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By redisnotmycolor - 16/11/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 000

You deserved it 3 558

By Rob - 09/10/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 042

You deserved it 7 017

By for the love of god - 14/05/2013 21:35 - United States

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 510

You deserved it 3 026

By Anonymous - 02/05/2013 16:49 - United States

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 290

You deserved it 8 250

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 577

You deserved it 2 544

Leg it

By BobbyHutchinson - 20/10/2009 15:57 - Australia

Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 975

You deserved it 2 852

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 784

You deserved it 6 945

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 10:52 - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 925

You deserved it 7 787

By mlowy - 09/05/2014 05:35 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 170

You deserved it 4 173

By amazed - 18/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Frisco

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 390

You deserved it 3 862

Oh no…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 635

You deserved it 1 581

The language of love

By Paicked - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 657

You deserved it 17 873

By TrophyGirlfriend - 17/08/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 918

You deserved it 3 216

By Amy - 05/12/2013 05:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 072

You deserved it 5 275

By Anonymous - 12/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I was fired from the trucking company I work for, due to numerous complaints about my reckless driving. I don't even do driving work there, but my ex keeps calling in to report me, and my boss wanted the calls to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 835

You deserved it 3 372

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 797

You deserved it 4 565

By Roll Tide of Tears - 17/01/2016 03:28 - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 847

You deserved it 5 703

By wheresthelove - 30/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 048

You deserved it 3 073

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 061

You deserved it 9 031

By Frustation - 30/07/2012 13:00 - United States

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 1 807

By Aisu - 08/05/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 850

You deserved it 3 066

By Myriam - 18/06/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 876

You deserved it 3 413

Friends like these

By veggocake - 26/09/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 814

You deserved it 63 489

By anonynous - 27/06/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 3 645

By thenewgirl29 - 01/03/2013 05:21 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 4 300

thenewgirl29 tells us more.

thenewgirl29 20

Friday 1 March 2013 19:29

I am OP. I have known the guy for 7 years and the pic was something my son and I drew for him. haha just seemed like an odd response

By Anonymous - 18/06/2015 16:56 - Netherlands - Gennep

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 008

You deserved it 2 352

By queenbee - 14/06/2015 13:31 - United States - Media

Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 216

You deserved it 2 512

By Anonymous - 17/09/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 439

You deserved it 24 118

Sucks to suck

By ladeda - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I'd won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 182

You deserved it 6 871

By disappointed - 01/07/2016 03:31 - United States - Rockville

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 056

You deserved it 1 490

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 472

You deserved it 4 930

Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 290

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 386

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 325

You deserved it 7 460

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 180

You deserved it 10 237

Today, I tested positive for COVID. This wouldn’t be a big deal, except my entire family has now fallen like a stack of dominos, and despite being asymptomatic, I now have to quarantine. My work stopped doing COVID leave in November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 148