417 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:06

If you chose to spend the last of your money on a haircut, you kinda deserved it...

By newemby | 0

#7402424 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:20

your hair is all you had left in the world? that sounds incredibly overdramatic.

By Amdwew | 2

#7402425 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:24

Why so much money dou

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7402426 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:28

You know when they say, "hair today, gone tomorrow."

By cacheson | 41

#7402427 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:28

Sounds like not her fault... hope the haircut helps you get a better job!

By redblips | 13

#7402430 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:38

I feel you, this place is a frozen wasteland on a good day. Good luck OP!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7402431 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:40

I'll bet most of the cost was from weeding in your nether regions.

By TabooSushi | 24

#7402433 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 4:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Viewerv | 2

#7402476 - Wednesday 1 February 2017 6:32

Unless you were naked, pretty sure you still have stuff in this world!