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Uncomfortably numb

By someone - 02/09/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment was working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 172

You deserved it 3 028

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 29/04/2015 16:06 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 115

You deserved it 3 342

Hot and humid

By drooler - 06/08/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said, "You got me wet." Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said!" He replied "No, really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 325

You deserved it 40 805

By icyrebel25 - 12/11/2013 23:57 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 986

You deserved it 5 246

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 651

You deserved it 41 523

By imalwaystired - 21/01/2010 20:20 - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 418

You deserved it 7 656

Crude

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Spicy

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 5 062

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 034

You deserved it 3 221

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 514

You deserved it 13 266

By GnarCarBar - 12/09/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 810

You deserved it 4 670

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 848

You deserved it 35 754

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 948

You deserved it 3 762

By mylifesucks - 02/12/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 504

You deserved it 4 979

By jezusflowers - 07/05/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had their reverse lights on. I thought to myself, "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 944

You deserved it 5 127

By bcoper - 25/06/2012 16:09 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 293

You deserved it 2 633

Bye!

By deadinavan - 13/10/2010 12:57 - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me." My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 224

You deserved it 5 184

By areyoukiddingme - 01/10/2015 05:56 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 430

You deserved it 2 483

By TimeForAHairCut - 08/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 018

You deserved it 2 115

By ealovan - 24/08/2015 04:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 749

You deserved it 14 783

ealovan tells us more.

ealovan 20

Tuesday 25 August 2015 7:14

op here. it's always cool when your FML gets posted because in a weird way it makes the situation a little bit better lol. just some clarification, i started this job a little over a month ago and when i went to the orientation, they gave us $15 dollar gift cards. it was after a 9 hour shift when this sweet old man asked for some change. i remembered i had this gift card in my wallet for a month now and figured he would benefit from it more than i would. i was tired and it was dark outside, but i should have payed more attention. once i realized this mistake i quickly went back to my work, and luckily he was still there. he was very sweet and figured i handed him the wrong card, i gave him the right card and now everyones happy. i'm just glad it was him because god knows what any other person would have done with it.

Get out clause

By lanz4949 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 810

You deserved it 3 848

By Duckie W - 13/02/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 700

You deserved it 6 235

Timing

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/01/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 789

You deserved it 3 889

Not like that

By weirdo - 21/02/2010 08:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 345

You deserved it 5 049

By CzechMeOut - 04/08/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 435

You deserved it 3 666

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 622

You deserved it 2 687

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 084

You deserved it 1 933

By gb739 - 19/01/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 329

You deserved it 3 415

By Judgeisalwaysright - 01/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 719

You deserved it 21 068

By me - 22/09/2013 13:34 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 421

You deserved it 8 545

By j4 - 19/12/2014 23:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 628

You deserved it 2 966

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The Top

The Top

Today, my parents grounded me because I refused to do my little sister's homework for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 072

You deserved it 2 512

Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 629

You deserved it 3 722

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 418

You deserved it 17 801

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 505

You deserved it 862

Today, I was reduced to tears and called a "useless fat bitch" by a customer I was serving. She didn’t realize that the steak fajitas she’d ordered had steak in them. She said she was a vegetarian. She failed to mention it, but apparently it was "my fault" because I “should have known." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 127

Today, while I was trying to put on my deodorant, the whole stick popped out when I took the cap off, narrowly missing my face, into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 107