Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had... - FML

By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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Call CPS!

The best cat

Who's a good boy?

By awkward.. - 22/2/2015 05:15 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my boyfriend complimented me on how he liked my freckles down below. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were just razor rash. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2017 05:00

Today, I decided to drive to the airport and park in extended stay. As the plane was going down the runway, I tried to spot my car. I found it very quickly as the car alarm was going off and all its lights were flashing. FML

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By HotelNA614 - 1/6/2018 14:30 - United States - Mason

Today, while working at a hotel, I had a guest return his room key in my hands for once instead of throwing it on the counter. Progress, right? Except that it was covered in snot. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2014 21:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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By ineed sleep!!! - 22/10/2019 20:00

Let me sleep!

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML

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By herve - 22/5/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

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By Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina - 1/6/2013 04:31 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

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By Hayley - 24/2/2018 19:00

Bad Luck Brian

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2014 03:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

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By thedoc - 15/7/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

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By chlolivia - 14/2/2012 00:28 - Canada

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML

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By wtf3456 - 31/8/2011 09:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

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By cheated - 23/11/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

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By anon - 25/3/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

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By Dalistair - 23/5/2013 23:25 - United States - High Point

Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML

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By peepeepainter - 7/1/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2012 19:30 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

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By FuckThis - 31/8/2015 13:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

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By MisterT - 19/5/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

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By JessicaandGhazi - 26/5/2020 20:00

Expanding universe

Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me, "What's the point in doing that when you're getting so fat, those wont even fit in 2 weeks?" FML

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By WTF is all I ask - 27/7/2012 23:55 - United States - Mcallen

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

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By - 20/1/2020 20:00

I'm in a hurry

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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By BlueMacaw - 25/7/2016 14:38 - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

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By UTRejected - 21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

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By mareecasellafml - 27/3/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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By bfall74 - 31/5/2011 22:35 - Canada

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

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By n_london - 12/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

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By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

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By Dopeboyfresh71 - 19/12/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

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By CatLady - 9/6/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

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By Bathroom Problems - 2/1/2010 19:24 - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

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By Reeen - 3/6/2016 22:29 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

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By stillwaiting - 9/3/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2014 17:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

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By Eli - 20/9/2011 00:21 - Canada

Today, I had a violent allergic reaction to some bread I ate at a restaurant. How did they apologize? By sending me a free basket of bread. FML

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By DocDog - 24/3/2017 02:00

Today, my grandmother threatened to write me out of her will because I refused to believe that dogs can perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre. FML

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By wifelyduties - 17/4/2020 14:00

Do ya think I'm sexy?

Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML

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By stinky car - 16/8/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

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Top comments

By jrmertz00 | 20

#6481875 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:36

How is mcd's paying you less than minimum?
When I worked there, it was low pay, but they made sure to follow all minimum wage laws.

Sucks when you have days like that.

By i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6481842 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:20

What was the grossest!? Wait, I dont want to know.

Comments

By drunkmunkey | 24

#6481840 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:19

the food can have that effect on people.... It's a shitty situation but keep your head up OP, you'll find something better

Reply

OceanGod | 7

#6482152 - Friday 11 December 2015 2:01

The thing is, I don't think the food has anything to do with it. I worked at McD's for a few months, worst I ever saw was some guy that shit on the toilet. On the toilet. I think the problem is the clientele themselves.

Reply

JKPwnage | 25

#6484634 - Monday 14 December 2015 6:23

Also probably heatstroke, because Australia

Reply

jbuckets_404 | 38

#6487160 - Thursday 17 December 2015 15:44

This is the 55th instance of the word "minimum." LOL!

By i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6481842 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:20

What was the grossest!? Wait, I dont want to know.

Reply

Railroader | 16

#6481923 - Thursday 10 December 2015 20:29

Be careful what you wish for.

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6481944 - Thursday 10 December 2015 21:00

I do! I wanna know!

Reply

deltax | 8

#6481960 - Thursday 10 December 2015 21:23

Probably the food ;)

Reply

jbuckets_404 | 38

#6487156 - Thursday 17 December 2015 15:37

A quote from the movie Blazing Saddles: I do! I do!

By pphead | 5

#6481849 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:21

Oh come on now you HAVE to tell us what the grossest was

By christian1509 | 21

#6481851 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:22

I'm curious as to what the grossest thing you've seen is

By dideldoodles | 17

#6481852 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:22

Wow that STINKS...literally

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6482167 - Friday 11 December 2015 2:29

Let me show you out, sir.

Reply

OSMC | 10

#6482687 - Friday 11 December 2015 20:59

I'll get the shotgun to chase him down the alley and off the cliff

Reply

aruden | 25

#6482987 - Saturday 12 December 2015 7:20

uhh #108 no... just no

By Adam_Power58 | 16

#6481855 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:24

Unlucky Op, it can only get better! Hopefully a new job better pay.Atleast you've some good stories to tell in a few years

By tfriend3 | 15

#6481857 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:25

If that isn't a clear sign it's time to move on and find something else then I don't know what is. Good luck finding another job OP, pretty sure what you've been through is not worth your time at that pay rate.

By sugarsweetroses | 10

#6481859 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:25

People do the nastiest things. I will never understand

Reply

katsuragi2008 | 4

#6481969 - Thursday 10 December 2015 21:38

In my personal opinion I think it's just idiots being idiots. They think that because "the customer's always right" they can do whatever they want without any consequences.

By RogueThirteen | 20

#6481861 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:26

agree with #6, think it's time for a job change

By vegantreegirl | 26

#6481867 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:30

That really sucks! I'm sorry. Keep your head up!