Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the...

By Anonymous

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

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Health

Dicks aplenty!

Parental guilt

Keep your distance

By jazzyfizzle - United States

Acting 101

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

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By Becky - United Kingdom

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML

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By wtf did he do - United States - Anchorage

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

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By balancestrikesagain - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

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By Amy - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

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By AgentRarity

Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML

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By oaksac191 - United States

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

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By solitaire - United States - Enumclaw

Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

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By sadgirl

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

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By Never Going Back To The Doctor - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

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By moodyreallyrocks - United States - Mayfield

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

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By failphone - United States

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

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By bandit99999 - United States

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

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By wellfuck - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

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By biomajor - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

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By monkers - Canada - Westlock

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

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By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

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By thatsjustgreat - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

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By Anonymous

Complicated relationship

Today my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Why? She wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore. She seemed pretty sure though, seeing she was on Tinder less than 2 hours after, thanks to the 3 different friends that all called me about it. FML

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By Mojo - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 14:02

Can't see for shit

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

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By Foreveralone - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

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By jayc80 - Bermuda

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

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By bbb

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

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By human torch - United States

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

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By habbsrule - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

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By Unclicked - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

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By Bluetooth Connection

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

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Top comments

By dani22097 | 0

#1933581 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

that's what I do during pedicures...

By dumbestdrummer | 0

#1933626 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:10

there's gotta be a meh button. it's not your fault your tickleish and it sucks you got slahed in your foot

COMMENTS

By karinabeby | 0

#1933572 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

LOL nice one.

PuppiesFTW | 5

#1936660 - Friday 7 January 2011 5:24

Geeezus!!! sounds really painful

asoptavlo14 | 6

#2703891 - Friday 17 June 2011 21:15

Nice comment!

koolkanga | 12

#5862142 - Wednesday 19 February 2014 1:18

Eeeeee! When I read this FML I flinched!

By EmoOrange | 0

#1933579 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

Haha. he deserved it.

spade1997 | 0

#1937521 - Friday 7 January 2011 9:56

it could be a she too

EmoOrange | 0

#1939519 - Friday 7 January 2011 18:50

True.

EmoOrange | 0

#1939524 - Friday 7 January 2011 18:53

If only the fml didn't say it was a he.

alicespoons | 17

#5889090 - Tuesday 18 March 2014 22:43

Really? For doing his/her job? They deserved getting kicked in the face?

By dani22097 | 0

#1933581 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:03

that's what I do during pedicures...

FYLDeep | 25

#1933662 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:16

You kick doctors in the face?

KristinaKreme | 0

#1933775 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:40

Since when do doctors give pedicures?^ 0.o

FYLDeep | 25

#1933925 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:11

Lest we rule out the possibility of a doctor being in the vicinity of a customer being pedicured.

KristinaKreme | 0

#1933982 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:25

Haha Touche >;)

PhoenixFiend | 0

#1934431 - Thursday 6 January 2011 15:55

There's actually doctors who specialize in pedicures. For those who can easily get infections in their feet (diabetes patients for example). :)

KristinaKreme | 0

#1935340 - Thursday 6 January 2011 22:51

Learn setting new everyday :]

TheDrifter | 23

#1935431 - Thursday 6 January 2011 23:38

I think they call them pediatrists don't they?

By CutiePie_101 | 7

#1933606 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:07

Ouch, FYL :(

By dumbestdrummer | 0

#1933626 - Thursday 6 January 2011 12:10

there's gotta be a meh button. it's not your fault your tickleish and it sucks you got slahed in your foot

firecapez | 4

#1934021 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:39

Well then hit the FYL button. Neither of those would have to do with the YDI button.

ulicksam | 0

#1934029 - Thursday 6 January 2011 13:41

Neither of these would have to do with the FML button either.

mitchem | 3

#1934302 - Thursday 6 January 2011 15:18

what part of "foot got slashed open" did you miss?

Po1ntBlank | 0

#1934600 - Thursday 6 January 2011 16:40

FMl Is about what happened that Sux. ydi doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but it was your fault. if she kicked him and the blade, it is her fault, but it still sucks