Intimacy: Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I... - FML

By xxruby - 24/02/2015 21:07 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 203

You deserved it 3 519

Own it

Sorry…

Late term

By Kailey - 28/10/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 272

You deserved it 33 791

By not as easy as pie - 16/10/2015 16:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 187

You deserved it 21 264

Overreaction much?

By owngoalscored - 22/09/2018 22:00

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 309

By HeSucks - 25/12/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas. I thought it was sweet until I noticed the heart drawn on the back. It's the same box of chocolates I gave him for Christmas. Christmas last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 032

You deserved it 3 173

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 056

You deserved it 6 032

By blood buddies - 03/07/2014 17:53 - United States - Milford

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 398

You deserved it 8 626

By cheshirealyce - 05/03/2015 17:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 2 805

By Foreveralone - 09/04/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 944

You deserved it 2 976

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 13:43 - United States - Orlando

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 644

You deserved it 4 753

By awkward - 06/11/2013 21:16 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 490

You deserved it 4 297

By kel - 08/11/2013 23:50 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 896

You deserved it 7 452

Man vs. Wild

By Marjo86 - 27/09/2019 20:00

Today, I got stung by a hornet. I asked my mum to pass me my allergy medication, but she refused, because they were my brother's, saying "he's allergic to bees and wasps!" No mum, wrong kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 93

By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/09/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 258

You deserved it 4 966

By Anonymous - 24/12/2014 14:43 - United States - Herndon

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 037

You deserved it 3 963

Randy Daddy

By franzbiel - 31/10/2009 12:54 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 852

You deserved it 2 529

By Jon - 05/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 481

You deserved it 47 284

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 03:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 769

You deserved it 22 194

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 642

By whatashame - 01/04/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 398

You deserved it 80 124

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 4 070

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

By accidentalsmartass - 06/03/2017 22:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 223

You deserved it 699

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 11:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 615

You deserved it 40 228

By Grevling - 20/07/2009 19:07 - Norway

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for the past 7 months, who insisted on keeping us a secret because it was "too soon", is proudly showing off his new 19 year old girlfriend he met a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 274

You deserved it 6 180

By kstaa - 10/02/2010 11:47 - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 106

You deserved it 4 509

By 14YearOld - 25/11/2011 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 817

You deserved it 7 975

Everybody does

By Bill - 30/05/2021 23:59 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 81

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

By ShootMe - 07/09/2017 23:15

Today, a high maintenance client informed me that he wants 50+ pages of new content added to his website "now". He doesn't understand that I also have 30+ other clients to write for. I'm wondering if I can charge him for my new anxiety meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 228

You deserved it 295

By Loopylogo - 10/01/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 602

You deserved it 511

Mags

By Xabeix - 03/06/2019 08:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 307

Tunnel vision

By what. - 04/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend said that no, I'm not allowed to get glasses and then accused me of wanting to see other men. No, I just want to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 183

By puppielover - 21/08/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 892

You deserved it 3 706

By PlaneGuy - 25/02/2017 01:00 - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 156

You deserved it 712

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksma - 29/01/2017 07:00 - United States - Stilwell

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 728

You deserved it 632

By Anonimo - 08/11/2012 21:22 - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 2 602

By wetsheets - 07/01/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 903

You deserved it 7 642

By Loser - 01/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 555

You deserved it 4 610

By Stacy - 13/07/2013 04:22 - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 042

You deserved it 5 228

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 286

You deserved it 4 289

By Ellie - 09/10/2013 23:15 - United States - Mission

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 7 094

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 22:55 - United States - Somerset

Spicy

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 594

You deserved it 64 251

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Top comments

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:45

I sincerely hope you mean ex-boyfriend.

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:45

shit that's rough. dump him OP, he doesn't deserve you. FYL

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:45

I sincerely hope you mean ex-boyfriend.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 16:35

Well, he was the boyfriend at the time, not an ex-boyfriend. OP could say "then-boyfriend," but that would have spoiled the surprise of the FML.

MetalSonicCD 13

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Thursday 26 February 2015 11:02

Jesus Christ every fucking FML that has to do with a cheating partner has this comment. If you're begging for thumbs up, then you have a bright future as an FML enthusiast

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:45

shit that's rough. dump him OP, he doesn't deserve you. FYL

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:45

I'm sorry, OP! I hope you dumped his sorry ass! You don't need people like him in your life especially after all the effort you went through today. Good karma is coming your way! Stay positive!

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:46

Eat his free meal, dump him, and give yourself props for being a good (ex)girlfriend.

KinkyMissBinky 23

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:47

Tell his boss why he was unable to do his own job.

KinkyMissBinky 23

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:00

I doubt his boss would appreciate him shirking his duties and treating the person who took on those duties in that way. Wouldn't look good and hopefully he'd lose hours or even get fired.

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:53

I'm glad someone said it. We don't need people like OP's ex(I hope) in the workplace. Who knows what else he did.

VeganVampyre 26

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 13:58

Actually, if the boyfriend found someone to work his shift then he's being perfectly responsible as far as his boss is concerned. If he had called in sick and left them short handed that would be a different story. But it doesn't really matter why you want a day off as long as you can get someone to cover your shift for you. He's definitely an asshole and a horrible person, but as someone else said, the boss probably won't want to get involved in personal problems.

mightyxmidget 10

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 20:16

Unless of course, the boss is a woman. For some reason, woman find it personal to them as well if another woman is hurt, she'd probably say he's a filthy bastard, maybe even relate it to a life experience she may have had, and give him hell or fire him. That's how it works. (Don't yell at me, I'm a woman also lol. Just stating what usually happens)

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:48

You'd think he'd know when you'd be home and would plan accordingly. Just further proof that he's a schmuck.

cameosurgeon 16

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:35

I took this as she surprised him with the food. Idk.

RobinGoodfellow 47

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:51

Dump him, but first destroy him.

Koolaidandtacos 21

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 10:28

Destroy then dump in a garbage bag. MWHahahaha

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:52

get the hose and spray him

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 14:56

During a blizzard and lock him out.

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:55

No good deed goes unpunished.

jentrynicole 20

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 9:59

Throw the free food in his face.

brittaaany_93 38

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Wednesday 25 February 2015 15:41

Why would you waste free food on a piece of shit person like that? The thought alone makes me angry.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 117

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 95