Intimacy: Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All... - FML

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 736

You deserved it 5 944

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Same thing different taste

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 9 431

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 9 516

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Spicy

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 226

You deserved it 3 492

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 6 207

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 866

You deserved it 19 644

By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 889

You deserved it 7 259

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Spicy

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 836

You deserved it 6 346

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 424

You deserved it 762

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 922

You deserved it 6 674

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 645

Next

Top comments

emilyyy_fml 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 12:30

that's definitely a good thing, dude

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:19

i believe that's a good review, not a bad one

Comments

emilyyy_fml 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 12:30

that's definitely a good thing, dude

teotsi 28

Thursday 24 July 2014 18:17

Maybe he thought that what was drool was her vaginal liquids?

Rubyduby 8

Thursday 28 August 2014 6:43

Definitely not an fml, way to go

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:19

i believe that's a good review, not a bad one

Haelous 0

Monday 9 February 2009 21:54

This is the anti-FML.

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:33

Agreed. Really, who would honestly think this is a bad thing?

blah_blah_shity 0

Friday 13 February 2009 4:14

HAHA you whiny terd.

SoFaded80 0

Saturday 8 August 2009 1:00

hahahahahahahahaha

mnkit 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 5:57

i only drool after a rockin ******!

McLaughlane 0

Friday 27 February 2009 10:06

yeah, lol, that was supposed to be a compliment.

samisalsa 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:12

Definitely a compliment!

alplhawolf0019 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 5:41

If by "**** My Life" you mean "**** YES, my life!" then okay. If by "**** my Life" you mean "My life sucks" go to another emocorner, scene kid, because if you're sad about this, you probably don't deserve this. :P lol

omgbeckyyy 0

Friday 6 March 2009 7:33

Yeah, I don't get where the bad part comes in, exactly?

Arj_fml 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 15:26

good job dude!!!! your life isnt ******!!

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long-distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 823

You deserved it 14 281

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 3 951

The Top

Today, we had an emergency lockdown in my gym class. As a result, we had to go into the boys' locker room, so naturally, it smelled like a fart in there. Some dumbass had a "brilliant" idea to spray a WHOLE FUCKING CAN OF AXE SPRAY in the locker room. I have asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 518

You deserved it 228

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an "inconsiderate, selfish bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 030

You deserved it 2 443

Today, I waited months for a specialist doctor’s appointment, only to find out that it's the same guy I already saw for the same problem years ago, who was at his wit's end after seeing nothing wrong on the x-ray, and had no clue as to what might be causing my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 157

Today, my parents and I were looking for something using the TV's search bar. Despite never, ever watching anything resembling porn, one of the default search options was, "Hot female Asian sex videos." Thank God they have an excellent sense of humor, as they laughed their heads off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 89

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 731

You deserved it 5 123

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 483

You deserved it 6 361