The Top

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By where do they come from - 01/07/2014 04:26 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 681

You deserved it 4 562

Careful

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 513

You deserved it 18 386

By fridgemylifee - 13/08/2015 17:39 - United States

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 524

You deserved it 2 994

The knack

By BrillianceSucks - 05/04/2013 00:10 - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 278

You deserved it 12 487

By Dan - 08/10/2009 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 064

You deserved it 5 431

By S. Tucker - 07/06/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 864

You deserved it 3 621

Classism

By TrailerTrash - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise "moving in" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 905

You deserved it 4 785

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 21:52 - United States - Lake Dallas

Spicy

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 570

You deserved it 53 322

By tickdog - 19/03/2012 03:09 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 896

You deserved it 5 485

By FMyThroat - 18/01/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 709

You deserved it 2 830

Zit remedy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 7 356

By Username - 28/02/2011 05:44

Spicy

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 470

You deserved it 5 187

Rash decision

By caiti - 06/08/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 388

You deserved it 4 465

By xxruby - 24/02/2015 21:07 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 500

You deserved it 3 569

By torkx3 - 21/07/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 772

You deserved it 40 248

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 992

You deserved it 10 354

"She's a very kinky girl…"

By MB101 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to sing at karaoke. I sang a romantic love ballad to him. He dedicated Rick James's "Super Freak" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 728

You deserved it 5 519

By adamwilcockson - 18/09/2014 04:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 2 977

I'm tired

By DramaticSigh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 841

You deserved it 36 242

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 11:43 - United States - Quakertown

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 013

You deserved it 4 934

By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 279

You deserved it 2 964

By jess - 30/04/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 175

You deserved it 10 132

Self-care

By Mee - 05/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 703

You deserved it 39 434

By bzygirl - 26/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 040

You deserved it 7 835

Toot toot

By gassy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 256

You deserved it 36 109

Skittish

By maced face - 05/02/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said, "Excuse me…" The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 270

You deserved it 3 546

By ouch - 16/06/2016 10:14 - United States - Livonia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 412

You deserved it 2 024

By LucyLollipop - 16/05/2016 19:16 - United States - Davis

Today, my obnoxious roommate who always blasts crappy music day in and day out as loud as he can has reached an all time low. He has now started blasting Christmas music. It's May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 061

You deserved it 1 783

LucyLollipop tells us more.

LucyLollipop 22

Tuesday 17 May 2016 6:26

Hey guys! OP here, thought I'd add to the fun. So, I live in a dorm-like building. I rent a room and share the kitchen, bathroom, living area, etc. It sucks, but it's affordable and it's what I've got till my car is reliable enough to move farther from my work. This place is off campus though, so the people who live here are more druggies, welfare recipients, and some really weird people, with a couple normal ones in the mix. Also, the walls are paper thin. The neighbor/roommate in question is a 46 year old, toothless guy with no job except for prospecting in the local rivers and streams occasionally. He always keeps his door open, yawns and burps louder than anyone needs to, and plays a lot of music. Including but not limited to "My Heart Will Go On," and the Chippettes' rendition of "Let It Go." Those songs. Every day. Multiple times a day. So I guess I can be grateful he was blasting "All I Want for Christmas is You" instead of the usual, but still. He also likes to watch hentai with the door wide open and the volume up. I honestly don't mind Christmas music when it's Christmas! Except I've been working retail so it's grinding on my nerves more now. Oh well. Thanks for all the sympathy! I loved reading all the comments, they've made my lunch break a little more interesting.

Help

By ForeverEmbarrassed - 13/08/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 703

You deserved it 4 381

By Tom - 15/01/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 164

You deserved it 2 707

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The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 76

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 002

You deserved it 4 506

Random

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 607

You deserved it 6 921

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 349

You deserved it 3 503

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 489

You deserved it 7 934

Today, I went to Disney World. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 877

You deserved it 43 525

Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 731

Today, I overheard my son tell his dad that he’s in love. Without pause, my husband told him it’s temporary, it won’t last, relationships are pointless, women only cause grief, and money in the bank keeps a man warm at night better than any woman with cold feet. I’m trying not to feel insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 274