By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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Child's play

Always call first

Keep your enemies closer

By quitfuckingalready! - 4/9/2020 08:00 - United States

Let me go

Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML

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By no_leather_of_any_kind - United States

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

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By Cody - United States

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

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By hiii. - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

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By ydahs - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

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By golfstar11 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

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By staticman101 - United States - Allendale

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

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By fedemere - United States

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

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By B-Rizzle - United States

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

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By shocked1 - Canada

Today, I was doing a local search at SexSearch.com and I found my sister's profile. FML

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By Anonymous

Greased Lightning

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

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By loser - United States

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

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By ProExist - United States

Today, MLK Jr. Day, I was told that since my other co workers are on vacation, I have to be at work Today. No one else is at work Today...or on any other holiday. Also I am the only black person at my office. The irony, FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

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By notestojenn - United States - Manchester

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

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By pinkfreak94 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

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By Matt Steele - 4/2/2021 14:01

Call the cops

Today, after they said being a dad is fun, after saying that you got to do things when you were a kid… Well now, I'm at the lost and found of the city, asking, "Have you seen my kid?" FML

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By mommyfairy - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

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By littlegirl - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By o___O" - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

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By Joshua Sheldon - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

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By - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

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By lunarboy - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

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By Cannachick

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

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By smdh - United States

Ghost in the machine

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

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By Alex

Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML

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By wallbanger - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 05:01

Munchausen by proxy

Today, I was just told by a hiring manager that the reasons I'm not getting interviews is because I have a spotty work history. My work history is spotty because my mother ignores my food allergies so she can get attention and, as a result, I'm chronically ill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

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By BrittUnicorn - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 23:00

Dream baby dream

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

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By wellfuck - United States - Lexington

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

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By Anonymous

Spay and neuter, people!

Today, I took in an old friend’s fat cat for a month until she finds a place to live. Turns out the cat isn’t fat, just pregnant. I found out when I found two of her dead kittens in my living room. FML

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By Loot - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

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By soph511 - France - Hy?res

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

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By lifedoessuck12 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

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By MondayonaTuesday

Today, while rushing to a big marketing presentation, I started feeling ill in my car. I was stuck in traffic, and before I could get my window open I threw up all over my suit. All I had were some tissues to try to clean the mess before presenting to a full boardroom. FML

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By Username

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said "I'm cheap and I'm easy". FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#604885 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:14

OP, you're... uh... weird.

By Peroxide | 3

#604896 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:21

Do you also talk in the 3rd person?

Jimmie's got some new moves! Jimmie's down! Jimmie's got a compound fracture. Jimmie's gonna get you kramer!

COMMENTS

By graaar | 0

#604856 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:04

This is more MLIA-worthy.

Reply

Zazu7711 | 0

#604865 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:07

2nd

Reply

dfvervbthbrgvefc | 0

#605529 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:02

so what youre saying is that you typed this up, "accidently" hit print, without realizing that you hit print OR that it failed to delete, and sat there believing you had deleted it when it was staring you in the face?...

Reply

nikkylee | 0

#606480 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 14:46

Actually, if she works in an office they probably use Outlook, and at least on mine, the print button is right near the Delete button.

By blakehilli8 | 0

#604873 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:09

nigger I'm first

By M13LO | 0

#604882 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:13

well now you can relax, if anyone asks just show them the note your boss gave you

By legit_tofit | 0

#604883 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:13

You printed something off and someone gave it to you....
Someone tell me HOW this is an FML?

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#605015 - Monday 5 October 2009 17:32

seriously. How the hell is this an FML?

Now if you accidentally printed a picture of two monkeys screwing an Oldsmobile while firing a loaded 9mm, then this may be an FML. As it stands, this is more of an awkward situation than anything.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#605708 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:48

I think its an FML cuz her boss saw all these pretty fonts and colors of pep talk to herself. Kinda weird don't ya think?

Reply

itsmeppl | 0

#2509025 - Saturday 14 May 2011 16:34

I agree ;)

By null_fml | 11

#604885 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:14

OP, you're... uh... weird.

Reply

anonymous100000 | 17

#6173083 - Thursday 15 January 2015 7:06

don't you have to confirm to print twice? YDI..

By Peroxide | 3

#604896 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:21

Do you also talk in the 3rd person?

Jimmie's got some new moves! Jimmie's down! Jimmie's got a compound fracture. Jimmie's gonna get you kramer!

By missgreenday | 0

#604899 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:23

FML? Where are you? I can't find you in this post.

By 22jrdn55 | 15

#604913 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:29

hows is this a fml?
get a life n quit complaining you damn Arab

By fckaduck | 0

#604918 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:35

Wow, your life is obviously amazing if you think THIS qualifies as an FML. Must be nice.

By Luckster | 0

#604919 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:36

I read this over several times and I don't see the part that makes your life fucked.