By areyoukiddingme - 01/10/2015 05:56 - United States - Phoenixville
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And his other girlfriend is cool with the fact he has a wife?
Well she must be fine with polygamy, too, if she knows about the wife and OP and is chill about it. I think polygamy is fine because people can do what they want with their relationships, but it's a jerk move (and kind of fishy) that OP wasn't told about this. Being "out of the loop" is technically being cheated on in their individual relationship because OP had no say in the matter from not even knowing.
I can't decide whether everyone involved (apart from OP) has really low standards, or if OP's boyfriend is an irresistible catch.
^that's a dumb statement. I dated a married guy. He and his husband are extremely over the top in love. They've been together for 15 years and he made it clear to me what our "relationship" would be. They like to have a little fun outside of their relationship and bring people into it every once in a while. I know a few other couples who have similar relationships. Monogamy isn't for everyone and monogamy doesn't always define a marriage.
47, you are being very judgmental, claiming that because two people married can agree to be in relationships with other people that their marriage or even each other doesn't mean anything to them? Even saying they SHOULDN'T marry? If you don't want a poly relationship, don't be in one. Keep your nose out of the air and out of those who choose to's business. It doesn't mean they value vows they made any less and certainly doesn't mean they value ANY of their partners less.
47 To be honest, people have only taken those vows seriously in the last 100-150 years. Married men have been going out whoring for centuries, and the number of wives that sailors had depended on the number of ports they visited regularly. The wives knew it, but they just put up with it. Open relationships have been apart of society for as long as society existed, it was just kept as a dark secret. The only reason people are making a big deal about it now in the last century is because they aren't so afraid of getting a divorce. 50 years ago, a divorced woman would have been a social pariah. Now it's common as well as the fact that a man's mistresses and flings can be proven. Sure there are a large number of couples who didn't do this, but I can't believe that over half did not do this.
#47- On FML, you CAN respectfully disagree with someone without a fight brewing. You did not do that. There is a MAJOR difference between "I just don't like the idea of an open marriage because it would make me uncomfortable and I don't understand how that'd work out" and "you shouldn't marry if you do that." The first is stating your personal preference/opinion and admitting your ignorance on the subject. The second is just being self-entitled by stating that people "shouldn't" do something specifically because it doesn't fit YOUR preferences. If you don't want to participate in that lifestyle that's fine, but no one died and made you queen of who is "immoral" for doing something that you don't personally like. Unless it directly affects you or your relationships, you have no right to say what people should and shouldn't do.
I hate when guys don't tell their partner that they have another relationship on the side. Like that is so messed up.
I wonder if the wife is aware of this open relationship. Something tells me she's not in the loop either, OP.
Yes! If it actually is a true, open marriage, the main couple discuss terms of what's acceptable. Usually it's a few flings per year- not multiple partners at once. I have a feeling that maybe the one who knew about the wife is the original "open" woman and the others are unapproved side flings. Only way to know is to ask the wife. FYL OP.