Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly...

By JDBigDawg - 2/7/2012 07:23 - United States - Orange

Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

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JDBigDawg Say more :

THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

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Car Wars

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 15:06 - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

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By weddingblues - 30/5/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, while waiting on the platform, a blind man asked out loud for some help getting into the subway car. I helped him through the doors and into a seat. I decided to sit down as well. Twenty minutes later, I realized I was on the wrong subway line. FML

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By Joey - 24/7/2012 05:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

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By AnnoyedWoman - 17/8/2014 10:19 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

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By storyofmylife - 23/8/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

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By Peaches - 22/2/2017 12:00 - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

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By RandomTurtle109 - 19/3/2016 12:40 - United States - White River Junction

Today, I woke up late, got ready within 10 minutes and drove to work. I walked in and apologized to my boss. He said, "Go Home, it's your day off..." Walk of Shame. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

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By aqua88 - 5/11/2009 15:26 - Malaysia

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

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By Glassless - 26/5/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

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By Katt - 25/4/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

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By starbird - 23/2/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

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By julia - 11/6/2011 11:12 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

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By sabotaged - 2/11/2015 00:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

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By sammyxoxo - 18/12/2011 08:32 - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2010 23:16 - United States

Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By NotAGoodStart - 7/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Fashion Week

Today, I went on a blind date, meeting up in a park. I got there first and sat down to wait for him. After a while, a guy sat down next to me. I wasn't sure if it was him, so I texted him, asking if he'd arrived. His response was, "I'm already here, sat to the left of the old woman dressed like a gypsy." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

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By Crashburn - 16/1/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

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By 4lphab3t4 - 21/11/2016 15:22

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

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By me - 18/5/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

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By angrypetowner - 29/3/2016 03:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

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By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

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By speechless - 13/7/2013 14:32 - United States - Mitchell

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

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By Anonn - 23/2/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

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By Starving Ultimatum - 2/9/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

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By jaleesadavis21 - 18/10/2011 13:25 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

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By Username - 28/9/2010 16:16 - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

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By Toothless - 7/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

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By - 2/3/2017 10:00 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my first grade student apologized for cutting his bangs off in class, and explained that it was his mom's birthday and he had wanted to make her an origami flower. Out of his hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 23:02

Alexa, play "Noise Annoys" by Buzzcocks

Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML

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By milf - 6/8/2012 01:10 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

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By anon - 16/1/2016 23:15 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

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By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 12:10 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

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By ChocoMilkManG - 3/7/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

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Top comments

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4641587 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:58

old people mistake things easily

By DocBastard | 38

#4641803 - Monday 2 July 2012 17:31

Wow, this sounds rough. You tried going about it the fair way, and at least you had the balls to help him and didn't club him when he yelled at you. I think you wood agree that it's always best to hole your tongue, of course, when you get trapped in this kind of situation. Hopefully you ironed things out and can putt this whole thing behind you.

COMMENTS

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4641587 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:58

old people mistake things easily

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4641987 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:37

Old people should not be flying if they hit a bump they'll think WWII is going on again.

Feared | 9

#4642040 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:50

Not necessarily. More so if they have Alzheimer's.

tobedd | 13

#4642210 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:23

Mold people mistake springs?!? What?!? You're making no sense speak up

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#4642548 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:32

27- Aww. You tried, buddy.

By mpsteve137 | 15

#4641592 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:59

In case you're a lady: Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden

itssosparkly | 21

#4642116 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:06

In case you're like 2:

Sporting Challenges Require Equality Whatever
Your Order, Understood?

nevershoutkendal_fml | 10

#4642462 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:14

I hope you realize that there are female pro and amateur golfers. I happen to love golfing with my dad.

By myalleyway | 9

#4641593 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:59

Why did he have golf clubs at an airport anyway?

RedPillSucks | 31

#4641618 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:02

These new challenging golf courses require air transport between holes....

Or...
he was traveling to someplace where he could golf.

Xcherrypie | 16

#4641673 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:14

I didn't realise golf clubs at an airport could be such an outlandish idea.

tobedd | 13

#4642216 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:25

Obviously someone's never travelled before. Over-sized luggage, golf clubs and skis can be found on car-isle 31.

myalleyway | 9

#4642739 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:50

Sorry, I've just never heard of/seen anybody doing that.

By th4m4ster | 6

#4641608 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:00

That sucks, but it's nice of u to try to help people. I'm sure next time the person will appreciate your help

rhaemese | 9

#4642602 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:02

Maybe if OP doesn't sound sarcastic and condescending next time..?

mango260 | 9

#4643372 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:15

There's alot of mean rude people in this world, why do nice people get the rotten piece of the stick... I don't understand it... I'm just too nice of a human being to be rude or mean to a person especially if they done nothing but kindness from the heart!

By LilBobby | 0

#4641610 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:00

Never. EVER. Touch a man's golf clubs.

Feared | 9

#4642032 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:48

If I was a man, I'd let people touch my club all the time.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4642359 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:51

Sure, letting them touch you club is fine. But not clubs. Those things be expensive.

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4644733 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:47

Your sentence structure FTW. :)

klx125cross | 9

#4936269 - Saturday 15 September 2012 21:49

WTF?

By UnionsSuck | 5

#4641622 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:02

Grandpa don't like sarcastic people

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4642182 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:19

Problem is, OP wasn't being sarcastic.

By ManInTheMachine | 19

#4641627 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:03

In a situation like this, it's best to just apologize and go on your way. You probably won't see any of these people again anyway. At least you tried to do the right thing.

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4644552 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:00

Is it best? Or.. is it best to make a scene and miss your flight as your escorted out of the airport by security because you will not be "pushed around" or "told off" by an older man.