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Hey, OP here! I can't believe this got published! These comments are great, I've been laughing for the last 20 mins. So to clear things up a bit, no 8 hours on less than 3 hours of sleep is not that bad, to an adult, I am 16 and have an anxiety disorder. The pills I take make me extremely drowsy, and I also happened to have a three hour practice that same night. I went directly from work to practice so the 3 Red Bulls were necessary. I will not be doing that again in the near future seeing as I could feel my heart beating in my chest all afternoon. And before I go, I did love it?? thanks everyone for the comments!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 03:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

agreeclassic 34 966

vote type 1 3 087

By f*** - 06/03/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

agreeclassic 74 034

vote type 1 7 379

By me - 06/09/2009 21:33 - United States

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

agreeclassic 48 660

vote type 1 4 318

Sage advice

By jcc - 24/02/2009 08:31 - Russian Federation

Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML

agreeclassic 49 613

vote type 1 5 565

By sorrygranny - 21/01/2013 16:11 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

agreeclassic 9 102

vote type 1 41 425

Footie

By supras - 04/12/2013 02:03 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

agreeclassic 41 894

vote type 1 3 142

By Kay - 03/02/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

agreeclassic 31 837

vote type 1 3 173

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 00:16 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

agreeclassic 34 157

vote type 1 3 218

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

agreeclassic 42 318

vote type 1 4 951

By Earths_Venus - 25/12/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

agreeclassic 35 305

vote type 1 3 495

By ironik970 - 17/09/2011 06:56 - United States

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

agreeclassic 29 543

vote type 1 2 797

ironik970 app_comment_confession_title

ironik970 13

Saturday 17 September 2011 22:50

OP here, I can kill a raccoon if it "comes after me" but all of the animal grunting and weird sounds emitting from the walls just paint an image of frightening animal sex in my mind. By the way its the only room on the floor so it's not coming from the room next door.

Had fun?

By wtfguys - 13/10/2014 08:17 - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

agreeclassic 35 289

vote type 1 3 680

By mindjob - 29/09/2014 02:49

Today, I waited for over an hour in a park for a date who didn't show up. I finally left because someone came up to me and accused me of creeping on their kids. FML

agreeclassic 39 019

vote type 1 3 036

mindjob app_comment_confession_title

mindjob 14

Monday 29 September 2014 21:07

And run I did! Well, not really, but I got out of there as fast as possible. I was too embarrassed about being stood up and being accused of watching kids to have a sharp wit and a good response. An excuse was mumbled and I got out of there! And 54, I wouldn't normally wait longer than a half hour at most, but I suppose I was pretty hopeful for this date!