By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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There's no helping some people

Triage

Broken heart

By ELparano - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

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By maggie74 - United States - Enfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML

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By DDboy

Going pro

Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML

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By LadyJane

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

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By p-man - United States

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

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By sadlife

Today, I changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". The girl is made up and the picture is from Google. FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

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By kittybad - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

These are lovely

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didn't have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

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By poupi - France

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

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By thankzbabe - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

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By Brodam - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

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By thegirlwiththedumbassbf - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

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By speshlk37 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

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By psychopumpkin - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

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By BruisedPride

Tumblr

Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML

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By norestforthewicked - United States

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

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By kitkat1603 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

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By Tancred - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

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By what's a rimjob between friends? - United States - Boston

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

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By halebop - United States

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

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By 1thapp3ns - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

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By Yoda - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

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By sykotoaster - United States

Today, I spend two hours inside a bar talking about how I never worry about my boyfriend cheating on me when he travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to have such a great relationship. When we all decided to go out on the patio for a smoke, we saw him making out with someone else. FML

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By Brandon - United States

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

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By turning red - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

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By blah - France

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

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By AznKoreanGuy - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

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By Princess - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

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By too slow - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

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By zawbentley - United States

Compassion

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response? "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

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By Peta2nNoMore - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

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By lds124 - Canada

Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

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Top comments

By null_fml | 11

#604885 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:14

OP, you're... uh... weird.

By Peroxide | 3

#604896 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:21

Do you also talk in the 3rd person?

Jimmie's got some new moves! Jimmie's down! Jimmie's got a compound fracture. Jimmie's gonna get you kramer!

COMMENTS

By graaar | 0

#604856 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:04

This is more MLIA-worthy.

Reply

Zazu7711 | 0

#604865 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:07

2nd

Reply

dfvervbthbrgvefc | 0

#605529 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 0:02

so what youre saying is that you typed this up, "accidently" hit print, without realizing that you hit print OR that it failed to delete, and sat there believing you had deleted it when it was staring you in the face?...

Reply

nikkylee | 0

#606480 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 14:46

Actually, if she works in an office they probably use Outlook, and at least on mine, the print button is right near the Delete button.

By blakehilli8 | 0

#604873 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:09

nigger I'm first

By M13LO | 0

#604882 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:13

well now you can relax, if anyone asks just show them the note your boss gave you

By legit_tofit | 0

#604883 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:13

You printed something off and someone gave it to you....
Someone tell me HOW this is an FML?

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#605015 - Monday 5 October 2009 17:32

seriously. How the hell is this an FML?

Now if you accidentally printed a picture of two monkeys screwing an Oldsmobile while firing a loaded 9mm, then this may be an FML. As it stands, this is more of an awkward situation than anything.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#605708 - Tuesday 6 October 2009 1:48

I think its an FML cuz her boss saw all these pretty fonts and colors of pep talk to herself. Kinda weird don't ya think?

Reply

itsmeppl | 0

#2509025 - Saturday 14 May 2011 16:34

I agree ;)

By null_fml | 11

#604885 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:14

OP, you're... uh... weird.

Reply

anonymous100000 | 17

#6173083 - Thursday 15 January 2015 7:06

don't you have to confirm to print twice? YDI..

By Peroxide | 3

#604896 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:21

Do you also talk in the 3rd person?

Jimmie's got some new moves! Jimmie's down! Jimmie's got a compound fracture. Jimmie's gonna get you kramer!

By missgreenday | 0

#604899 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:23

FML? Where are you? I can't find you in this post.

By 22jrdn55 | 15

#604913 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:29

hows is this a fml?
get a life n quit complaining you damn Arab

By fckaduck | 0

#604918 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:35

Wow, your life is obviously amazing if you think THIS qualifies as an FML. Must be nice.

By Luckster | 0

#604919 - Monday 5 October 2009 16:36

I read this over several times and I don't see the part that makes your life fucked.