Miscellaneous: Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best... - FML

By Bethany - 07/08/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 193

You deserved it 4 367

This Charming Man

The smell detective is on the case

What a cult

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 013

You deserved it 4 318

By couldntholdit - 12/07/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 306

You deserved it 23 906

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 827

You deserved it 3 328

By gr8terevil - 02/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 917

You deserved it 16 878

By ._. - 05/06/2013 00:08 - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Spicy

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 619

You deserved it 8 827

By annoyed - 02/11/2012 10:37 - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 092

You deserved it 2 202

Effective

By zstarr - 14/07/2012 11:15 - United States - Rome

Spicy

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 556

You deserved it 32 269

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 921

You deserved it 9 291

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 628

You deserved it 6 005

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 18:13 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 980

You deserved it 4 464

By Raspution - 16/06/2019 04:42

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 22:52 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 030

You deserved it 2 235

By ohhdear.___. - 26/03/2012 14:54 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 383

You deserved it 5 453

Happy Holidays

By Alone - 27/12/2020 13:58 - Italy

Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 140

By wtfman101 - 28/08/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 2 699

Peace and quiet

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 14:01

Today, I swear to Christ, I prefer being at work these days, because when I’m at home if it’s not the kids screaming then it’s my wife moaning about nothing, or the dogs whining and barking, or the neighbour coming round to moan about all the noise. Sometimes wish I was bleeding deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 378

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 328

By Emcee - 05/06/2009 10:48 - Philippines

Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I'm hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 6 154

By Lichelle - 10/03/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 088

You deserved it 72 561

By pain - 26/02/2010 10:23 - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 356

You deserved it 3 265

By schooyou101 - 04/12/2012 00:53 - United States - Prairie Village

Spicy

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 3 929

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 05:44 - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 813

You deserved it 3 610

By LMN - 31/07/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 907

You deserved it 2 933

By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 239

You deserved it 3 231

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 329

You deserved it 4 309

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 01:41 - United States - Fairfax

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 639

You deserved it 2 628

Fright Night

By mzgabbster - 24/10/2010 12:21 - United States

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 3 354

Judgmental much?

By Steven - 03/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 595

You deserved it 8 305

By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 03:30

Today, I found out my fiancé can't wear his ring at his parents house cause his mom and dad don’t want him to marry me, and it has nothing to do with me. They don’t like my parents so I’m not good enough for their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 009

You deserved it 176

By scared - 02/10/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 322

You deserved it 3 413

By Matti - 17/08/2018 22:00

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 113

You deserved it 218

Sounds more like a "you" problem

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 08:01

Today, I was hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, which is the norm for me as I don’t get along with most women. Every time I spoke, I got ignored or spoken over, and they kept asking me what was wrong. Ugh, men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 976

By Heinz - 08/08/2012 04:19 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 095

You deserved it 2 815

Body Positivity

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 04:03

Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 198

By Yudansha - 14/02/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 14 839

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 3 774

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Spicy

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 681

You deserved it 8 534

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 4 624

By baby shak - 14/01/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 6 261

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Top comments

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:00

When you get braces, beaver chomp her nose.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:07

Good thing she held her tongue before you decided to get them fixed. You should commend her on her upcoming boob job. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought for sure you'd do something about those."

Comments

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:00

When you get braces, beaver chomp her nose.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:05

Then you can say, "Yeah, your face isn't much to look at, either. Bitch."

TheCanucklehead 22

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:17

But then they'll be calling op chompers

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Thursday 8 August 2013 0:38

Your best friend only said that because he/she knew there was a chance you might fix them. Tell he/she you're not and wait for their reaction.

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:01

Well that's supportive.

cottoncandymango 17

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:48

Your best friend is being an asshole about that. Guess they should brace themselves next time they have something so rude to say because I'd definitely not let them talk down to me like that.

persianninja 23

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Thursday 8 August 2013 0:45

It was sarcasm #25

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Thursday 8 August 2013 3:16

Sounds like something I'd say to my friends. Except they would know I'm joking and they'd insult me back. All in good fun. Judging by OPs reaction, it was not taken as a joke.

balletteacher 11

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Thursday 8 August 2013 6:50

I agree with #33. That was pure sarcasm.

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:01

What a friend!

PterodactylMan 23

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Thursday 8 August 2013 3:06

Aren't all friends like that

rocker_chick105 31

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Thursday 8 August 2013 3:59

45- that's what my friends are like anyways. Then again my friends are a bunch of cats so of course they hate me.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 8:18

You can't expect too much from others. They always disappoint.

DerrickJames 33

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:01

That's when you don't punch her/him in the face to look like a hockey player ;)

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:02

Atleast she's honest.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 7:28

Sometimes, honesty can hurt though

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Thursday 8 August 2013 15:55

I would rather hear brutal honesty than sweet lies, that's just me though!

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Thursday 8 August 2013 21:12

Being honest does not mean being rude.

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:06

Maybe drop that best friend category to friend or someone I know

mn_shr 22

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Thursday 8 August 2013 2:23

Seriously OP, acquaintances have common courtesy. I'm sure a best friend would do a little better.

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Thursday 8 August 2013 2:41

But aren't Best Friends notorious for being assholes to each other? I see this as one friend just teasing the other.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:07

Good thing she held her tongue before you decided to get them fixed. You should commend her on her upcoming boob job. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought for sure you'd do something about those."

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:07

You should have told her that her face is awful to look at and when's she gonna get that fixed.

Trooth 13

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:08

Maybe you can knock her teeth out to teach her a lesson:) Jk, violence is never the answer Unless you want it to be

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:51

I disagree; violence is always the question. And the answer's always yes, sometimes.

IntoTheClouds 42

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:09

I'm 99.9999999999999999999999999999999% sure she was joking.

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 23:22

I'm that .000000001% sure she was just being a Ms. Bitch McTits.

Olympiakos10 15

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Thursday 8 August 2013 0:01

11 - I'm 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% sure you don't know what a joke is.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 33

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 146