Kids: Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I...

By bcoper - 25/06/2012 16:09 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 199

You deserved it 2 623

Kids

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Batman

Broken heart

By Noname - 18/01/2009 10:24 - United States

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 905

You deserved it 4 293

By SpanishInFrenchClass - 06/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 5 422

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 1 700

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had a movie date planned with a guy. After a polite exchange, we were interrupted by a phone call from his colleague saying they had an emergency that needed his attention. He excused himself to take the call, telling me he wouldn't be long. He drove off and blocked my number the moment he stepped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 605

You deserved it 30 458

By Anonymous - 21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 053

You deserved it 2 137

By fashionista1787 - 12/09/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 2 488

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 084

You deserved it 3 758

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:46 - France

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 536

You deserved it 3 689

By Jim - 11/01/2012 01:32 - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 298

You deserved it 41 652

By LongDriveNoSleep - 24/05/2016 10:38 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 044

You deserved it 1 330

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 907

You deserved it 328

By Singed - 04/07/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 336

You deserved it 43 545

By Laloose - 26/12/2008 07:53 - France

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 972

You deserved it 28 127

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 075

You deserved it 311

By JAMjessie - 20/09/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 313

You deserved it 860

By AnalProbe - 12/03/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 031

You deserved it 479

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 00:59 - United States - Ocean Springs

Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 4 636

By englishclasshigh - 10/09/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 533

You deserved it 7 501

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 658

You deserved it 43 336

By STOPTHENOISE - 14/10/2013 13:10 - United States - Jefferson

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 605

You deserved it 3 110

Big Brother

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was accused of "spying too much" on what my coworkers are writing about Covid-19 on the news site I work for. I'm one of the supervisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 155

TMI

By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 448

You deserved it 10 387

By Anonymous - 27/11/2018 13:30

Today, I took my son to festival at a local church. He had a Nerf gun as part of his costume, but when I set it down to put something in my bag, someone walked off with it. We can't even go to a church function without running into thieves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 257

By swiggityswooty - 23/07/2014 04:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 7 336

By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 190

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 2 495

Johnny Weissmuller over here

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 20:02

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 2 104

By ugh - 14/08/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 678

You deserved it 2 035

By 23yearoldtoddler - 18/05/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 510

You deserved it 6 571

By badcook - 24/09/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 637

You deserved it 3 498

By Graham Watson - 01/07/2019 16:00

Today, I'm currently in hospital with a painful and swollen Achille's heel problem. I was dreaming of running down stairs. I then tripped on one, and as I whacked my foot on the stairs in my dream, I also raised my foot and whacked it on the end of the hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 160

By Username - 04/12/2010 21:04 - United States

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 063

You deserved it 28 158

By stuck - 17/06/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 805

You deserved it 10 462

By dwhitehouse - 21/01/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died the night before. With the wind chill, it was -20°F outside. With the hood open, and jumper cables in one hand, I tried to flag down a passing motorist for help. A man in a truck slowed down, sarcastically waved at me, and kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 2 981

Annie's Song

By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 279

Agony

By ... - 02/10/2012 20:55 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed heavily on my foot. Because I wasn't crying, my mom refused to take me to the hospital. It took me an hour of agony to convince her. It turned out to be broken in three different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 274

You deserved it 1 774

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 19:15 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 011

You deserved it 3 125

By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 621

You deserved it 2 091

By smashyonewfloors - 31/08/2013 04:44 - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 2 825

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