Health: Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 247

06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 10 295

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Halloween came early

Mondegreens

07/09/2011 01:14

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 613

You deserved it 2 817

23/08/2013 14:29

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 547

You deserved it 12 182

16/01/2011 05:11

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 940

You deserved it 8 439

27/06/2016 16:33

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 870

You deserved it 1 368

02/05/2012 15:19

Today, I tried whitening my teeth with an off-brand product. It didn't whiten my teeth, but it did burn parts of my gums off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 203

You deserved it 7 657

29/05/2013 19:11

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 368

You deserved it 5 701

19/01/2015 23:58

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 008

You deserved it 5 507

Memory man

By Anonymous - 20/02/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the dirty, when she told me to say her full name, including her middle name. I'd forgot her middle name. It was completely awkward after. I'm a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 671

You deserved it 3 246

09/09/2016 04:10

Today, I got a call from my panicking grandmother. I asked her what was going on, and she explained that, “Godzilla doesn’t work.” Not really understanding, I asked her to clarify. “Yes, you know, Godzilla, to use the internet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 697

You deserved it 1 142

Squirt

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:48

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 350

You deserved it 2 966

05/12/2010 12:48

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 492

You deserved it 3 914

05/03/2010 03:51

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 153

You deserved it 3 712

The single life

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 22:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 83

10/01/2009 14:41

Today, I got my stuff together before leaving to take the bus: cigarettes, newspaper, mobile phone and the trash. I took me at least 5 minutes in the bus to realize that I was travelling with the trash on my knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 988

You deserved it 7 097

Thwack

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 14:24

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 2 785

10/05/2009 01:04

Spicy

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 201

You deserved it 86 982

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

By Kas - 25/11/2020 11:02

Today, my cat decided the perfect place to throw up was on herself. Cleaning a smelly old cat with a showerhead is trouble enough, but when she tried to escape, it resulted in the bathroom being turned into one big puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 119

27/03/2015 03:28

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 10 125

05/12/2011 05:41

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 739

You deserved it 49 664

12/04/2017 22:00

Today, I met a wonderful man and agreed to go on a date. Halfway through the date, he started telling about how much he hates his wife. And his four kids. I texted him after I walked out, saying not to call me again. He agreed. His wife didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 350

You deserved it 329

18/08/2016 10:56

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 138

You deserved it 2 535

I don't want to do this anymore…

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was in charge of my team at work but I asked for a demotion, because I was so stressed that I started having nightmares. I feel like everyone freaked out after quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 106

16/08/2011 06:22

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 543

You deserved it 3 257

07/12/2009 18:20

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 049

You deserved it 4 986

28/09/2012 06:09

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 3 983

13/12/2009 10:12

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 691

You deserved it 2 763

05/06/2009 23:43

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 749

You deserved it 4 665

05/04/2015 12:27

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 380

You deserved it 3 223

23/07/2014 23:24

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 123

You deserved it 20 416

Hide and seek

By sihehe - 28/04/2020 05:00

Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 183

07/11/2009 05:36

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 2 452

13/01/2017 22:00

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 785

You deserved it 775

08/05/2017 02:00

Today, my ex popped up as someone I might know as instagram, complete with his workout photos. My fiance is mad at me for showing these to my family, even though the consensus is that my ex looks like a condom stuffed with marbles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 490

You deserved it 1 290

27/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 245

16/09/2010 04:12

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 222

You deserved it 4 498

09/07/2009 01:34

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 841

You deserved it 111 228

22/03/2018 19:00

Today, I told my wife to not drive our car as it has a steering problem and is starting to shake. I got home from work to see it had a flat tire, and asked her if she went anywhere. She'd thought I was exaggerating and went out for coffee. I've been a mechanic for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 879

You deserved it 283

13/04/2012 00:37

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 092

You deserved it 6 808

08/02/2009 03:39

Today, I was kicked out of my track team's locker room because the coach said there weren't enough lockers for everyone on the team. There are 74 lockers and only 52 girls on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 848

You deserved it 2 149

07/05/2012 20:40

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 033

You deserved it 30 190

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

that's what I do during pedicures...

dumbestdrummer 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:10

there's gotta be a meh button. it's not your fault your tickleish and it sucks you got slahed in your foot

Comments

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

LOL nice one.

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Friday 7 January 2011 5:24

Geeezus!!! sounds really painful

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Friday 17 June 2011 21:15

Nice comment!

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Wednesday 19 February 2014 1:18

Eeeeee! When I read this FML I flinched!

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

Haha. he deserved it.

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Friday 7 January 2011 9:56

it could be a she too

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Friday 7 January 2011 18:50

True.

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Friday 7 January 2011 18:53

If only the fml didn't say it was a he.

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Tuesday 18 March 2014 22:43

Really? For doing his/her job? They deserved getting kicked in the face?

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

that's what I do during pedicures...

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:16

You kick doctors in the face?

KristinaKreme 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:40

Since when do doctors give pedicures?^ 0.o

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Thursday 6 January 2011 13:11

Lest we rule out the possibility of a doctor being in the vicinity of a customer being pedicured.

KristinaKreme 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 13:25

Haha Touche >;)

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Thursday 6 January 2011 15:55

There's actually doctors who specialize in pedicures. For those who can easily get infections in their feet (diabetes patients for example). :)

KristinaKreme 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 22:51

Learn setting new everyday :]

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Thursday 6 January 2011 23:38

I think they call them pediatrists don't they?

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:07

Ouch, FYL :(

dumbestdrummer 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:10

there's gotta be a meh button. it's not your fault your tickleish and it sucks you got slahed in your foot

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Thursday 6 January 2011 13:39

Well then hit the FYL button. Neither of those would have to do with the YDI button.

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Thursday 6 January 2011 13:41

Neither of these would have to do with the FML button either.

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Thursday 6 January 2011 15:18

what part of "foot got slashed open" did you miss?

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Thursday 6 January 2011 16:40

FMl Is about what happened that Sux. ydi doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but it was your fault. if she kicked him and the blade, it is her fault, but it still sucks

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Friday 7 January 2011 3:07

she got tickled it was a reflex not her fault

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:12

ouch lol

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:12

FALCON KICK!!!

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:14

Fuck this comment not doing what I intended.

surferchick96 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:17

Reflex!!!

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Thursday 6 January 2011 12:43

at least u were at the hospital