Intimacy: Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 20:22 - United States

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 658

You deserved it 40 014

Intimacy

Good kid

Empathy lives

Freak out

By Anonymous - 17/07/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 47 148

Mystery

By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 206

By Thatslife - 26/03/2011 19:29 - Netherlands

Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 157

You deserved it 7 789

By Rob - 18/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 294

You deserved it 16 904

By Gas-pingForAir - 19/09/2016 08:59 - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 712

You deserved it 1 647

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 856

Splashed out

By bit_fluff - 20/10/2020 02:01

Today, I decided to redye my hair. And the sink, and the wall, and the toilet seat, and the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 801

By thenotsomanlyman - 07/03/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 664

You deserved it 41 581

By Anonymous - 09/12/2015 02:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 162

You deserved it 4 121

By JAdams - 13/08/2012 00:49 - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 533

You deserved it 2 933

By Cogibbt - 03/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 116

Nice try

By hkbaer - 27/09/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 106

By DevastatedWoman - 11/08/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 461

You deserved it 2 013

By ouch. - 25/09/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I'd like some. My dad's a plastic surgeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 3 380

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 14:52 - United States

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 585

You deserved it 2 443

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 20:33 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 867

You deserved it 4 545

By Az - 13/06/2012 00:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 858

You deserved it 2 370

By BoCoMoGal - 13/05/2017 04:00

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried 'forgot password', but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 740

You deserved it 2 405

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 099

You deserved it 1 006

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 25/12/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 079

You deserved it 2 605

It's not

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 16:02

Today, it's my birthday, none of my friends wished me a thing. I spent the whole day crying and then decided to call few of them and sobbingly demanded an explanation. Most of them didn't pick up, the rest called me a drama queen, saying that my birthday isn't as important as I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 1 331

By I did them anyway - 20/07/2015 22:01 - New Zealand

Today, my flatmate asked me to wash the large pile of dishes on the bench, and if I would start on cleaning the house which was a total mess. This would have been fine if I hadn't just walked in after being away for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 2 163

Cough it up

By kaitlyn is here - 27/04/2021 05:01

Today, my parents took me out to eat. When the bill came, they stared at me for a while before asking, “Aren’t you gonna pay?” They've never made me pay before, there was no indication that I’d have to pay this time, and I’d left my wallet at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 229

By NotSpiderman - 31/10/2012 17:09 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 613

You deserved it 4 596

By Anonymous - 03/10/2016 14:09 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, while working the Sunday rush at the deli, I held up a piece of ham to a blind customer and asked him if it was thick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 150

You deserved it 3 554

All in the Family

By weedvocate - 25/03/2020 14:02

Today, my mother brought home dinner for 4 people. I was not one of those people. The dog, however, was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 128

By broke - 22/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 319

#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

By a816090 - 15/05/2019 04:30

Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 156

By Heethersays - 03/07/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 325

You deserved it 7 627

By .... - 30/11/2014 04:29 - United States - Geneva

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 478

You deserved it 3 388

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 542

You deserved it 4 115

Sounds like a scam

By Onlymeiswear - 15/03/2021 05:01

Today, I bought a car. Made a down payment and everything. Have the papers saying it’s mine, only to find out a few hours later it was sold right before I bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 56

Survivalists celebrate Halloween too

By IHaveThePower - 01/11/2021 08:00

Today, in Nevada during Halloween night, I discovered my neighbors have something that sounds an awful lot like an explosive. I can't see anything on fire, but WHY do my neighbors have EXPLOSIVES? FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 147

By geeb - 23/02/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 569

You deserved it 36 416

By bcoper - 20/02/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 324

You deserved it 3 251

By wowjuststop - 03/10/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 914

You deserved it 2 576

Stuck

By Tabeling101 - 12/12/2016 01:51

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 563

You deserved it 1 426

By Kendall14159 - 17/04/2016 20:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 097

You deserved it 2 617

Need help

By misty - 16/04/2021 05:00

Today, I have been crying uncontrollably for a week straight. Why? Someone posted a mean comment about me on the internet a week ago. No matter how much I try to think about something else, I can’t. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 472

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Top comments

PuffDaddy395 3

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Some manscaping is in place…

khaya 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Just like a lawn mower.

kimmi41509 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:19

First! And OUCH.

MonsterSlayer13 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

...that's great. :l u win nothing.

kimmi41509 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

I win the recognition of being first.

aceman1992 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

What did the orthodontist have to say about that?

Iamnotyourmom 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:22

Well you should've shaved if you know she has braces.

BarDownDaily 12

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:23

At least you got head!

lover1973 0

Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:20

Wow -.-

EatnBeef 7

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:23

At least you weren't circumcised by them.

The_Weirdo 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:23

Did she cough up a pubic fur ball?

olpally 32

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:24

More like ouch! Damn, that sucks big time op! Fyl

angrymexican 8

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:43

Did you curl up into a fetal position after?

Shy_Anne 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:53

Yuck, F both your lives!!!

xSonic 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:27

^^ boobs....

zombiegold 23

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:29

Did it hurt?

theaws0m3guy 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:50

At least you got a bj

RrLSf19 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:54

17 true

br0ck 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:59

haha 110 ur picture made ur comment hilarious

_Oblivion_ 12

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 2:08

At least she's not a cheese grater

mdmenchaca 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Sounds like everything was going good up until then.

aceman1992 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:24

What did the orthodontist have to say about that?

EmperorXing 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:09

If she still has braces, she's too young for you bro.

bitter3ulogy 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:17

^dumb comment.

ImInYourFACEbook 8

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:19

But, he cried the whole time! (Doesn't matter, had sex!) -Lonely Island

soccerguy2 11

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:32

If she still wears braces, she's too young for you bro. or you're both too young to be doing this sorta stuff.

SmallyBigs 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:43

Because only kids wear braces. Adults NEVER wear braces.

MichellinMan 20

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:44

I honestly could not think of a more brutal way of pubic shaving.

DuckOnQuack93 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Hey, at least you were getting some action!

Pr0metheus 7

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:00

You know I don't think the twelve seconds of head compensates for getting all your pubes ripped out at once

steff900 6

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:32

who needs a razor?

silver848 6

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 2:33

Why would let you girlfriend give you a bj when she has braces. There are like 20 of these in the in here.

duhhkotuhh107 0

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Omg gross but very funny!

Poser1337 5

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:37

Funny? Yea? Why don't YOU try it sometime.

witchdoctor1 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 2:40

Dude. Your comment + your pic. Win

MichellinMan 20

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:50

dammit women, its not funny. I'm going to rip your pubes out with metal brackets. huh? No? that's what I thought.

PuffDaddy395 3

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Some manscaping is in place…

KiddNYC1O 20

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:29

This comment goes well with that sweater. You look like Freddy Kreuger.

marzipanimal 15

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:14

Pubic hair on a guy is such a turn off for me anyway. Shaaaveee it!.

ManlyDunsparce 3

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:23

Nice Krueger sweater. Also. If his girlfriend is black, he has himself a black-n-decker pecker wrecker.

marzipanimal 15

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:25

Okay I guess i simply prefer 'trimmed' a little bit isn't a prob.(:

slushybox 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:52

I made the mistake of trying to picture this. Not all that pretty

khaya 9

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

Just like a lawn mower.

goodoldave 17

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:59

Would've been funny if she added a mowing or electric shaving sound lol.

FranzFerdinand 18

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:09

A GAAAAAAAAYYYYY lawn mower.

FranzFerdinand 18

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:15

Aw hell, posted by accident… anyways, I apologize, the word "GAAAAYYY" is just the first thing that comes to mind whenever I see Señor Cheng. So yeah, that was… random.

desireev 17

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:26

So long, GAY BOYS! :) I love him!

wegohardd 8

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

... Ow...

moop256 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:42

It's only "ow" if blood was involved

moop256 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:53

Je pensais que tu étais belle ... telle rage ...

moop256 10

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:56

P.s I've worked with patients who have been stabbed in the eye.... There is a lot of blood.

LightningCactus 12

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:26

Well, it could have been more embarrassing, oh wait nevermind sorry.

BarDownDaily 12

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:21

I cringed at the thought of this. FYL. I'm really sorry. But hey, at least you got head right?

tparis12345 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 2:46

Ewww braces

2ndSucks 15

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:10

Oh yeah, straight teeth are just disgusting.

tparis12345 4

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:22

No just girls with metal teeth

CowOven 7

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:53

^ You're dumb.

akallaan 7

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:22

Pffftttt... Amateurs!

captaincook_fml 1

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:38

Good ol lawn mowers

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 4

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 719

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 816

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