Miscellaneous: Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 12:08 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 087

You deserved it 2 784

Best teeth in the game

Give me strength

Night terrors

By Why Me - 20/10/2014 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 2 775

Mom knows best

By Troy - 10/09/2019 22:00

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 1 588

By Demetria - 20/08/2012 22:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I had to go down to the county police department to bail out my kids who thought it would be a good idea to try mugging an ice cream truck driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 448

You deserved it 4 773

By sigsigsignify - 06/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 386

You deserved it 382

By colebear - 27/05/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 730

You deserved it 9 150

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 266

You deserved it 2 643

Bodyshaming ain't cool

By spinspinsugar - 24/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Camillus

Today, I was video chatting with my dad. He handed the phone to his wife, whose first words out of her mouth were, "Why are you getting so skinny?" This was also the same woman whose first words out of her mouth when they came to visit us 3 years ago was how much weight I've gained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 16/02/2015 03:25 - Australia

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 2 521

Dream baby dream

By CJ. - 05/05/2021 14:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 214

By cleb - 22/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 349

You deserved it 994

Romantic mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 180

By wickedbeauty333 - 26/09/2012 22:54 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 457

You deserved it 4 176

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 671

You deserved it 3 563

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 960

You deserved it 1 720

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 02:03 - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 34 130

By deucelututi - 31/05/2009 12:03 - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 81 064

By Lesser spotted female gaming nerd - 12/01/2016 02:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 941

You deserved it 6 909

By begging for air - 20/02/2014 17:45 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 619

You deserved it 5 121

By bachelor - 26/09/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 3 663

By disgusted - 13/12/2015 07:45 - United States - Logan

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 848

You deserved it 3 290

By me - 04/04/2013 20:07 - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 389

You deserved it 6 682

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 442

You deserved it 3 868

By krystal - 27/10/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 890

You deserved it 14 403

By mocass’1 - 13/10/2008 08:19 - France

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 524

You deserved it 43 767

By lee - 22/08/2010 07:24 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over breakfast. In the afternoon I got to smile at him prettily for hours because he was the photographer in a session neither of us could get out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 177

You deserved it 3 295

By drurbanXVII - 25/05/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 216

You deserved it 49 269

By Gemma - 03/11/2010 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 60 589

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 099

You deserved it 31 021

By draggirl - 13/10/2009 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 486

You deserved it 4 330

By sammarli530 - 29/05/2013 16:24 - United States - New Lenox

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 758

You deserved it 52 067

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 284

You deserved it 3 843

By drunkennight - 23/11/2009 03:45 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 967

You deserved it 42 229

By Anonymous - 13/01/2014 20:35 - United States - New Iberia

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 175

You deserved it 4 879

By Richard - 06/02/2010 18:39 - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 266

You deserved it 4 489

By thanksmom - 02/06/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 806

You deserved it 2 977

By Sir Vom-a-lot - 14/06/2012 16:28 - United Kingdom - West Drayton

Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 580

You deserved it 6 569

By asshole - 02/10/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 110

You deserved it 12 367

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 338

You deserved it 5 043

Laundry drama

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:08 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I did laundry with one of my new white sweaters and other light-colored clothes. After it all went through the dryer, I found out there are now dark shades on it and it looks like a years-old old sweater, and can't be cleaned. I didn't even get a chance to put it on once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 674

By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 712

You deserved it 3 174

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:05

Is it really any surprise that you can date multiple people who look alike? This is what people mean by having a "type". Your type is obviously that guy.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:04

Good way to break him into the family!

Comments

hockeyoceancity 13

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:04

Hey at least he knows you think he is attractive!

folfg0 12

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:08

Attractive isn't the problem. The problem is that he reminds his maybe future mother in-law of her ex-son in-law. And if he's out of the picture she probably thinks the ex is an ass and it transfers over to the boyfriend.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:23

I think he was able to assume that once they started dating......

swankmrpancake 8

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:28

Maybe not Op could just be a gold digger

hockeyoceancity 13

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:32

I'm sorry i guess i was the only one who likes be reminded that they are attractive to their loved ones.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:38

My girlfriend got a makeover to look like my mom ( they really liked each other) and i so freaked out about sex. So im single

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:52

27... wtf LOL OP i agree with the other guys, its no big deal really. He may feel a little awkward at first, but in the end it doesnt matter if u guys really love eachother.

Argumental_Rhino 8

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Thursday 28 June 2012 17:10

Hey #27, dddoin ya mom, dddoin ya mom.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:04

Good way to break him into the family!

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:04

how cute.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 18:10

How exactly is that cute? If that's sarcasm, it really sucked...

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:05

Is it really any surprise that you can date multiple people who look alike? This is what people mean by having a "type". Your type is obviously that guy.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 17:30

I love you Doc. Thank you for blessing the community with another comment.

Qandol 26

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Thursday 28 June 2012 17:33

Doc is right OP, maybe you're attracted to same looking guys, as Doc said "Types". It doesn't matter maybe he is much better person than your ex. Care about his personality not looks.

dragonstrike94 8

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Thursday 28 June 2012 17:58

None of the people I've dated have been similar in any way except gender. That's as similar as it gets

dsbs 9

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Thursday 28 June 2012 21:28

Omg I wear glasses I'm so nerd lol

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Thursday 28 June 2012 23:33

37- Maybe you should PM him.

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Friday 29 June 2012 1:37

Maybe 57 should PM 34.

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Friday 29 June 2012 1:59

Doc is truly a douche bag.

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Friday 29 June 2012 12:19

I think the point is she may have been hiding the fact that she had an ex-husband.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:05

Mom looking out for you....

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:05

The question is if she liked or disliked your ex! Maybe she's just trying to get her claws in him, you never know with cougars...

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:05

Better than sayin he looks just like your father! That woulda been awkward in bed later

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:21

Later... OP: Give it to me daddy!!! Bf: whoa O.o I think we're done here...

flashback.miss 28

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Thursday 28 June 2012 17:54

"I'm not your daddy, Im your boyfriend!" .......

hockeyoceancity 13

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Thursday 28 June 2012 19:04

i was laughing but then i read 42's comment.

IsAbElLiCiA20 6

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:07

I see your mother is trying to initiate conversation, things are going great now! FYL for your mother making it awkward as hell.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:08

Well, she probably had a point. In my experiences, ex's tend to look somewhat similar to current significant others. But that was definitely an inappropriate time to say it. Hopefully this one won't go the same route as the last, OP! Good luck.

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Thursday 28 June 2012 16:10

That's going to make things a little awkward for you, but it's not the end of the world.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 73

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 139