Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML
Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
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Top comments
Battledog5006 0
Dam that's one sharp dick
btnhdude 0
you're in an abusive relationship lady.
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Comments (73)
ILEUX 3
first! and yea fyl
OverweightNinja 0
life goal reached?
lovebug254 0
sound fun haha
quaddrummer93 0
puts a whole new meaning to "needle dick"
Garytt 0
ydi
x_Cupcakes 0
You don't have to resist...
skull4k9 0
sucks
backdownbreh 0
ydi for not accepting his compliment for your attractiveness
Battledog5006 0
Dam that's one sharp dick
btnhdude 0
hahahaha
Zesty697 0
omg @9 that was classic pure humor
charlesnk7 0
gd 1
Garytt 0
you too :)
jewban 3
sue the dog
gunmania0 12
just wait till he's finished... you wouldn't want to give him blue balls.
icantellu 7
haha ur awesome