Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none...

By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 11:23 - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32897

You deserved it

6531

Favorite

Intimacy

Fear factor

Don't shoot the messenger

Who's a good boy?

By TordNorski - 4/5/2016 17:44 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13755

You deserved it

1105

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/2/2016 13:49 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I came out of the closet, after years of fear and shame, thanks to my mom making me to go to a church full of fundies my whole life. In the end, I was in tears. All I got was a frown and a "So? Want a medal or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

19697

You deserved it

3736

Favorite

By mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39053

You deserved it

3207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40883

You deserved it

5147

Favorite

By WetWalking - 21/3/2013 13:31 - United States - Tyler

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42019

You deserved it

3734

Favorite

By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2020 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Good smell

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

614

You deserved it

1736

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/7/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16838

You deserved it

1105

Favorite

By :$ - 6/8/2012 22:08 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9949

You deserved it

34974

Favorite

By spitstopper - 7/8/2014 02:22 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43470

You deserved it

3073

Favorite

By howard1954 - 8/6/2015 15:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They reacted by simply lecturing me for an hour about how much he'll ruin my life and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28585

You deserved it

2631

Favorite

By badluckdrew - 1/5/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59408

You deserved it

20543

Favorite

By belladonna1025 - 11/5/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10171

You deserved it

795

Favorite

By ... - 18/2/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3293

You deserved it

5408

Favorite

By gali-ma - 7/2/2015 12:52 - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32372

You deserved it

3584

Favorite

By Anonymouse - 7/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25762

You deserved it

2116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/7/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39895

You deserved it

10402

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2011 14:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38371

You deserved it

7772

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31037

You deserved it

6472

Favorite

By teeth - 30/1/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

I agree, your life sucks

7228

You deserved it

45666

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/6/2020 17:02

Boundaries

Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1591

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 16:00

They Do.

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1088

You deserved it

978

Favorite

By Forever Alone x2 - 7/1/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the only two people I've had feelings for in years are both dating each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36931

You deserved it

4051

Favorite

By likeyourboss - 4/10/2013 16:05 - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43592

You deserved it

5920

Favorite

By YaytoSeniorYear - 5/9/2017 20:00

Today, my roommate revealed that she's dating my ex. I later had to navigate around them caressing each other just to grab my noodles from the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4687

You deserved it

270

Favorite

By Creep - 15/7/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31649

You deserved it

6056

Favorite

By anonymous - 2/11/2014 04:51 - United States - Vacaville

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33987

You deserved it

7579

Favorite

By Jayanka - 3/5/2018 05:00

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5000

You deserved it

570

Favorite

By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19348

You deserved it

40427

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/6/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54876

You deserved it

3824

Favorite

By girlllll - 1/6/2010 12:31 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28225

You deserved it

5770

Favorite

By anonymous - 12/8/2009 16:14 - Canada

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39127

You deserved it

53307

Favorite

By Nublet - 7/9/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35831

You deserved it

5431

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2018 19:00

Today, on my way back from a family trip, my fiancé informed me via text that he'd been cheating on me for years and that he'd moved out of our house and left the state. He blocked me before I could respond. We were together for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6390

You deserved it

323

Favorite

By GogurtBadass - 18/9/2013 16:55 - United States - Olympia

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45538

You deserved it

5328

Favorite

By sarahfromthesouth - 8/6/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43458

You deserved it

7482

Favorite

By teejayrn - 17/12/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32662

You deserved it

4924

Favorite

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Explication between girl

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2281

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By minnEmouse - 21/6/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40269

You deserved it

3225

Favorite

By lylethomes15 - 21/4/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

129404

You deserved it

5325

Favorite

By Boyufd - 15/10/2019 02:00

Too late

Today, I bought a replacement ID after weeks looking for my old one and not finding it. When I got home, my brother said he'd found my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1356

You deserved it

185

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rldostie | 19

#1793286 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:22

Maybe you're not as straight as you think.

By JessieMongoose | 11

#1793279 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:20

LMAO.

Comments

By JessieMongoose | 11

#1793279 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:20

LMAO.

nathan5 | 0

#1793282 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:21

i second that

starile | 19

#1793362 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:38

Who the hell WOULDN'T wanna get with the Terminator?

Oh wait. Straight guys.

iSitt | 0

#1793630 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:01

the governor had boobgate a few years ago.
maybe you could grow some moobs.

zkchild | 0

#1793687 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:16

Sounds like you would like to get marked for termination.

brianjman14 | 22

#1793816 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:57

Well, I had a dream last night where I got it good from Ganondorf. Is that weird, too?

slatter | 1

#1793898 - Saturday 4 December 2010 22:26

I'm sorry but arnie is like Demi-god, he's so manly that this is actually the straightest dream you can have

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1793918 - Saturday 4 December 2010 22:38

Doin it with a robot isn't gay, just weird

AgeOfAquariusss | 7

#1793986 - Saturday 4 December 2010 23:29

I had a dream about Hugh Jackman once... then again, I'm a straight female, which makes it an LML :D

luvyah | 0

#1794474 - Sunday 5 December 2010 2:31

Ummmmmmm no wonder no 1 else commented. T-T

sloppyflow | 1

#1795904 - Sunday 5 December 2010 7:13

the problem is. was the Arnold in his dream the good young ripped Arnold or the old saggy Arnold. :S

KennKenn | 0

#1795914 - Sunday 5 December 2010 7:23

"I am a sophisticated sex robot sent back in time to change the future for one lucky girl"

MRiKiCCS | 0

#1796432 - Sunday 5 December 2010 9:51

^ lol.. or a fag dreaming about guys... lol

FailVader | 0

#1800858 - Monday 6 December 2010 5:44

He'll be back.

ericownz101 | 0

#1801195 - Monday 6 December 2010 7:54

95- american pie 2 ftw (;

KennKenn | 0

#1802227 - Monday 6 December 2010 14:18

It's also in AP1, isn't it?

ledgehanger | 0

#1820164 - Thursday 9 December 2010 18:38

58 I have dreams were I give it good to Zelda

PopRocks14 | 0

#3030556 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 18:13

I love your description on your info :D

alfakennybody | 10

#5307872 - Friday 4 January 2013 4:13

Ur as straight as a bendy straw

By king4209 | 0

#1793284 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:22

he's from Germany!!!!lmao

swimmerstud | 7

#1793470 - Saturday 4 December 2010 20:13

you're wrong. he's from Austria

Zebidee | 8

#1793624 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:00

It didn't occur to you to even check that first?

im_wilder | 0

#1793812 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:56

couldn't you atleast google it? or do you got an IQ of a crackhead? :P

AllStarHockey | 0

#1796558 - Sunday 5 December 2010 10:23

he's from Austria lol fail..

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6227554 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:29

Hey pal, you just blow in from stupid town?

By rldostie | 19

#1793286 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:22

Maybe you're not as straight as you think.

bebacklater | 0

#1796537 - Sunday 5 December 2010 10:18

agreed :)

zna_fml | 0

#1800579 - Monday 6 December 2010 4:03

dido!!

oliver86 | 8

#1801632 - Monday 6 December 2010 10:52

dildo maybe?

ItalianChaos | 14

#5799685 - Saturday 21 December 2013 3:55

This FML sounds like the beginning of a cliche yaoi.

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1793311 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:26

XD Lol!
A dream is a wish!
If you think you "had it good" with him them maybe you should reconsider your sexuality.

Bloxygen | 0

#1796951 - Sunday 5 December 2010 12:46

it is not necessarily a wish it could be a fear, because ur sub conscious deals with both.

RedPillSucks | 31

#1800585 - Monday 6 December 2010 4:04

If it was a fear, would he think he "got it good"?

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3410910 - Monday 10 October 2011 1:17

To get it good doesn't always mean it was good. In this FML he was probably stating he was fucked good and hard/proper/fast/deep/etc...? Take your pick