Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there.... - FML

By skmusic - 9/4/2009 05:04 - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

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Oh, hai!

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Creepy

By John - 22/8/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I took my 15 year old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML

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By Links - 20/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

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By I pick em' good - 3/5/2015 17:49 - United States

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

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By fuck you dad - 30/3/2013 18:17 - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

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By KP - 25/6/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

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By ChangoFett - 26/5/2013 06:46 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

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By kirassi919 - 20/9/2012 16:50 - United States - North Wales

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

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By blewidstepr - 16/5/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

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By Briscuit - 5/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

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By RosaMaravillosa - 27/6/2016 18:09 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

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By charlie043 - 11/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

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By embarassed - 21/4/2011 03:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

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By cieee - 13/2/2012 07:09 - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

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By Ginger - 3/2/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML

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By MAC. - 4/8/2012 09:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

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By tsukinoie - 2/2/2014 06:33 - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

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By Austin Franklin - 18/3/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

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By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

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By tj85 - 17/2/2010 19:49 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

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By hot sweet.... not - 23/2/2014 22:27 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

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By clu - 10/8/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

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By The_FN_Gunny - 29/10/2013 22:31 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

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By sexyyy - 7/12/2009 19:18 - Belgium

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2015 21:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop pulled me over for no reason at all. When he approached my window, I began to get defensive until he informed me I was driving the wrong way down a one way street. FML

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By BadLuckCarson - 12/2/2013 05:55 - United States - Muscatine

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

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By oaksac191 - 26/10/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

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By Depirama - 28/2/2014 21:26 - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

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By It's Something - 27/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Toledo

Welcome to retail.

Today, I finally got a new job. Now, instead of dealing with trashy, rude young adults all day, I get to deal with self-entitled, berating old people all day. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

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By pornhastaughtmenothing - 21/2/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

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By ihatemylife - 28/1/2013 01:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

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By Female - 12/2/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I went to a conference for work. When I got there I sat beside a woman about my age. She immediately got up and moved to the opposite side of the room. We were the only two there. FML

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By Virginiedetibo - 22/10/2011 02:09 - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

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By I hate my brother - 20/3/2016 18:53 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 06:31 - United States - Kokomo

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

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By ryjacs - 3/6/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

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By midwesternpetclerk - 9/11/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

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By jay ze punk - 29/1/2013 19:56 - France - Metz-tessy

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

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Top comments

By clipse | 0

#95972 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:09

YDI. Way to lose your temper after 2 calls.

By arienh4 | 0

#95959 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:06

Ever heard of call screening?

To #1, you knew it's annoying, yet you did it anyway?
We can SEE the #1, there's no need to say it.

Comments

By cherrybollosm04 | 0

#95957 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:06

aaaaaaaaaw
thats why you dont judge

edit: first..
and i know people hate this, but once you finally can do it. its nice.

Reply

ferrettamer | 6

#1911255 - Friday 31 December 2011 3:39

Judge what?

Reply

neal001 | 0

#3883307 - Saturday 14 January 2012 17:12

Umm did you have balls to ask a girl out instead of the other way

Reply

Luunatic | 13

#4271593 - Saturday 7 April 2012 15:35

What is there to judge...? The phone!?

By arienh4 | 0

#95959 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:06

Ever heard of call screening?

To #1, you knew it's annoying, yet you did it anyway?
We can SEE the #1, there's no need to say it.

Reply

Slim_Shadyy_fml | 0

#1239394 - Saturday 14 August 2010 6:08

sometimes phones don't have caller ID's smart one.

Reply

p2p_92 | 0

#4287509 - Wednesday 11 April 2012 3:33

Hello eminem

By lillaurie89 | 2

#95967 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:08

Even if you don't have caller ID, after a second or two the telemarketer usually starts talking
If that didn't happen then obviously it was someone else...?

By clipse | 0

#95972 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:09

YDI. Way to lose your temper after 2 calls.

Reply

oarisimo | 4

#1074588 - Thursday 8 July 2010 21:20

exactly. try anger management

Reply

KillerCheez | 2

#6426082 - Saturday 3 October 2015 18:57

What if he was having a bad day? simple minded people annoy me..

By Sens_fan9 | 0

#95983 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:12

Well now you know it was your crush, so how about you ask them out? At least now you know they like you. Just tell them the truth and what happened.

Oh, lol, I would also scream after 2 calls. I don't blame you. But yea, I say FYL.

By amelinat | 0

#95986 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:12

OH WOW,

the ad for thats come up on the side of my screen is "WACKY PRANK CALLS want to prank call someone right now?"

Good Job google ads.

Reply

_krystallynn_ | 11

#5298911 - Monday 31 December 2013 9:37

mines a state farm ad.

By red_wings | 0

#95987 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:13

and swearing would accomplish what?
telemarketers are doing their jobs
and if you yell at a pranker they just keep doing it

By woahcomments | 0

#95989 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:13

aw poor girl :(
explain to her... maybe she'll understand?
i'd be a bit freaked out though.

By greenman_fml | 0

#95991 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:14

have some hate/revenge sex. that will make it all better

Reply

imortal20 | 0

#1035608 - Saturday 19 June 2010 5:08

WIN

By nomadxx7 | 0

#95994 - Thursday 9 April 2009 16:15

YDI... for one their phone could be fubared. Best is to say, "I can't hear you please call back" then hang up. If they keep calling forever grab the number. Call them back and say "I'd like to talk but I can't hear you or speak up." Don't judge because it made you look like an ass.