Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly...

By JDBigDawg - United States - Orange

Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

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JDBigDawg tells us more :

THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Dangling modifier

British Broadcasting Corporation

By masterzach21 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

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By hail science! - 21/4/2020 08:00

Heretic!

Today, my sister-in-law is refusing to let me or my children be a part of her kids' lives. She’s even going as far as trying to make my brother stop speaking to us as well. Why? Simply because I'm an atheist. FML

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By college kid - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

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By dumbbass - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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By didntknowyoucouldbreakit - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 17:09

I'm lovin' it

Today, as usual, I worked at McDonald's. Although I tried to diffuse the situation, an old man was absolutely furious, and punched me in the face over BBQ sauce. FML

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By SadMother - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

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By rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

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By ScaryBears - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

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By Hairless freak - United States - Fallbrook

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

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By craphanded - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

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By blind - South Africa

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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By BadatDIY - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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By Yubi - Belgium

Today, my mother told me: "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't stay with your father". So it's MY fault if she's having problems with him? FML

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By Anonymous

Lee Trevi-not

Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

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By ohshit - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 23:01

Eggs

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

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By FFS

Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML

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By Molly Lee - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Stay safe

Today, after going to the ophthalmologist, I got some really cute glasses. When I got home, my dad saw them and told me that when he was in high school, they called girls with those glasses BC. When I asked what BC stood for, he said, "Birth control." FML

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By Nighty-nitrogen - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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By really? - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By Iabnysmwytm - 29/7/2020 14:01

Yeah, that's the same

Today, we were talking about discrimination. I shared my story of being denied housing and a job offer because I'm trans. Some idiot tried to compare it to the time he was denied a car loan due to not having credit history. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Monroe

A+ for Effort

Today, being Valentine's Day, I went all out for my wife with flowers, a candlelit dinner, and tickets to a broadway show. The flowers arrived dead, the dinner sucked, and my wife hated the show. Afterwards, I tried to be intimate, but apparently I smelled like a shart trapped in a pant leg. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

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By Loser - Germany - Neuburg

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

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By winneuse - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

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By hcditfi5foygy

Today, I learned that my new neighbour's car alarm goes off every time a car drives by blasting loud bass. So far, it's gone off 6 times in the last hour. I can't wait until he's done moving in here, where he and his car will stay for the next year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

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By sonja_n - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

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Top comments

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4641587 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:58

old people mistake things easily

By DocBastard | 38

#4641803 - Monday 2 July 2012 17:31

Wow, this sounds rough. You tried going about it the fair way, and at least you had the balls to help him and didn't club him when he yelled at you. I think you wood agree that it's always best to hole your tongue, of course, when you get trapped in this kind of situation. Hopefully you ironed things out and can putt this whole thing behind you.

COMMENTS

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4641587 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:58

old people mistake things easily

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4641987 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:37

Old people should not be flying if they hit a bump they'll think WWII is going on again.

Feared | 9

#4642040 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:50

Not necessarily. More so if they have Alzheimer's.

tobedd | 13

#4642210 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:23

Mold people mistake springs?!? What?!? You're making no sense speak up

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#4642548 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:32

27- Aww. You tried, buddy.

By mpsteve137 | 15

#4641592 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:59

In case you're a lady: Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden

itssosparkly | 21

#4642116 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:06

In case you're like 2:

Sporting Challenges Require Equality Whatever
Your Order, Understood?

nevershoutkendal_fml | 10

#4642462 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:14

I hope you realize that there are female pro and amateur golfers. I happen to love golfing with my dad.

By myalleyway | 9

#4641593 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:59

Why did he have golf clubs at an airport anyway?

RedPillSucks | 31

#4641618 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:02

These new challenging golf courses require air transport between holes....

Or...
he was traveling to someplace where he could golf.

Xcherrypie | 16

#4641673 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:14

I didn't realise golf clubs at an airport could be such an outlandish idea.

tobedd | 13

#4642216 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:25

Obviously someone's never travelled before. Over-sized luggage, golf clubs and skis can be found on car-isle 31.

myalleyway | 9

#4642739 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:50

Sorry, I've just never heard of/seen anybody doing that.

By th4m4ster | 6

#4641608 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:00

That sucks, but it's nice of u to try to help people. I'm sure next time the person will appreciate your help

rhaemese | 9

#4642602 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:02

Maybe if OP doesn't sound sarcastic and condescending next time..?

mango260 | 9

#4643372 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:15

There's alot of mean rude people in this world, why do nice people get the rotten piece of the stick... I don't understand it... I'm just too nice of a human being to be rude or mean to a person especially if they done nothing but kindness from the heart!

By LilBobby | 0

#4641610 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:00

Never. EVER. Touch a man's golf clubs.

Feared | 9

#4642032 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:48

If I was a man, I'd let people touch my club all the time.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4642359 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:51

Sure, letting them touch you club is fine. But not clubs. Those things be expensive.

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4644733 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:47

Your sentence structure FTW. :)

klx125cross | 9

#4936269 - Saturday 15 September 2012 21:49

WTF?

By UnionsSuck | 5

#4641622 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:02

Grandpa don't like sarcastic people

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4642182 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:19

Problem is, OP wasn't being sarcastic.

By ManInTheMachine | 19

#4641627 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:03

In a situation like this, it's best to just apologize and go on your way. You probably won't see any of these people again anyway. At least you tried to do the right thing.

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4644552 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:00

Is it best? Or.. is it best to make a scene and miss your flight as your escorted out of the airport by security because you will not be "pushed around" or "told off" by an older man.