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hey guys, OP here, and thank you all so much for the well-wishes. I forgot to log in before I posted the fml. I had a meniscus repair surgery, actually the second time I've had it done. I'm loving all your puns though. and to those saying to take the stockings off for a short time, my doctor wants me to keep them on until tomorrow, so I'll have had them on for a full two days. I'm not allowed to shower yet, seeing as my surgery was yesterday and he wants me to wait 48 hours.

By blind_loser - 12/07/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 743

You deserved it 3 319

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 10:29 - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 121

You deserved it 2 729

By tye61 - 16/01/2016 12:54 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 620

You deserved it 7 868

Coincidence

By lostmystuff - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 037

You deserved it 25 438

By uglyguy252 - 16/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 470

You deserved it 3 644

By LovelessNewlywed - 14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 180

You deserved it 2 096

No, not you

By ditched - 06/08/2014 03:35 - United States - Ashland

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 059

You deserved it 3 846

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 002

You deserved it 3 907

Perv!

By Thithien1 - 01/04/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 935

You deserved it 12 682

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl has a crush on me. Too bad it's my co-worker's five year old granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 231

You deserved it 4 331

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 09:29 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 117

You deserved it 1 864

By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/07/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 639

You deserved it 1 517

By ladams94 - 17/07/2016 18:39

Today, I have a Bachelors of Science at a top university and got denied by Chipotle for a part-time job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 055

You deserved it 1 261

ladams94 tells us more.

ladams94 12

Monday 18 July 2016 12:44

It wasn't a science degree... Just called a Bachelors of Science. I have food cooking experience as well as customer service experience but thanks for your input. Bye.

By mudafkrmas - 18/09/2009 04:14 - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 620

You deserved it 33 390

Dingdong

By SF49 - 16/01/2013 18:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 915

You deserved it 3 766

By Fridaythe12th - 15/03/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked, and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed, but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 4 873

By Crossy - 23/08/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 569

You deserved it 36 623

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 5 958

The naughty step

By firefromherlips - 28/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I found out the position I thought I had earned by working hard was only to separate me from my coworkers because I "talked too much". Instead of addressing the issue like adults, I've essentially been put in time-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 8 085

By Midnightpearls - 02/11/2012 15:39 - United States

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 766

You deserved it 38 295

Midnightpearls tells us more.

Midnightpearls 13

Friday 23 November 2012 4:53

TO ALL YOU PEOPLE ASKING WHY I WAITED: I'm at college and I still depend on my parents' income. I basically get one eye doctor visit a year because it's what we can afford. Alright, people?

By lunab123 - 31/12/2014 20:59 - United States - Potomac

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 622

You deserved it 12 908