By Mee - 5/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Gas giant

By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2012 07:18 - United States - Salinas

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

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By savvylady - 18/6/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

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By snickerdoodles - 10/2/2010 21:19 - United States

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

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By rollergirl13 - 11/1/2014 05:55 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

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By CallMeMrFunny - 22/12/2016 18:27

Today, I mentioned to my parents that Sunday is going to be awesome because it's Christmas. They responded with "Wait, this Sunday? In 3 days?!" Apparently they forgot. FML

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By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

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By moncheri1314 - 10/9/2010 16:13 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

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By heartbrokenl12453 - 27/10/2019 12:00

Movie night

Today, my girlfriend decided that the best place to break up with me was during a movie about two couples breaking up. FML

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By jennahh - 10/7/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

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By Headphones - 21/7/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

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By Fraser - 8/3/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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By it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - 12/4/2013 17:21 - United States - Roselle

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

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By SchoolSucks - 19/2/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 00:30

Today, I walked in on my little brother dressing up like Billie Eilish, his new favorite singer. He tore up some of my favorite clothes to make the outfits. FML

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By JunkDex - 23/12/2015 07:45 - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

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By jfields2474 - 16/3/2015 04:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

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By stolenbike - 14/6/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

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By Gentleman - 11/1/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

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By guessimdead - 19/4/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

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By Kilamo - 4/7/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

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By creepycrawley247 - 1/5/2013 02:50 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

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By Noname - 10/3/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

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By soontobedivorced - 19/4/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

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By hateparents - 11/10/2009 11:25 - Australia

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

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By karlajjjjj - 25/10/2013 12:19 - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

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By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML

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By grandpa porn - 28/8/2017 01:30

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

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By tye61 - 16/1/2016 12:54 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

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By angry girlfriend - 25/8/2014 03:27 - United States - West Harrison

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 05:01

Social distancing

Today, we celebrated our daughter's sixth birthday. Out of the 30 invited, 7 showed up. The last one to cancel this morning told us she was ill. My daughter was in tears as this meant the last remaining playmate couldn't come. My wife later saw her tagged on Facebook at another party. FML

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By sociallyanxiousroomie - 19/4/2016 10:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

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By anonymous - 10/8/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - 26/6/2013 14:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2019 18:00

Quality time

Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#604885 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:14

OP, you're... uh... weird.

By Peroxide | 3

#604896 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:21

Do you also talk in the 3rd person?

Jimmie's got some new moves! Jimmie's down! Jimmie's got a compound fracture. Jimmie's gonna get you kramer!

COMMENTS

By graaar | 0

#604856 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:04

This is more MLIA-worthy.

Reply

Zazu7711 | 0

#604865 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:07

2nd

Reply

dfvervbthbrgvefc | 0

#605529 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:02

so what youre saying is that you typed this up, "accidently" hit print, without realizing that you hit print OR that it failed to delete, and sat there believing you had deleted it when it was staring you in the face?...

Reply

nikkylee | 0

#606480 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 14:46

Actually, if she works in an office they probably use Outlook, and at least on mine, the print button is right near the Delete button.

By blakehilli8 | 0

#604873 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:09

nigger I'm first

By M13LO | 0

#604882 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:13

well now you can relax, if anyone asks just show them the note your boss gave you

By legit_tofit | 0

#604883 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:13

You printed something off and someone gave it to you....
Someone tell me HOW this is an FML?

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#605015 - Monday 5 October 2009 17:32

seriously. How the hell is this an FML?

Now if you accidentally printed a picture of two monkeys screwing an Oldsmobile while firing a loaded 9mm, then this may be an FML. As it stands, this is more of an awkward situation than anything.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#605708 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:48

I think its an FML cuz her boss saw all these pretty fonts and colors of pep talk to herself. Kinda weird don't ya think?

Reply

itsmeppl | 0

#2509025 - Saturday 14 May 2011 16:34

I agree ;)

By null_fml | 11

#604885 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:14

OP, you're... uh... weird.

Reply

anonymous100000 | 17

#6173083 - Thursday 15 January 2015 7:06

don't you have to confirm to print twice? YDI..

By Peroxide | 3

#604896 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:21

Do you also talk in the 3rd person?

Jimmie's got some new moves! Jimmie's down! Jimmie's got a compound fracture. Jimmie's gonna get you kramer!

By missgreenday | 0

#604899 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:23

FML? Where are you? I can't find you in this post.

By 22jrdn55 | 15

#604913 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:29

hows is this a fml?
get a life n quit complaining you damn Arab

By fckaduck | 0

#604918 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:35

Wow, your life is obviously amazing if you think THIS qualifies as an FML. Must be nice.

By Luckster | 0

#604919 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:36

I read this over several times and I don't see the part that makes your life fucked.