Miscellaneous: Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather... - FML

By ToxicSuicide - 08/03/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 822

You deserved it 2 937

The smell detective is on the case

Leave us alone

Don't engage with these people

By sad associate - 19/12/2016 01:51 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I swung my arm with a product in my hand, and the product flew out of the packaging and hit an old lady on her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 807

You deserved it 1 378

By Pissed - 21/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 494

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thinks that I am my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a 'prostitute' each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 028

You deserved it 5 407

By boo - 16/02/2010 20:46 - United States

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 208

You deserved it 36 128

By madfather - 23/02/2009 01:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 078

You deserved it 72 445

Twister

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 01:30

Spicy

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 315

You deserved it 3 275

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 16:01

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 228

Not like that

By anonymous - 26/05/2013 12:23 - Australia

Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 987

You deserved it 8 819

By Username - 26/07/2010 02:32 - France

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 192

You deserved it 4 873

By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 098

You deserved it 5 450

By BDayssuck - 02/09/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 560

You deserved it 3 111

By Sad_homeowners - 20/10/2016 15:45 - United States - Pierre

Today, I'm still not living in the house I fought so hard to buy three months ago. As I was fixing a hole in the wall, I found black mold covering the back side of my drywall. On every wall. I can't afford to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 224

You deserved it 1 415

By Alexandra - 05/03/2013 20:17 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 620

You deserved it 4 122

Spelling is hard

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, I finished a 50-page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 146

You deserved it 39 742

By Fingkids - 25/09/2012 01:51 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 274

You deserved it 33 788

By anonymous - 25/11/2014 03:25 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 551

You deserved it 3 748

Relatable

By ariana - 08/03/2021 21:30

Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 183

The single life

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 84

By Alicia - 13/05/2010 22:49 - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 11 329

By adogg18 - 29/05/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 211

You deserved it 15 378

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 927

You deserved it 99 151

By CandlesSuck - 02/11/2009 03:44 - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 786

You deserved it 29 278

By Anonymous - 12/04/2012 18:31 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 953

You deserved it 39 808

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 04:49 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 775

You deserved it 3 936

By ugly duckling - 06/08/2015 19:18 - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 980

You deserved it 3 133

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 5 613

Denied

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Austin

Today, an Air Force recruiter called me. I've been wanting to join the Air Force for 5 years now. After chatting on the phone with him for 10 minutes, I mentioned to him that I had asthma. He quickly told me I can't join any of the military branches, and to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 434

By Username - 25/01/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 145

You deserved it 34 938

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 935

You deserved it 6 089

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 80

Perfect timing!

By Savanerzz - 18/03/2018 01:30

Today my fiancé broke up with me. Two hours later, the store I bought my dress from called to say it’s ready to be picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 883

You deserved it 284

My life is average

By Kohsukeff - 07/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, as a single, 24-year old college graduate working temp jobs outside his field, the only thing I look forward to in my day is what I get to eat for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 110

By anonymous - 14/08/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 4 779

By Actrent - 25/12/2016 07:00

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 161

You deserved it 688

By Anonymous - 05/04/2015 12:27 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 390

You deserved it 3 223

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 386

You deserved it 45 482

Wuss

By scaredy cat - 09/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 141

By emancipate me - 15/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 147

You deserved it 1 466

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name

By Emily - 17/09/2019 08:00

Today, I found out that my parents think my boyfriend is the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 203

By :^( - 07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 126

You deserved it 3 187

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:22

#1&5: I interpreted it as it was the mother's babysitter for her child(ren).

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:10

LOL GO GRANPA

Comments

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:10

Ew. How's old are you, OP, that you have a babysitter?

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:17

she could be 13

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:20

she could also be 20 which could make the grandfather between 50 and 70 years

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:22

#1&5: I interpreted it as it was the mother's babysitter for her child(ren).

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:03

my brother is 13 he doesn't need a babysitter...

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:03

my brother is 13 he doesn't need a babysitter...

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:17

Some parents worry a lot and think teenagers need babysitters.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:43

lol. teenagers probably do need them more than a 6 year old. for different reasons of course. now johny, put down the doobie and stop trying to touch that lady's tatas.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:56

dirty old men... gotta love em. OPs grandpa is my hero

ImKindaABigDeal 6

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 15:14

if the babysitter was babysitting OP then he/she probably wouldn't need to call OP clearly it's OPs babysitter for OPs children

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 18:33

hook it up!

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 3:50

she's probably talking about the babysitter she hired to watch her kids.

sarahshanghai 9

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Monday 19 November 2012 8:35

She could also mean the person who babysits her children.

fantasyworld 37

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Thursday 4 December 2014 15:06

Her babysitter for her kids. I've heard teachers refer to their students as their kids.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:10

LOL GO GRANPA

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:11

tell her to get a new grandfather

Jay1D 0

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:43

can you read?

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:12

FHL

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:20

He's flippin' switches for the bitches. Hook them up, OP. And give me your number. ;) Lol jks, my international call rates would go through the roof.

you_and_me_fml 8

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:30

someone is into the younger women..

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 15:30

Everyone is into younger women.

cha5e 0

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 16:21

Not necessarily. What if OP is 25, her baby is...a baby, her grandfather is 80, and the babysitter is 81?

iCake 13

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Thursday 16 August 2012 11:16

Or maybe op is an adult there has a babysitter for his/her child

shaunasykes97 0

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:32

Why would your grandfather be stalking your babysitter? And if you need a babysitter, why are you on FML? Oh, the unanswered questions.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:43

It was her children's babysitter, maybe.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:03

well, majority of men like younger woman (before I get flamed this is from a study which asked what do you prefer) so that could explain grand pa wanting the baby sitter, and I took it as the op having a child and so they employed a baby sitter.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:56

cause like, once you have kids you are like, totally not allowed on FML anymore!

MrLaryRottweila 1

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:37

let him get his groove on

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:53

LOL i know aye

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:06

idk how much groove he can get on, lemons tend not to be to....flexible.

wildsweetchild 19

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:41

Probably op meant her babysitter, as a babysitter for her child..regarding the grandpa..why everybody thinks he's into younger girls? maybe he's simply overprotective of his grandchild and wants to make sure that she's a legitimate person..

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 13:07

while that is possible I feel it is highly unlikely

john7h567hgrd 0

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 14:31

This is what I originally thought...

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Sunday 1 April 2012 5:53

You mean you don't look out for the safety of your family and friends by attempting to fuck random people in their life?

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 12:54

leave the poor man alone ... hes probably lonely LOLL

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 4:56

hebert the pervert is very lonely !

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 9

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 1 015

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 1 161