Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none...

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

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32917

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Intimacy

Yappy neighborhood

In my day…

Join in the fun

By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML

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13189

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

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28062

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By Starving Student - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

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10052

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 02:02

Empathy hurts

Today, my brother-in-law's wife said she won the jackpot by marrying into our family. What she doesn't know is that they make fun of her family behind her back, and her husband has no drive or focus in life. Now I get to watch her discover how crazy they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1086

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

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39881

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Alexa, play "Repetition" by The Fall

Today, I woke up and realized it's still 2020. It's like Groundhog Day. FML

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566

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By i.ask.you.how. - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

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49535

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By ugh - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

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23229

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By Kendall14159 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML

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19054

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

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36276

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By rejected4555 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

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30982

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By but cum to think of it...

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

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32168

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15652

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By bestgirlfriend - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

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24040

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By MrsRODixon - United Kingdom - Pencoed

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

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31716

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2808

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By CrystalsDontWork - United States - El Paso

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

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36519

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bromley

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26957

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By jackgrant - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

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33275

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By Jae_Hellyun - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

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54911

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4333

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By Unlucky - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

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51873

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By Joey - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

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21780

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By Spinster - United States - Brush

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

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26100

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By sarahijklmnop - United States - Louisville

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27003

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2001

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

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34750

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By Yudith - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

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5534

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By relievedbutashamed

Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML

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1816

You deserved it

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By StayPositive - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

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27373

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I found a leather book in my husband's sock drawer with "BRO CODE" on the front. It was blank except for the last page, which said, "NICE TRY SUSAN BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BRO CODE IS UNWRITTEN AND FOR GUYS ONLY". Well-played, husband. Well-played. FML

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2240

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 02:01

Delusional

Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML

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1329

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By kennedygeeee - United States

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

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61125

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 23:06

Dangling modifier

Today, I took my dog out for his walk, only to find out that I had an extra bra hanging vertically out of my pants. Thankfully, the only person who saw me was the maintenance guy, who looked very confused, so I just smiled at him. I had no idea why, I only realized when the wind blew it against my leg and I saw my shadow. FML

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1376

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By kdeeeceee - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

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28246

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By nolips - Norway

Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML

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36893

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

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By UnhappyLips

Today, the lip balms I ordered online finally arrived in the mail. After trying one out, my lips had an allergic reaction. It's a 4-pack. FML

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6774

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By Anonymous - Finland

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

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51720

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By I said whaat

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

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15123

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By foreveralonecatlady - United States

Today, I was bombarded with pictures of my little sister's Christmas present. It was a huge engagement ring. I got broken up with in public on Christmas eve. FML

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36049

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By "Mel Hahn"

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3626

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By WeddingWoes - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

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Top comments

By rldostie | 19

#1793286 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:22

Maybe you're not as straight as you think.

By JessieMongoose | 11

#1793279 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:20

LMAO.

COMMENTS

By JessieMongoose | 11

#1793279 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:20

LMAO.

nathan5 | 0

#1793282 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:21

i second that

starile | 19

#1793362 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:38

Who the hell WOULDN'T wanna get with the Terminator?

Oh wait. Straight guys.

iSitt | 0

#1793630 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:01

the governor had boobgate a few years ago.
maybe you could grow some moobs.

zkchild | 0

#1793687 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:16

Sounds like you would like to get marked for termination.

brianjman14 | 22

#1793816 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:57

Well, I had a dream last night where I got it good from Ganondorf. Is that weird, too?

slatter | 1

#1793898 - Saturday 4 December 2010 22:26

I'm sorry but arnie is like Demi-god, he's so manly that this is actually the straightest dream you can have

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1793918 - Saturday 4 December 2010 22:38

Doin it with a robot isn't gay, just weird

AgeOfAquariusss | 7

#1793986 - Saturday 4 December 2010 23:29

I had a dream about Hugh Jackman once... then again, I'm a straight female, which makes it an LML :D

luvyah | 0

#1794474 - Sunday 5 December 2010 2:31

Ummmmmmm no wonder no 1 else commented. T-T

sloppyflow | 1

#1795904 - Sunday 5 December 2010 7:13

the problem is. was the Arnold in his dream the good young ripped Arnold or the old saggy Arnold. :S

KennKenn | 0

#1795914 - Sunday 5 December 2010 7:23

"I am a sophisticated sex robot sent back in time to change the future for one lucky girl"

MRiKiCCS | 0

#1796432 - Sunday 5 December 2010 9:51

^ lol.. or a fag dreaming about guys... lol

FailVader | 0

#1800858 - Monday 6 December 2010 5:44

He'll be back.

ericownz101 | 0

#1801195 - Monday 6 December 2010 7:54

95- american pie 2 ftw (;

KennKenn | 0

#1802227 - Monday 6 December 2010 14:18

It's also in AP1, isn't it?

ledgehanger | 0

#1820164 - Thursday 9 December 2010 18:38

58 I have dreams were I give it good to Zelda

PopRocks14 | 0

#3030556 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 18:13

I love your description on your info :D

alfakennybody | 10

#5307872 - Friday 4 January 2013 4:13

Ur as straight as a bendy straw

By king4209 | 0

#1793284 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:22

he's from Germany!!!!lmao

swimmerstud | 7

#1793470 - Saturday 4 December 2010 20:13

you're wrong. he's from Austria

Zebidee | 8

#1793624 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:00

It didn't occur to you to even check that first?

im_wilder | 0

#1793812 - Saturday 4 December 2010 21:56

couldn't you atleast google it? or do you got an IQ of a crackhead? :P

AllStarHockey | 0

#1796558 - Sunday 5 December 2010 10:23

he's from Austria lol fail..

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6227554 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 11:29

Hey pal, you just blow in from stupid town?

By rldostie | 19

#1793286 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:22

Maybe you're not as straight as you think.

bebacklater | 0

#1796537 - Sunday 5 December 2010 10:18

agreed :)

zna_fml | 0

#1800579 - Monday 6 December 2010 4:03

dido!!

oliver86 | 8

#1801632 - Monday 6 December 2010 10:52

dildo maybe?

ItalianChaos | 14

#5799685 - Saturday 21 December 2013 3:55

This FML sounds like the beginning of a cliche yaoi.

By TerrorDollie | 0

#1793311 - Saturday 4 December 2010 19:26

XD Lol!
A dream is a wish!
If you think you "had it good" with him them maybe you should reconsider your sexuality.

Bloxygen | 0

#1796951 - Sunday 5 December 2010 12:46

it is not necessarily a wish it could be a fear, because ur sub conscious deals with both.

RedPillSucks | 31

#1800585 - Monday 6 December 2010 4:04

If it was a fear, would he think he "got it good"?

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3410910 - Monday 10 October 2011 1:17

To get it good doesn't always mean it was good. In this FML he was probably stating he was fucked good and hard/proper/fast/deep/etc...? Take your pick