Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had... - FML

By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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Out of it

Last dates

Incognito browsing

By Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen - 27/10/2016 03:19 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

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By perfect - 4/2/2013 20:47 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

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By Queso Dog - 2/10/2012 14:42 - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By Tyler - 3/9/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

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By foreverAlone - 4/4/2016 19:40 - United States - Chesapeake Beach

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

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By shenmas - 8/7/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 17:14 - Sweden - Floda

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

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By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 8/7/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

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By StillBetterThanTwilight - 28/8/2012 15:56 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

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By anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

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By Kelli - 28/8/2010 04:56 - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 05:21 - Canada

Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

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By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

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By Michelle - 3/8/2011 06:01 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

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By cincity - 20/7/2018 15:00

Today, my fiancé forgot his wallet. He realized this once we were 5 hours away from home, before checking into a hotel, that had reservations under his name. FML

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By K3you - 4/7/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

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By XxtentaculonxX - 8/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

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By Habit - 19/10/2011 22:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

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By OrangeTree12 - 4/4/2009 06:05 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

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By InDisbelief - 12/4/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

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By ElaborateScheme - 14/8/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 12:25 - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

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By GatorBoi - 4/7/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

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By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - 10/2/2015 18:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

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By Kilania - 10/9/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

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By smidge - 2/6/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

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By Disgruntled - 16/3/2016 12:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

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By aj513 - 29/11/2015 01:20 - United States - New Bedford

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

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By Orangehead - 28/11/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

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By Birdwatcher - 18/9/2012 16:19 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 05:00

Stained

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2014 17:26 - United States - Louisville

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

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By dirtythief - 18/7/2013 16:01 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

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By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

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By Ouch - 21/10/2009 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

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By Imdeadlmaokillme - 22/3/2016 20:47 - United Kingdom - Twickenham

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 06:49 - United States

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML

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Top comments

By jrmertz00 | 20

#6481875 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:36

How is mcd's paying you less than minimum?
When I worked there, it was low pay, but they made sure to follow all minimum wage laws.

Sucks when you have days like that.

By i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6481842 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:20

What was the grossest!? Wait, I dont want to know.

COMMENTS

By drunkmunkey | 24

#6481840 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:19

the food can have that effect on people.... It's a shitty situation but keep your head up OP, you'll find something better

Reply

OceanGod | 7

#6482152 - Friday 11 December 2015 2:01

The thing is, I don't think the food has anything to do with it. I worked at McD's for a few months, worst I ever saw was some guy that shit on the toilet. On the toilet. I think the problem is the clientele themselves.

Reply

JKPwnage | 25

#6484634 - Monday 14 December 2015 6:23

Also probably heatstroke, because Australia

Reply

jbuckets_404 | 38

#6487160 - Thursday 17 December 2015 15:44

This is the 55th instance of the word "minimum." LOL!

By i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6481842 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:20

What was the grossest!? Wait, I dont want to know.

Reply

Railroader | 16

#6481923 - Thursday 10 December 2015 20:29

Be careful what you wish for.

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6481944 - Thursday 10 December 2015 21:00

I do! I wanna know!

Reply

deltax | 8

#6481960 - Thursday 10 December 2015 21:23

Probably the food ;)

Reply

jbuckets_404 | 38

#6487156 - Thursday 17 December 2015 15:37

A quote from the movie Blazing Saddles: I do! I do!

By pphead | 5

#6481849 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:21

Oh come on now you HAVE to tell us what the grossest was

By christian1509 | 21

#6481851 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:22

I'm curious as to what the grossest thing you've seen is

By dideldoodles | 17

#6481852 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:22

Wow that STINKS...literally

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6482167 - Friday 11 December 2015 2:29

Let me show you out, sir.

Reply

OSMC | 10

#6482687 - Friday 11 December 2015 20:59

I'll get the shotgun to chase him down the alley and off the cliff

Reply

aruden | 25

#6482987 - Saturday 12 December 2015 7:20

uhh #108 no... just no

By Adam_Power58 | 16

#6481855 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:24

Unlucky Op, it can only get better! Hopefully a new job better pay.Atleast you've some good stories to tell in a few years

By tfriend3 | 15

#6481857 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:25

If that isn't a clear sign it's time to move on and find something else then I don't know what is. Good luck finding another job OP, pretty sure what you've been through is not worth your time at that pay rate.

By sugarsweetroses | 10

#6481859 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:25

People do the nastiest things. I will never understand

Reply

katsuragi2008 | 4

#6481969 - Thursday 10 December 2015 21:38

In my personal opinion I think it's just idiots being idiots. They think that because "the customer's always right" they can do whatever they want without any consequences.

By RogueThirteen | 20

#6481861 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:26

agree with #6, think it's time for a job change

By vegantreegirl | 26

#6481867 - Thursday 10 December 2015 19:30

That really sucks! I'm sorry. Keep your head up!