Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy...

By Kay

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31651

You deserved it

3109

Favorite

Health

On yer bike

Whatthefuckaburger

Long story short

By Sam - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32936

You deserved it

9576

Favorite

By Jess49 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28229

You deserved it

4790

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20661

You deserved it

2459

Favorite

By just a reaction - 17/8/2020 23:09

This ain't working out

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2593

You deserved it

272

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33339

You deserved it

5323

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27663

You deserved it

2043

Favorite

By violatedinden - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45429

You deserved it

2388

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11900

You deserved it

21833

Favorite

By awkward - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71943

You deserved it

7225

Favorite

By haunted - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51486

You deserved it

4804

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11967

You deserved it

52048

Favorite

By L_M_AND_R_L - United States

Today, I asked my mom not to bring her dog to my wedding, since he's a real pain in the ass. She told me not to worry about it because she didn't feel like going anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14884

You deserved it

1164

Favorite

By Dumbass Dude

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

627

You deserved it

1960

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20664

You deserved it

35620

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13389

You deserved it

85040

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25880

You deserved it

4259

Favorite

By chew toy - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4086

You deserved it

765

Favorite

By scared to leave the house - Canada - Williams Lake

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29004

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By hating my life - United States

Today, I managed to accidentally drop an entire cake on my laptop's keyboard. There's so much frosting stuck under the keys, I have no idea how I'm going to clean it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21638

You deserved it

7389

Favorite

By TrappedInSchool - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3588

You deserved it

461

Favorite

By MJF

One step forward, two steps back.

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4272

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21910

You deserved it

1479

Favorite

By hairball - United States

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73656

You deserved it

28546

Favorite

By TCRII

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3380

You deserved it

369

Favorite

By FlyingFist - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26015

You deserved it

3428

Favorite

By unknown - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35102

You deserved it

4786

Favorite

By ick - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9601

You deserved it

59963

Favorite

By w-dog - Canada

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60462

You deserved it

19768

Favorite

By haters

Today, while in a meeting for work, my boss expressed how much he likes everyone at our site. But before continuing, he looked at me and said, “Everyone but you, that is.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1682

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By PntsLessWonder - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10161

You deserved it

39907

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23741

You deserved it

1890

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55744

You deserved it

9134

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/3/2020 09:03

That escalated badly

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2217

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2104

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

381

You deserved it

1969

Favorite

By failure - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24545

You deserved it

101777

Favorite

By blueglover - United States - Perris

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23849

You deserved it

3674

Favorite

By lonelyandbored - United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40195

You deserved it

11145

Favorite

By sad trick Or treat - Denmark

Today, I went to the ER to get my eye checked. Turns out I had a scratch in it. So, after sedation, I now need to wear an eyepatch. Too bad Halloween was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11002

You deserved it

828

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37105

You deserved it

2814

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alwa7sh | 2

#2041091 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:28

Ok ladies we have to put an end to this, we know you use the bathroom for things other than showering. We have known it our whole lives. So if your boyfriend, husband, ex-hasband, father in-law's second brother or any male walked in on you it is ok just finish what you started. So please no more FMLs about getting caught using the bathroom.

By x_Cupcakes | 0

#2041035 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:17

I hope you finished up quickly.

COMMENTS

By x_Cupcakes | 0

#2041035 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:17

I hope you finished up quickly.

By marinus_fml | 19

#2041037 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:17

cue the shitty puns...

alwa7sh | 2

#2041070 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:23

OP, That is a shitty situation ! Its ok life is full of crappy moments like these.
#2 I hope this doesn't make you feel like shit.

ripjohnlennon | 5

#2041500 - Thursday 3 February 2011 15:33

hah! I get it^

smokeymcpottt | 3

#2041510 - Thursday 3 February 2011 15:44

^ No shit!

By Rawr1918 | 4

#2041051 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

2# Hahaha :)

By Hummbinger | 5

#2041061 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:21

Fake, girls don't shit.

newjerseyguy | 0

#2041567 - Thursday 3 February 2011 16:19

agreed

thejacl | 0

#2041683 - Thursday 3 February 2011 17:51

or fart...

qcumberlovar | 2

#2041729 - Thursday 3 February 2011 18:37

haha ignorance is bliss. :)

By CreateZ | 0

#2041063 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:21

Reverse blumpkin?

TalkSick | 2

#2042595 - Friday 4 February 2011 2:28

HAHAHA exactly. :D

By alwa7sh | 2

#2041091 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:28

tr0llz0r | 0

#2041112 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:35

Nobody wants to hear that shit. We get it; you poop. Congratulations.

VertigoSD | 0

#2041526 - Thursday 3 February 2011 16:02

What a shitty statement @7.

xrawritsashleyx | 11

#2041954 - Thursday 3 February 2011 21:13

its pretty much only an FML cuz as much as everybody poops... its embarrasing to most girls. my ex always pooped when i was around. at my house and his. and he announced it. i never pooped at his house and when i had to i never announced it. its just slightly embarrassing for us girls. we dont know why. especially if its a new relationship.

bananamonkee | 0

#2042325 - Friday 4 February 2011 0:27

hahah for reals shit, drop the kids off and tidy up cause as long as you ain't doing anything un natural get your ass out the toilet and open the door

DigitalKnight | 0

#2047331 - Saturday 5 February 2011 8:01

Absolutely. So you pooped and may be he came to know or he heard. So what?

By tr0llz0r | 0

#2041095 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:32

Recommended reading: "Everybody Poops." While it may not be the screaming shits like you have, it still occurs. My advice? Shit as loud as you can. The toilet provides excellent harmonics for your butt trumpet. Make us proud.

By Bekll | 30

#2041099 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:32

Why is this under medical?

tr0llz0r | 0

#2041120 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:37

Bodily functions are quite medical in nature. Heh. Nature. See what I did there?

By xStiina | 0

#2041167 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:57

It was sh!tty situation you just got into...

anma_fml | 0

#2041923 - Thursday 3 February 2011 20:49

no. it's not.

By MaiDeath | 0

#2041172 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:59

You shouldve text him