Miscellaneous: Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping... - FML

By disney - 26/11/2009 16:30 - United States

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 841

You deserved it 43 390

Dysfunctional

Some dream…

Narcissism in a nutshell

By nootnoot - 10/05/2016 06:33 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 647

You deserved it 1 459

By nerdsgetmehot - 07/04/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 737

You deserved it 5 842

By lonesome - 28/04/2013 05:23 - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 506

You deserved it 3 414

By herdopera - 29/10/2018 17:30

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 937

You deserved it 219

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 1 010

By Sod's Law in action - 17/03/2018 01:30

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 912

You deserved it 1 106

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 678

You deserved it 3 306

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I after getting off the bus, I realized that the man I was talking to was distracting me so his "buddy" could steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 613

You deserved it 3 757

By ... - 20/01/2019 02:00

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 727

Black out

By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 181

The Graduate

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 20:00

Today, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. The excitement didn't last too long because I broke my elbow by tripping over a stick at my graduation dinner. Definitely not intoxicated, just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 148

By yosenfal - 28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 284

You deserved it 4 031

What a wanker

By no action Jackson - 27/09/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 150

Thanks, dude

By jamiedevin - 06/11/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 604

You deserved it 4 812

By LoveMyNewBro - 04/01/2011 10:56

Spicy

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 003

You deserved it 5 894

By CK95 - 01/01/2015 23:02 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 786

You deserved it 7 997

By DeeDee - 04/02/2014 22:08 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 666

You deserved it 5 419

By SoundConfuser - 13/10/2010 11:58 - Australia

Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest bird alive that continually disrupts my sleep to the point where I just want to smash the damn thing's head in with a rock, I realised it's been my pedestal fan the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 442

You deserved it 32 129

By greatdriver...4 - 31/08/2011 11:07 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 844

You deserved it 26 667

By littlelottie - 17/01/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 527

You deserved it 3 582

By KBL3 - 11/08/2010 09:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 14 940

By Confuseddad - 16/02/2016 22:17 - United Kingdom

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 1 612

Childlike

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 20:01

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 456

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 442

You deserved it 8 778

By herpderp - 11/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 316

You deserved it 3 591

Honesty

By bridezilla - 31/12/2014 07:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 437

You deserved it 35 303

By Anonymous - 11/04/2015 20:55 - Australia - Caroline Springs

Spicy

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 203

You deserved it 3 254

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 02:58 - Philippines - Roxas

Today, after studying for an exam, I decided to take a short nap. Just then, our neighbors, who were a couple, argued like crazy about some dumb thing the guy did. I didn't get to rest at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 102

By faitesdesgosses - 19/05/2014 14:27 - France - Mantes-la-ville

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 070

You deserved it 7 095

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 410

You deserved it 22 756

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Spicy

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 973

You deserved it 4 581

By Donnie - 18/07/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 191

By BoBandy - 15/08/2018 14:30

Today, I finally went to the hospital for a week-long migraine. A few Saturdays ago I went to the park to play frisbee with my friends and coworkers. While climbing a fence, I fell and hit my head twice. Turns out I have a severe concussion and a swollen brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 630

You deserved it 873

By not crazy enough - 17/11/2014 18:48 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 842

You deserved it 3 516

By froyo - 26/02/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 513

You deserved it 4 372

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 891

You deserved it 2 969

Alcoholics of the world, get help

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 200

By tvaladie - 17/04/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 083

You deserved it 349 701

By My_Name_Is_Zach - 23/07/2012 03:48

Today, my neighbor called me on vacation to tell me that she let my mother into my house to feed my fish. I don't have fish, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 536

You deserved it 2 536

By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 3 363

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X0XyentroucX0X 0

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:07

i seen her...i dont blame u she is pretty hot

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:13

Talking about Ariel, how do mermaids reproduce ?

Comments

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:06

awwww lol

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Monday 26 April 2010 19:39

this isn't really a fml..lots of adults like Disneyland and get excited. it shows there is a child in everybody :) x

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Saturday 19 March 2011 3:26

I love you

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Thursday 6 February 2014 1:28

The FML isn't that he is an adult who still likes Disney, the real FML is that he fell and hit his head, causing him to lose precious time that could be spent watching Ariel!! Oh God, the horror! D':

X0XyentroucX0X 0

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:07

i seen her...i dont blame u she is pretty hot

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:28

+1 I'd do the same, we're all young, horny boys on the inside.

greenltrn2003 0

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Friday 27 November 2009 6:14

I was coming to say the same thing

acai_blueberry 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 10:03

lol, and shes a natural red head. red pubes man, hard to come by

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 5:28

@#61 Is she old enough for that? I thought he was saying "F my life: I discovered I'm a loli while at disneyland!"

acai_blueberry 0

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Wednesday 16 December 2009 7:33

he was, but doesnt mean he cant find another way to appreciate this. plus im pretty sure she is atleast 18, i mean cmon she got freaking married in a penis castle and stuff. well atleast there was a tower with a penis on it

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Tuesday 25 May 2010 7:42

red pubes!?! I never thought of that when I thought of red heads! that would be awesome! but what if she had leg hair or armpit hair? *shivers* {'_'}

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Thursday 5 September 2013 17:44

Guess we didn't go during the same time, cause' when I went she didn't look all that great.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:08

This is my husband in 10 years. Greaaaaaaaaat.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 27 November 2009 4:39

Yeah and alot of them sound really scripted and fake now

hpp15 4

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:10

Haha, nice. I don't blame you. You were in kid mode or wanted a "better" view mode. Hope you had fun!

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:11

Wow. That's just, that's just stupid.

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:13

Talking about Ariel, how do mermaids reproduce ?

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:28

I'm guessing the OP doesn't really think about that...

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 5:30

She lays the eggs. Wanders off and the OP fights the other males in the area for the right to fertilize them.

alphatoomega 21

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Sunday 6 January 2013 16:06

Does that really matter? She has a mouth and hands, right?

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:15

You, my friend(not really), fail. Majorly. ._.

Residence_fml 4

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:24

Couldn't you just look over the kids? or are you a midget? but it's ok because you need to let your inner child come to you once in a while (: so fyl

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Thursday 26 November 2009 20:26

pervert...

youandme4ever_fml 0

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Wednesday 24 March 2010 23:53

lol that's true:)

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 32

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 594