Health: Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the...

By Anonymous

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

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Health

Proactive

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Such a rewarding career

By Anonymous - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

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By Anonymousss95 - Sweden

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 05:00

Happy Birthday!

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

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By alison89430 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

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By Anonymous

That's kinda handy!

Today, my boyfriend and I found out that we were cheating on each other with the same person. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Because I'm worth it

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

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By Cornbreesha - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

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By nomorecleanballs4u - United States - Tacoma

Today, my husband received a package in the mail containing a bottle of billiard ball cleaner for our pool table. Yes, billiard ball cleaner. I can't get that slovenly wretch to clean a toilet to save his life, but now he's determined to have the shiniest balls on the block. FML

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By Stephanie - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

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By hearing too much

The sound of silence

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

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By thebiteof87 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

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By thecatlady - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

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By Professional_Ars

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

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By yayibs - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

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By overly nationalistic redneck - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

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By xxxdwangelaxxx - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

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By kawood - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

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By - France

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

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By holyshitsnacks - Canada - Woodstock

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

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By Bethany - United States - Cable

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

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By INeedaNewJob - United States - Kent

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

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By screwed - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

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By sammatthews2007 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

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By Ballshurt - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

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By disheshateme - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

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By that1guy - United States

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

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By Miss_Blaine - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

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By stuck - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

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By NYeeerrr

Today, after having my Apple Watch for a year, it asked me something it has never asked me before. As I began my hike around a lake, 10 minutes in, it asked if I was starting to workout. I hit yes, and it then congratulated me on my very first workout. FML

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By harshdoobie - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

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By crippy - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

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By fazzems - Canada

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

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Top comments

By dani22097 | 0

#1933581 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

that's what I do during pedicures...

By dumbestdrummer | 0

#1933626 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:10

there's gotta be a meh button. it's not your fault your tickleish and it sucks you got slahed in your foot

COMMENTS

By karinabeby | 0

#1933572 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

LOL nice one.

PuppiesFTW | 5

#1936660 - Friday 7 January 2011 5:24

Geeezus!!! sounds really painful

asoptavlo14 | 6

#2703891 - Friday 17 June 2011 21:15

Nice comment!

koolkanga | 12

#5862142 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 1:18

Eeeeee! When I read this FML I flinched!

By EmoOrange | 0

#1933579 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

Haha. he deserved it.

spade1997 | 0

#1937521 - Friday 7 January 2011 9:56

it could be a she too

EmoOrange | 0

#1939519 - Friday 7 January 2011 18:50

True.

EmoOrange | 0

#1939524 - Friday 7 January 2011 18:53

If only the fml didn't say it was a he.

alicespoons | 17

#5889090 - Tuesday 18 March 2014 22:43

Really? For doing his/her job? They deserved getting kicked in the face?

By dani22097 | 0

#1933581 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

that's what I do during pedicures...

FYLDeep | 25

#1933662 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:16

You kick doctors in the face?

KristinaKreme | 0

#1933775 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:40

Since when do doctors give pedicures?^ 0.o

FYLDeep | 25

#1933925 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:11

Lest we rule out the possibility of a doctor being in the vicinity of a customer being pedicured.

KristinaKreme | 0

#1933982 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:25

Haha Touche >;)

PhoenixFiend | 0

#1934431 - Thursday 6 January 2011 15:55

There's actually doctors who specialize in pedicures. For those who can easily get infections in their feet (diabetes patients for example). :)

KristinaKreme | 0

#1935340 - Thursday 6 January 2011 22:51

Learn setting new everyday :]

TheDrifter | 23

#1935431 - Thursday 6 January 2011 23:38

I think they call them pediatrists don't they?

By CutiePie_101 | 7

#1933606 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:07

Ouch, FYL :(

By dumbestdrummer | 0

#1933626 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:10

there's gotta be a meh button. it's not your fault your tickleish and it sucks you got slahed in your foot

firecapez | 4

#1934021 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:39

Well then hit the FYL button. Neither of those would have to do with the YDI button.

ulicksam | 0

#1934029 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:41

Neither of these would have to do with the FML button either.

mitchem | 3

#1934302 - Thursday 6 January 2011 15:18

what part of "foot got slashed open" did you miss?

Po1ntBlank | 0

#1934600 - Thursday 6 January 2011 16:40

FMl Is about what happened that Sux. ydi doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but it was your fault. if she kicked him and the blade, it is her fault, but it still sucks