Miscellaneous: Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When... - FML

26/02/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 894

You deserved it 4 555

Dysfunctional

Mama's boy

CIA-level batshittery

13/02/2015 20:31 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 156

You deserved it 2 392

05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 891

You deserved it 45 006

08/02/2011 21:39

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 131

You deserved it 2 728

15/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 309

You deserved it 17 247

12/02/2011 03:10 - United States

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 299

You deserved it 5 481

28/05/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 065

You deserved it 11 229

04/01/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 433

You deserved it 6 369

06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 834

You deserved it 2 174

29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 626

You deserved it 865

27/11/2016 22:07 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 640

You deserved it 746

02/05/2013 12:50 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 410

You deserved it 6 767

Some people just never learn

By WhatJustHappened - 09/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, as a millennial, I had to explain to a baby boomer why he needs to use condoms when having sex with his 25-year-old girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 170

26/06/2018 14:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes co-workers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 875

You deserved it 618

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 278

07/04/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 251

You deserved it 608

03/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 485

You deserved it 8 262

29/11/2015 01:20 - United States - New Bedford

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 044

You deserved it 30 078

Childlike

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 20:01

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 454

03/02/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 659

You deserved it 7 763

19/05/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 263

You deserved it 5 661

26/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 673

You deserved it 4 167

Sensual moment

By Ekh0es - 11/04/2021 15:30 - United States - Garfield

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub when she started to breathe heavily. I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck. She then turned around and said, "Tell my roommate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 1 764

03/04/2013 05:20 - United States - Ramona

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 271

You deserved it 3 906

27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 727

You deserved it 3 131

04/09/2011 04:16 - United States

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 554

You deserved it 7 993

05/03/2010 03:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 3 712

27/03/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's work to surprise him by speaking in Spanish, his first language. I've been taking classes secretly. He smiled, kissed me, and then finished telling his friend, in Spanish, that I'm boring and ugly but he's got nothing better going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 050

You deserved it 6 400

Zapped

By joey - 09/03/2020 05:00

Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 119

12/10/2014 16:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 721

You deserved it 4 359

09/03/2013 12:04 - United States - Vienna

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 606

You deserved it 2 744

01/11/2018 22:15

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 232

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:01

Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 148

The Based Family

By Amaaaaaaaaaanda - 17/02/2021 00:30

Today, my temporarily unemployed husband had a brain wave. I'm five months pregnant and we have a 4-year-old. He thinks we should start a family vlog on YouTube, so we can get rich. I hate those awful family vlogs with a passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 93

02/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 727

You deserved it 693

12/05/2011 23:34 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 162

You deserved it 8 509

03/11/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 970

You deserved it 29 106

19/01/2012 14:17 - Canada

Today, there was a big snow storm and I wanted to help shovel, so I put on 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 winter coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf. Once outside, I was told to go back inside because the job was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 32 933

25/01/2017 04:00

Today, my roommates gathered together to tell me that they all took turns spitting in my drinks in the fridge, all because I told on them for smoking pot in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 3 281

05/04/2012 04:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 068

You deserved it 3 460

21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 944

You deserved it 9 928

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:52

Did you find your dignity while you were down there?

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:14

slipped on a pencil? are you serious?

Comments

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:13

lol FAILLLL

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:21

i would have thrown tomatoes at you, that what i hear the cool kids are doing these days

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:15

it's highly unlikely you'd fall on your face..unless you were walking backwards... so ydi because you're a liar.

Quasar55_fml 18

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:32

it's more like FAAALLLLLLL

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:37

It's even more of a fail that it's stauraday. :p

KingDingALing 9

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:38

How do you know that the OP is a liar? Were you there? Did the OP tell you herself? It's "highly unlikely". Even if it were "highly unlikely" as you claim, then there would still be a small chance that it happened. Not everyone slips backwards, sometimes people slip forward depending on their footing. Maybe you should try it some time so that you can bash your skull in on the ground. Then we'll have one less retard in this world. Hmm...I think I'm getting better at this. What do you think, Kay? Doc? Doortje? Anybody? :(

KingDingALing 9

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:41

WOO! :D

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Sunday 27 February 2011 7:56

Only because they said "today" doesn't mean It happened today.

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Friday 1 July 2011 15:20

heelys ftw :3

CalebEatsZombies 2

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Wednesday 14 December 2011 2:13

Trollolol

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:14

came through in the end :)

brainsoverbeauty 21

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:18

I am sorry OP, you must have been so humiliated. Just keep your head up and maybe try to get to know some people in your class. They may not all be so bad.

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Saturday 26 February 2011 19:06

It's no big deal. with our society today, they will forget about it soon because they will find something stupid to pick on another person

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Saturday 26 February 2011 19:09

P.S, i kind of 50% think this is B.S. i mean cmon when was the last time you heard about someone slipping on a pencil. and i know that people are not the nicest these days but cmon!! of course they would clap unless you powerpoint was TOTAL shit!!

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:14

slipped on a pencil? are you serious?

explodingmuffint 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:31

stepping on a pencil isn't so bad, but if you drag your feet and hit a pencil.. shit gets intense

eftup 9

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:16

Good thing you saved the best part for last!

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:26

Hahahaa ^^ LOL a pencil?

shortrevolution 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 2:33

ahaha that's hilarious!

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:25

You wanted applause, didn't you?

sheenamaedc09 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:26

hey, at least you got applause ;p

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Saturday 26 February 2011 14:13

I thought about clapping just reading the last line.

sunnysurfchick 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:44

sounds like your presentation sucked but they liked how you fell, I guess they liked it when you hurt yourself so maybe your a real jerk and they just never told you to your face.

nisaa 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:47

what the hell. -.- lol.

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:52

Did you find your dignity while you were down there?

ConfusionsLoveMe 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 22:10

I totally agree .

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:59

Sounds like they really wanted to see a magic trick.... But, seriously, why would you expect people to clap at what I presume is a presentation directed at informing/educating rather than entertaining or impressing?

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Saturday 26 February 2011 17:12

Agreed. Did people clap for anyone else's presentations? Never in school or at work have I ever seen anyone clap at a presentation.

joa76 3

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Saturday 26 February 2011 19:06

Really? People clapped after pretty much every presentation in every school I've gone to, though more so in college than high school.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 122

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136