Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly...

By JDBigDawg - United States - Orange

Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

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JDBigDawg tells us more :

THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

Miscellaneous

Great guy

Risky business

Mind your own beeswax

By ssydneyy - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 11:05

You tried

Today, I’m a single parent and lately I’ve been working out to get healthier. During a session, I injured my back pretty badly. Now I need help getting out of bed, etc. I just wanted to make sure they wouldn’t ever need to take care of me. FML

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By yuna - 5/4/2021 22:59

Mouthwatering

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

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By ringrash - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

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By IceMage - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

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By Anonymous

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

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By Anonymous

With friends like her, who needs money?

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

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By tealsoda - United States

Today, a friend convinced me that I should throw a big party and invite everyone to come. After fixing a ton of party food, I sat around and waited for my guests to arrive. No one did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

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By JustABarista

Good Riddance

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

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By hail science!

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

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By Letteh

Today, my boyfriend transferred some money to me online. He put a joke reference of "Anal nice 'n cheap". We need to show a month-long bank statement to our mortgage broker tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By toast - United Kingdom

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

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By krisx3ftw - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

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By ScottishSteak

Scotland and its leccy bills

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

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By AwwChute - United States

Today, I got stuck in my apartment's garbage chute. FML

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By blaze - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

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By zAstonish - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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By anditburnsburnsburns - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 17:01 - New Zealand

Classic

Today, I pulled up to an intersection behind a car waiting to turn left and we missed a whole set of lights. As I was getting frustrated that they weren’t going when the light was green, I realised I was waiting behind a parked car. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got stood up by all five of my friends. I had to spend two hours getting hit on by a guy because I didn't feel safe to drive home. Their excuse? They didn't think I was serious when I said I was already at the bar. FML

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By Lou - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

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By XavierLing

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

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By octoberrain - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

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By socreepedouticanteven - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

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By jeanrose2013 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

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By sore - Australia

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

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Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

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By fuck you, jack - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

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By mjbx - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML

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By dislocated

How romantic!

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

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By LeftOut - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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Top comments

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4641587 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:58

old people mistake things easily

By DocBastard | 38

#4641803 - Monday 2 July 2012 17:31

Wow, this sounds rough. You tried going about it the fair way, and at least you had the balls to help him and didn't club him when he yelled at you. I think you wood agree that it's always best to hole your tongue, of course, when you get trapped in this kind of situation. Hopefully you ironed things out and can putt this whole thing behind you.

COMMENTS

By bitchpleasemike | 7

#4641587 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:58

old people mistake things easily

Oreohugzpenny | 4

#4641987 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:37

Old people should not be flying if they hit a bump they'll think WWII is going on again.

Feared | 9

#4642040 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:50

Not necessarily. More so if they have Alzheimer's.

tobedd | 13

#4642210 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:23

Mold people mistake springs?!? What?!? You're making no sense speak up

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#4642548 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:32

27- Aww. You tried, buddy.

By mpsteve137 | 15

#4641592 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:59

In case you're a lady: Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden

itssosparkly | 21

#4642116 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:06

In case you're like 2:

Sporting Challenges Require Equality Whatever
Your Order, Understood?

nevershoutkendal_fml | 10

#4642462 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:14

I hope you realize that there are female pro and amateur golfers. I happen to love golfing with my dad.

By myalleyway | 9

#4641593 - Monday 2 July 2012 15:59

Why did he have golf clubs at an airport anyway?

RedPillSucks | 31

#4641618 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:02

These new challenging golf courses require air transport between holes....

Or...
he was traveling to someplace where he could golf.

Xcherrypie | 16

#4641673 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:14

I didn't realise golf clubs at an airport could be such an outlandish idea.

tobedd | 13

#4642216 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:25

Obviously someone's never travelled before. Over-sized luggage, golf clubs and skis can be found on car-isle 31.

myalleyway | 9

#4642739 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:50

Sorry, I've just never heard of/seen anybody doing that.

By th4m4ster | 6

#4641608 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:00

That sucks, but it's nice of u to try to help people. I'm sure next time the person will appreciate your help

rhaemese | 9

#4642602 - Monday 2 July 2012 21:02

Maybe if OP doesn't sound sarcastic and condescending next time..?

mango260 | 9

#4643372 - Monday 2 July 2012 22:15

There's alot of mean rude people in this world, why do nice people get the rotten piece of the stick... I don't understand it... I'm just too nice of a human being to be rude or mean to a person especially if they done nothing but kindness from the heart!

By LilBobby | 0

#4641610 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:00

Never. EVER. Touch a man's golf clubs.

Feared | 9

#4642032 - Monday 2 July 2012 18:48

If I was a man, I'd let people touch my club all the time.

onlychildFTW | 33

#4642359 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:51

Sure, letting them touch you club is fine. But not clubs. Those things be expensive.

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4644733 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:47

Your sentence structure FTW. :)

klx125cross | 9

#4936269 - Saturday 15 September 2012 21:49

WTF?

By UnionsSuck | 5

#4641622 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:02

Grandpa don't like sarcastic people

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4642182 - Monday 2 July 2012 19:19

Problem is, OP wasn't being sarcastic.

By ManInTheMachine | 19

#4641627 - Monday 2 July 2012 16:03

In a situation like this, it's best to just apologize and go on your way. You probably won't see any of these people again anyway. At least you tried to do the right thing.

TriflingAllDay | 6

#4644552 - Tuesday 3 July 2012 5:00

Is it best? Or.. is it best to make a scene and miss your flight as your escorted out of the airport by security because you will not be "pushed around" or "told off" by an older man.